Author Topic: My Story Muddled Mind  (Read 2373 times)

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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My Story Muddled Mind
« on: March 18, 2019, 10:45:41 AM »
Previous Thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10441.150

I must be the poster child of the non linear development of dealing with grief and trauma and life in general.
There is no straight line or constant improvement.

Instead like a pinball machine my mind shoots from one corner to the next and leaves me muddled and exhausted in the middle.

Raking leave sin the rain with beautiful mascara streams on my face must have resonated with one of the Squirrels...lol...since that day, I have a daily squirrel visitor checking up on me on my front porch.

D left to go back to school again yesterday and it's back to just me and the old cat hanging about. Thankfully the sun is out and I can roam about in the yard doing what needs done.
I read somewhere that Accupuncture can help with grief and trauma - has anybody tried it ? If so what were your thoughts ?

At this point, I am willing to try anything to get some sort of relief from the ups and downs and criss-crosses of my mind. Quite frankly it's exhausting.

Applied for a new job, so we shall see what fate has in store for me.

I would like to thank all of you again for sticking with me on this road we all travel. Couldn't hang in there without you.

Do any of you still feel a bond with your MLC ? My gut tells me that we are not done and I still feel strangely connected to him. I have to fight the urge every day to contact him - what if he is just too scared to come back ??? I know, dreaming out loud now.....ugh...

Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Music45

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Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #1 on: March 18, 2019, 10:53:21 AM »
Do any of you still feel a bond with your MLC ? My gut tells me that we are not done and I still feel strangely connected to him. I have to fight the urge every day to contact him - what if he is just too scared to come back  I know, dreaming out loud now.....ugh...

OMG yes, I do Schratz. I have these thoughts ALL the time.

I'm sorry you're a leaf raking, mascara covered pinball veteran but I'm glad that the squirrel comes to see you. Maybe he's a spirit friend come to check in on you somehow.
Me: 50
H: 51
S:26 D:19 [They're his kids. I'm Step Mum. They both live with us - though D at Uni]
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [works away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away. No idea of current status of this relationship.

Offline One day at a time

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Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #2 on: March 18, 2019, 12:53:09 PM »
Attaching Schratz!

I must be the poster child of the non linear development of dealing with grief and trauma and life in general.
There is no straight line or constant improvement.
I was actually thinking something along these lines myself.. I go up and down all the time.. When I'm up, I feel like I have arrived to a place of peace and acceptance, I see things clearly, I even find myself feeling happyish.. And then all of the sudden I fall so low that it takes me a few days to get out of it. So I can relate to the "no straight line or constant improvement" thought!!

Do any of you still feel a bond with your MLC ? My gut tells me that we are not done and I still feel strangely connected to him. I have to fight the urge every day to contact him - what if he is just too scared to come back ??? I know, dreaming out loud now.....ugh...
Yep!! I don't fight the urge to contact him but I do worry about missing the window of opportunity to show him it's safe to talk to me.. The connection I feel with him is really preventing me from truly moving forward with my life.. And I have absolutely no idea how to break that bond, not sure if it's even possible...  :-\
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline Philadelphiagirl

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Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #3 on: March 18, 2019, 01:16:27 PM »
Following along and sending support 66! Yes, I still feel a connection. I don't have to fight the urge to contact him as I know that I would just get more abuse/Monster but the connection for me is definitely still there. I feel that I have reached a place of resigned sadness about it all but it definitely doesn't get much easier!

Take care, PG xxx 

Offline Maleficent

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Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #4 on: March 18, 2019, 05:19:25 PM »
Schratz, Following along and agreeing. 

Quote
Do any of you still feel a bond with your MLC ? My gut tells me that we are not done and I still feel strangely connected to him.

We are still connected.  I think of him and a text comes through. They seem to know what we are doing. I dream of him almost every night.  Our relationships were strong and of long duration.  We could not have been together that long without having some thread that still connects us. But, I am not detached and sadly, perhaps part of me does not want to detach. 

I thought of Jane Austen when I read your passage (there are so many apt quotes from Persuasion):
“All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one: you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone!”
― Jane Austen, Persuasion

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #5 on: March 19, 2019, 03:53:01 AM »
Attaching
Me - 55
MLC - 47
Together 19 years - Married for 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Canines (each of us has one)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold and separated - March 2016
Mid-Lifer has filed for D

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #6 on: March 19, 2019, 02:04:29 PM »
Yep S66, I still feel that bond too. Wish I didn't b/c I, like you, must fight the urge to contact him every day.  We will get there my friend!
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #7 on: March 19, 2019, 02:07:00 PM »
I thought of Jane Austen when I read your passage (there are so many apt quotes from Persuasion):
“All the privilege I claim for my own sex (it is not a very enviable one: you need not covet it), is that of loving longest, when existence or when hope is gone!”
― Jane Austen, Persuasion

Love this!
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online Evermore

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Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #8 on: March 19, 2019, 02:39:41 PM »
Yes, absolutely still feel there is a bond. It’s our 20th WA today. Hard to not be able to acknowledge and celebrate that.
M: 48
H: 51
Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 20
D: 18
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW (44) - he met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Is now pressuring family to meet her.
Moved in with OW 'by stealth' Dec18-Jan19? (just started staying over and not staying at 'home' anymore (caravan at his brothers))

Online Treasur

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Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #9 on: March 19, 2019, 10:54:02 PM »
Hey, 66... well stand in line, think I already got the dysfunctional grief/trauma poster child squirrel job  :)

Everything you are feeling is completely normal. S$it but normal. When you can't do big, do small. If you can't do a day at a time, do an hour. Breathe, above all breathe. Anything that grounds and calms your body is good...I haven't done acupuncture, wish I had probably, but walking, yoga and finally EMDR along with Time were what worked for me. You have already come so far,66, from when you first came here...you have probably forgotten that, hence a reminder from me...and you will not always feel the way you do now. I promise you, you won't.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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