Author Topic: My Story The pink fridge moment continued!  (Read 2151 times)

Offline MillyTopic starter

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My Story The pink fridge moment continued!
« on: April 02, 2019, 09:27:29 AM »
New thread and carrying on with the pink fridge symbol, which is my daily reminder of the major changes I have made.





Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10660.150
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline One day at a time

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Re: The pink fridge moment continued!
« Reply #1 on: April 02, 2019, 09:54:40 AM »
Attaching Milly. Sorry to hear you are unwell.. I had the flu 2 weeks ago and I threw myself a massive pity party thinking how alone I was while being sick.. I agree that having an extended group of friends is very important, I didn't see that while H was here but I think I have learnt my lesson now.. It's not the same as having a loving partner caring for you but at least if you are in bed really sick, a friend can get you medicine, bring you food or do the basics..  I hope you feel better soon!! I'm sure your D's TLC is helping   :)
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: The pink fridge moment continued!
« Reply #2 on: April 02, 2019, 10:23:44 AM »
Hi Millly--sorry you are sick. That always makes everything so much worse in our minds. Almost overwhelming. So just concentrate on recuperating. I am so happy your lovely D is there to care for you.

I was struck by what you said about your sweet S being used to having no father in his life. My S was 9 when H left. So I get it. But what an amazing amount of grace and kindness of you to say that you prefer S have some connection with his dad as opposed to none. And that you have to encourage it sometimes. That makes you a pretty amazing person!! It is not easy ALWAYS having to take the high road.

D24 is in a blaming mood. She is still likely very hurt by what her F did and cannot process it, and is blaming everyone for all of her issues. I love the way you handled. I would probably try to point out all of the flaws in her argument. LOL. And that would get me absolutely nowhere. She has probably already figured it out. Poor thing. We do forget how much damage MLC causes everyone, no matter what age. And 24 is still so very young. Of course she was even younger when this all started. This is the part that breaks my heart the most. Your children have all been impacted. Thank God they have you to always count on. And believe me, they do. Even if they don't always show it.

OK Milly, rest up and feel better.   
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Anon

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Re: The pink fridge moment continued!
« Reply #3 on: April 02, 2019, 10:24:54 AM »
Hi Milly - I'm really sorry to hear you are suffering with a bout of bronchitis.  Bronchitis is horrible.   I've had it a couple of times in the past and it's like having simultaneously, the flu, a cold and pneumonia, except ten times worse.  The last time I felt it coming on was on day 1 of a trip to Las Vegas with H, BIL, SIL.   SIL got it too.   Needless to say, the trip for us was a complete bust.   Only time I ever needed to actually use my travel insurance to see a doctor and get Rx medication.  Even with medication it was 2 weeks before I recovered enough to function half normally.   Thank goodness you have D21 to help you out.   

D24 - I'm glad she has unblocked you.  That's one less bit of stress for you.  She is still angry but,,, - at the delayed graduation or angry (anguished?) about her blown up family?  Maybe a bit of both but if she suppresses the anguish of her blown up family then it will find it's release in anger,,,, here, there and everywhere and at everyone until it's out in the open where it can be addressed.  Doesn't make it easier for you at all that she lives far away and contact is limited.   It's clear you love her though, and I don't doubt for a second that she knows that, despite lashing out at you.   I think you are dealing with it very well considering all the extra pain you must be feeling because of it.  Your H is likely not experiencing anything like you are because you know,, he has his MLC suit of armor and all to protect him from feeling much of anything.  ::)

Whether our H's will ever come out of MLC is question that I ponder as well.   tbh, though,,,I wonder if it's even worth pondering until at least 5 or 6 years out and the answer to that question will come only when the crisis ends.   Until then, there simply is no answer.   I've read many times that the turn around in the crisis or exiting the tunnel, etc. can occur very suddenly.  Stuff is happening in that tunnel or during the crisis that we cannot observe because it's going on inside their heads and there are no outward signs.   So it looks like nothing is changing when possibly everything is about to change,,, or,,, maybe not.   I've read lately about returns occurring way past BD...8yrs,,, 10 yrs...and it almost makes me wonder if the time-frame for MLC needs readjusting again.  It seems like the reconnection/reconciliations that occur in anything less than 5 - 6 years are on very shaky ground and needs to be handled so carefully it's terrifying.    Like.... what's the worse thing that can happen to you while holding nitroglycerine?   (Answer.. sneeze).    That's all it takes and kaboom,,,, back to ground zero. 

