Author Topic: My Story Muddled Mind  (Read 2372 times)

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1244
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #20 on: March 26, 2019, 06:22:04 AM »
See, I learned from the best on how to respond...lol....you all are sitting on my shoulder whispering in my ears when I thought of how to respond 

the reply I received from H was ......Thank you......

That's it - nothing else - guess he really didn't want to talk, just wanted to see if I was available if possibly maybe he would consider it.
Those MLC peeps are indeed looney tunes.

However, I was afraid that this would drag me down, cause tears or sleepless nights - I am happy to report that amazingly I was able to check it off as another weird contact like the one where he signed his first, middle and last name (like I wouldn't know who he is) - I look at it as in he thought of me and that's it.

What can I do today to make this day a good one for me ? It's another sunny beautiful day here, so I will head home after work and fix up my small area of vegetable garden to get it ready for planting next month.

Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20886
  • Gender: Female
Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #21 on: March 27, 2019, 04:02:44 AM »
Maybe the reason you didn't let it bother you was because you're starting to see how crazy your MLCer is thinking, S.

You gave him no reason to think you didn't want to talk to him, it's his own guilt speaking..like maybe you shouldn't want to talk to him after what he did to you.

Also signing his name the way he did.  Could be he's afraid you are going to forget him so in his MLCerish way he put his full name on his msg to remind you who he is.

You just can't make this up this stuff, it's not normal.
The only thing for certain is you are on his mind.

A question for you?  Was it if real importance that you were told his mother's cat died?
Or was it an excuse to contact you?   ;)

A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Acorn

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2617
  • Gender: Female
Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #22 on: March 27, 2019, 05:43:43 AM »
Does she have any more cats?
Feb 2015: BD 1. H has a Nuclear meltdown.  The next morning arctic cold descends.
Oct 2015: BD 2,  ILYBIANILWY. “We should not have gotten married.”
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Never left home
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline xyzcf

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 9781
  • Gender: Female
Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #23 on: March 27, 2019, 06:03:12 AM »
So very glad to read your last post...you are doing so well.

You will see, many MLCers continue to find a reason to contact us, handling that contact without it "hurting" us is key.....I think responding to them kindly is the best thing...for us....we shall have no regrets no matter what the outcome.....Enjoy your day!
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline Mortesbride

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1878
  • Gender: Female
Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #24 on: March 27, 2019, 06:08:39 AM »
Schratz I am just catching up with your thread and have started from the beginning so my replies may seem all out of whack but here goes. 8)


''Do any of you still feel a bond with your MLC?''

Yes. A unique one that I have felt with no one else in my life. Even now, a year and a half after BD...it is still there. More importantly he feels it too. I don't think he likes the fact that it won't just disappear and let him be free or you know whatever MLC crap they come out with. ::)

There is a mental connection we have that I can't describe and can't seem to find with anyone else. The fact he keeps coming to me to talk, and some of what he says suggests the same.

I think our marriage wasn't built on romantic lusty love. Don't get me wrong we never had a problem in that area, but our love was built on a deep friendship. We did everything together, we liked the same things, we had the same sense of humour. I loved everything about him, and he is a good looking guy now, but when I met him he was a skinny nerd with a terrible hair cut. There was a deep connection there, that his look never mattered, his money or lack there of never mattered. Unfortunately it is still there.

Best I can describe it is like a giant steel cable that holds a ship to port. The giant cable is made of lots of little smaller metal cables all wound round each other. I feel like certain things have snapped some of those little cables, it is a bit frayed but still there. The outside ones are hanging like tassels in the wind but the core of the cable is still strongly there.

And that brings us smoothly into a text about a cat. An excuse to contact you. Because he has that cable too. No matter how much they fight it.

I was posting on Treasur's thread earlier about stuff like that. Little things like a song on the radio, going to a coffee shop you used to visit, seeing something in the store they would like.....All those things affect us and are pretty painful in the beginning, but the flip side is....they affect the MLCer to. Those same things make you dance in his head too. And I think once one thing pops up, you are on his mind so he notices something else...and then eventually they need an excuse to contact you.

Any old excuse will do.

