Author Topic: My Story Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely  (Read 2069 times)

Offline Music45

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My Story Re: Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely
« Reply #10 on: March 30, 2019, 01:01:23 AM »
Here's to yellow roses and good people and strawberry schnapps and  new patios and sunshine and knowing you have behaved well and can hold your head up high.
Definitely a solid B, Treasur.  Listen to you and all you've learnt. Definitely a solid B.

I think I'll buy a yellow rose today. You've inspired me.
« Last Edit: March 30, 2019, 02:00:30 AM by Music45 »
Me: 50
H: 51
S:26 D:19 [They're his kids. I'm Step Mum. They both live with us - though D at Uni]
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [works away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away. No idea of current status of this relationship.

Online TreasurTopic starter

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Re: Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely
« Reply #11 on: March 30, 2019, 01:07:12 AM »
I think every LBS should plant a yellow rose as an HS symbol....the world will be better for more roses  ;)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely
« Reply #12 on: March 30, 2019, 05:36:25 AM »
Treasur

I lost you and spent the last 48 hours or so catching up and i’m up to date again! I won’t delve into quotes from your last thread instead will pick this...

I see fine men here all the time, men with grit and commitment and integrity. Men with balls worth respecting. And that is a lovely reminder that men like that exist.

I agree it is really nice to be involved with the real men here, rather than the MLC nonsense in RL. I am sure the men here also appreciate the strong decent women here, you being an excellent example of one.

(Yellow) Rose 🌹 💐
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - Sept 2016 and BD2 - May 2017
ILYBINILWY - June 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA until ?
Left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline Anjae

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Re: Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely
« Reply #13 on: March 30, 2019, 05:39:05 AM »
I think every LBS should plant a yellow rose as an HS symbol....the world will be better for more roses  ;)


We have yellow roses in the terrace. :-)  The world would indeed better for more roses. Or any other flowers. Hundreds of thousands of tulips were planted in Porto's gardens. They look beautiful.  :)

"I see fine men here all the time, men with grit and commitment and integrity. Men with balls worth respecting. And that is a lovely reminder that men like that exist." This was our MLCers before MLC. No one knows if the men we see will not have a MLC. Like no one thought our husbands' would.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely
« Reply #14 on: March 30, 2019, 06:32:00 AM »
Bringing my cult T-shirt along.  8)
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Online TreasurTopic starter

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Re: Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely
« Reply #15 on: March 30, 2019, 09:05:19 AM »
Looking for a bit of help from others who might have struggled with something similar and found a way round it. Free therapy lol as I'm not seeing mine for a couple of weeks.

While planting roses today, I really wanted to cry but wasn't sure why.
I think the closest I can get to it is that I feel hated. I don't know why of course but it's like smoke in the air. Not ow, that doesn't bother me and makes perfect sense.
But as the last bits of denial drop, the truth is that most likely and based on my xh's behaviour, he really hates me. To the point of perhaps wishing me harm or suffering.
Quite apart from the fact that it is an incomprehensible mondf**k of course, and tremendously sad for me to accept after so many years, it feels like it is sort of psychically infecting me.
I can rationally accept it as probable. I can see that he behaved for a long time as you would if you hated someone.
But I've never felt hated before.
And it is making me feel a bit yukky somehow.

Nothing I say or do will change it of course. And going back to NC means I don't see it. Yet somehow I still feel it. And of course the text was a poke to my system.
But it is making me feel really uncomfortable in my skin. Not afraid, just unsettled somehow.

Any thoughts on what helped from anyone who felt something similar a few years out?
« Last Edit: March 30, 2019, 09:11:05 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline sachat3

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Re: Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely
« Reply #16 on: March 30, 2019, 09:05:52 AM »
Anj - that’s the issue I face right now. I think if I met someone they would already have to have had a MLC. Lord knows if I devdide to stop standing and find someone new I am NOT doing MLC again ha! Once is enough
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Anjae

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Re: Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely
« Reply #17 on: March 30, 2019, 09:24:47 AM »
Any thoughts on what helped from anyone who felt something similar a few years out?



Time, focus on myself. Accept that the reaction and what I feel was normal. The usual stuff.  :) And yellow roses.  :)

Sachat, some here, like Ursa, have two marriages and two MLCers. Many people never had a MLC. The thing is, until someone has MLC, they were nice, good, decent people. Not sure I would want a MLCer, unless it was one that was single/non-MLC divorced/widowed when MLC come.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely
« Reply #18 on: March 30, 2019, 09:31:19 AM »
Treasur I don’t feel hated at all by my MLCer. I feel dismissed and that he feels apathetic toward me. Worse than hate? They say apathy is the opposite of love. Eh, either way, we’ve lost the affection of our beloved. Honestly I just try to remember he’s in crisis and that I represent all things he wants to run away from. It does help. Knowing he’s not the same self he was. That this version doesn’t care for me, but the old, better one did. I think I’m rambling now lol.

Anyway, sorry you feel hated friend. I sure like you and think you are pretty awesome! 8)
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Still Half full

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Re: Resistance is futile but Roses are Lovely
« Reply #19 on: March 30, 2019, 10:07:52 AM »
Aw Treasur, I’m sorry you’re feeling like that, but you’ve had a shock, the text was like a virtual punch, but you’re assuming and we know that’s not good

You have no idea how ow knew about your texts, you don’t know if he showed her or if she sneaked and checks his phone, you don’t know if he knows that she’s sent the text, and you don’t know if he agrees with her. Remember the Four Agreements, no assuming

I’m sorry that the stupid ow has invaded your space, but she’s done it because of how she feels, and you don’t know what that is, it could be trying to make trouble, it could be because she feels threatened, the list is endless, but she is definitely not worth you losing your equilibrium

I’m sure we would all feel like you do after receiving that text, so I understand, but get hold of those monkeys and chuck them out of your mind

Hope you get some comfort from your roses and that the sea air blows the negative thoughts and feelings from you
 :)
At BD June 2015
Me - 49
MLCH - 50
No children, unfortunately
OW - yes
Together 26 years, married 23
BD - told him to leave, OW left her H, they ran away together
Nov 2015 - H left OW as he wanted to return, lived locally while we tried
April 2016 - told him it wasn't working
Aug 2016 - H living with ow again
MLC H - not quite a vanishers, more a Hider, very little contact

 

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