I could spend another hour of babbling away about the things you mentioned in your post,,, maybe another time,,, (like later this year?)  I am getting excited about travelling again.   Feels great to be researching, planning and anticipating a trip.  I've definitely been bitten by the travel bug.   I'll be cramming a lot into my few days in Rome.   So many tour companies;   Viator, The Roman Guy, Walks of Italy,,etc,,, any recommendations?

Anyway Milly, you just get better and soon.  Praying for your speedy recovery!!  Thanks for your update.   :)

Hugs,
Anon

Offline handpuppets

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Re: The pink fridge moment continued!
« Reply #4 on: April 02, 2019, 11:38:57 AM »
Attaching, Milly.

Sorry to hear you are battling bronchitis. I looked up the meta-physical meaning (Louise Hay) for bronchitis and here is what it says:

BRONCHITIS: Inflamed family environment.
Affirmation: I experience peace and harmony within myself and all around me. All is well.


Hope you start to feel better soon. Glad D21 is there to help.
“Lighthouses don’t go running all over an island looking for boats to save; they just stand there shining.” -Anne Lamott

Offline MillyTopic starter

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Re: The pink fridge moment continued!
« Reply #5 on: April 02, 2019, 12:14:23 PM »
Hi and thank you for posting.

Oneday, sorry you were sick too. I think just being sick can bring in a bit of a low feeling and then in our situation we are reminded of what we're trying to forget, that we are on our own and after years of creating a family, whether with or without kids, and now that whole life plan is destroyed.

Kit, my S was also 9 when my H left. It's such a young, sensitive age to be when your dad walks out. I remember my son dreading hearing that we were separating. My D24 is collateral damage of this MLC, too. Thanks for understanding.

Anon, your description of how it feels to have bronchitis is exactly right. That's precisely how I'm feeling. Glad you're looking forward to traveling and venturing miles away to see stuff that will be so different. I think having an exciting trip planned but several months away makes the lead up time exciting, too. So glad you can come on this Tuscany trip.

HP, that's quite a description of bronchitis. I do have an inflamed family situation. I must remind myself that I do have relative peace around myself.

I'm still in bed but feeling better than last night. I haven't been sick in bed since before BD. I used to always be sick during the winter in the past but not after BD. I have wondered if the adrenaline or something l like that caused by the stress of the situation didn't actually boost my immune system. I read that anxiety can produce cortisone which is an immune booster. Who knows, but just something I had noticed these past winters since BD.

H contacted S last night, asking him what he was doing today but then never acted on it. He did send S a photo of his veranda with very fancy garden furniture. I mustn't speculate, I know. The furniture looks brand new and very expensive. Of course, it could be from last year or the year before, what do I know. It did annoy me to see it because my H would never spend money on stuff like that for our family. But I tell myself that while my H is in replay, he needs to impress the OW. Everything in my H's life since BD is about appearances. I tell myself that beautiful garden furniture without the people to sit with or to barbecue with or to garden with or to play ping pong with is just not the same.   
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D24, D21, S14
OW Physical Affair. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 50 last year.

Offline Rising Phoenix

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Re: The pink fridge moment continued!
« Reply #6 on: April 02, 2019, 12:58:15 PM »
Attaching milly, hope you feel better soon xx
Me 51
H52
Married still, 22yrs
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

Online Treasur

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Re: The pink fridge moment continued!
« Reply #7 on: April 02, 2019, 01:22:54 PM »
Pink fridge with prosecco spanks the a$$ of garden furniture for people with no real friends...just sayin. :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline One day at a time

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Re: The pink fridge moment continued!
« Reply #8 on: April 02, 2019, 01:36:13 PM »
Pink fridge with prosecco spanks the a$$ of garden furniture for people with no real friends...just sayin. :)
Ha ha Good one Treasur!
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline heroIam

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Re: The pink fridge moment continued!
« Reply #9 on: April 02, 2019, 02:02:51 PM »
Following along milly :)
“In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero because everyone’s busy trying to save themselves.”

 

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