Like a cat.  ::)
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1244
  • Gender: Female
Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #25 on: March 27, 2019, 02:22:35 PM »
Mort - that’s exactly how me and H are or were. Great friends first and then add the crazy lust - we felt like made for each other because we both had a quirky sense of humor - both honest to a fault - hate fake - loved to discuss news and politics and just “clicked”. I’ve never found that with anyone else.

Thunder - that cat was not inconsequential but I had no deep connection to it so no need to contact for that.

It must be a blue moon though because usual there’s months between contacts. After his “thank you” - I got another email that it was not his intent to upset or bother me. I just replied “you didn’t - Smiley face”. He replied he does hope that I’m well and that he’ll try not to lose any more pets any time soon.

So, today I had to take some big boxes down to reception. Normally I peek around corners to avoid seeing him, but with the boxes I couldn’t see until I was at the reception area. I saw him walking towards the exit away from me and hoped he wouldn’t turn around. Well, he turned his head as he walked out and saw me. Turned around and walked towards me and stopped. Asked me what was in the boxes and then still small talk asked about his laptop getting replaced (I’m in IT). I answered that i would check and then he said he wouldn’t ask this agency for anything.

I walked off, checked on his replacement and emailed that his wasn’t scheduled for replacement and then added an emoji saying he sounded a tad bitter. He emailed right back and thanked me and said he wasn’t bitter towards me.

Second time in two days that he made sure I knew he had no ill feelings and made sure he didn’t upset me. Very odd indeed.

Trying not to read anything into it. For all I know he’s riding off into the sunset with OW and just wants to make sure he can tell himself he’s an awesome guy.

This MLC stuff is exhausting and sometimes I think I deserve someone wanting to be with me and not a confused oddball, but then I realize I still deeply love this man and can’t give up on us yet.



Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Music45

  • Full Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 165
  • Gender: Female
Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #26 on: March 27, 2019, 11:28:47 PM »
Gosh Mortesbride, you could have written that for me too.

I though the same about the cat, Schratz, whatever's going on in H's head, he's thinking/thought/thinks about you.
Me: 50
H: 51
S:26 D:19 [They're his kids. I'm Step Mum. They both live with us - though D at Uni]
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [works away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away. No idea of current status of this relationship.

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1244
  • Gender: Female
Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #27 on: March 28, 2019, 08:15:43 AM »
Dear Lord - Ursa - throw me a humangous 2x4 and aim it straight at my head so all those damn monkeys will stop monkey braining.

Apparently H asked one of the girls I went to Vegas with when we were going back - she (who is not a drama creator) said she got the vibe that he was fishing for her to say something about me and that he seems to want to reach out.

Ugh - what do I do now ? Just wait for the next contact ????? Do I reach out to him ???????? You all know that I want to run up to him and yell that I love him and what about OW and did he change his min.....I won't do it because he would probably be terrified ........but I want to so bad - all patience is gone and I am losing my mind.

Why did he have to change up his usual behavior after I finally adjusted to it .......I need to get back to none of it meaning anything and just keep doing my thing with Eloise the squirrel.

Just when you are about to give up hope, they want to throw you a little light - and again for all I know it's not the glorious realization that he can't live without me that I envision in my muddled mind. It might he just really thought I needed to know about the passing of the cat.

My head is all over the place and my mind is spinning and daggoned these people.



Me 50
H 49
AD 20 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 20886
  • Gender: Female
Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #28 on: March 28, 2019, 08:30:29 AM »
Well with all that contact no wonder you head is spinning.

It's possible he is cycling, or there is some movement.  They can't stay in crisis forever.
Also your friend could have misinterpreted him.  You just don't know that.

I would just chalk it all up as a nice text and a positive encounter, nothing more for now.
If he is in fact, moving along in that tunnel, he'll be back.  It may take him awhile but he'll be back.

Go about your business as usual.  You've been doing too good to go backwards now.

Hugs

A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Treasur

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 6837
  • Gender: Female
Re: Muddled Mind
« Reply #29 on: March 28, 2019, 09:37:28 AM »
Do nothing, 66. If he does want to reach out, even if just as an anchor check, he'll find a way.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.