Author Topic: My Story MLC picture show round 2  (Read 553 times)

Offline sachat3Topic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 618
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: MLC picture show round 2
« Reply #40 on: April 12, 2019, 09:21:18 AM »
Oh no I know it’s not going to make him come home. Because if that was the case and he wanted that he would be making moves towards me. Not her.

Although I am chuckling at how he worked out I had blocked him. I did it a while ago and he’s retaliated by blocking my old business twitter 🤣
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 618
  • Gender: Female
Re: MLC picture show round 2
« Reply #41 on: April 16, 2019, 01:42:37 AM »
So today my no contact spell will be over. I’ve had literally no contact with H since Thursday mid morning. When he randomly popped in before we went away. Now the dilemma is, when I’m around H day to day and I physically see him. We get along. We don’t argue. We don’t fight. It’s nice and calm. Exactly how I want it especially around the kids. However, despite there not being stress or tension or whatever when he’s around. When we have no contact. It works so much better for me. I have time to plan my next steps. To get things straight in my head and what not. And whilst I understand I can’t do no contact long term. I will take these short sharp bursts of No contact and use them to my advantage.

Now I know when I say this next bit, you will all roll your eyes think I’m crazy. Hell it might not even make sense to any of you. But it makes sense to me. Now my gut is never wrong. Literally I can’t think of a time it’s been wrong if I’m honest with you and my gut tells me H will want to return to me. Infact deep inside of me, I don’t feel like he won’t want too once he’s journeyed himself through this. Weather I actually let him back depends on many many factors. However, I know there are some things that I’m going to have to do. I expect them to hurt a bit, but at the same time I know once it’s done I’ll be able to move forward. And this probably won’t make any sense to anyone but to me, It makes perfect sense. So a company I used to work with, had an annual business event in London that was always around Hs birthday. So we always coincided both of these and had our weekend away in London every year. It was our thing. Yet his birthday was 2-3 months after BD and we discussed going (before BD ofs!) but never planned and as he had something he wanted to do so we agreed to do it the weekend of his birthday to coincide the two. So he would be doing the thing whilst I was at my business event. Needless to say H went on that trip without me instead taking Ow. I never went to that business event ha! And I’m certain this year for his birthday they also went to London. Now here’s the thing, should H return I know this is something he will more than likely want to do. However I also know that there’s no way I could walk around London with him knowing that the last time he was here was with her. And the last time I went, was with him. Which leads me to my next point 🤣 (you see how my mind is free when I’m away from the crazy ha!) I feel like the only way I could ever contemplate doing this is, if I go to London myself or maybe with some girls friends (I’m leaning more to myself) and make my own memories there. That way I can remember what I did when I was finding myself instead of thinking about what he last did here. What is funny tho is how, from what I’ve seen it appears H hasn’t done any of the things we did or said we would do whilst in London. No London eye. No Houses of Parliament etc etc and no staying in the hotel we used too.

It probably sounds petty but it’s honestly not about being petty. It’s more about bringing myself peace and taking the stressors out before they have chance to appear. So that when the time comes, and I know it will be many many years from now. I’ll be able to firmly put everything from this chapter in a box and leave it there. I don’t want anything to be able to affect my future. Weather that involves H or not. I’ve got to take the control back, otherwise this type of thing could potentially ruin me.

The same goes for the restaurants I missed out of because H couldn’t eat there. I’ll take myself there. The films I wanted to watch but H didn’t. I’ll Netflix them.

I just feel like I’ll have to make a list of things that could affect me and deal with them. Instead of waiting for them to deal with me.

Side note - yesterday I took the kids to see MIL & BIL. I needed to pop to the shop so i asked MIL to watch the kids for me. As I was leaving her house, I noticed by her kitchen door a pile of letters. The top one addressed to me. Now my letter box is one that’s attached to my door. One of those boxes ones. And since H no longer has a key to my house. He also doesn’t have a key to the letter box. So I’m assuming he’s stuck his hand in the letterbox to get letters that would be addressed to him and these are what was addressed to me. I didn’t take the letters and I never mentioned it to MIL or BIL as I’m quite looking forward to seeing how H plays it. Then I’ll drag him to hell for sticking his hands in my letter box.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline Gettingbackup

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 64
  • Gender: Female
Re: MLC picture show round 2
« Reply #42 on: April 16, 2019, 03:55:28 AM »
I don't think it's petty at all. I think it's really brave and you're being really proactive, not reactive, you're choosing a response instead of being an ostrich and dealing with a situation when forced upon you.

You've given me something to think about. I tried going to places like Brighton with DS  where I had only ever been with H, to build new memories, but this was about four months after BD and was incredibly painful - everywhere I looked I saw H and a happy memory, and haven't been able to repeat that again. I've only gone to new places since. But that's me being controlled by the trauma and not the other way round...

Good on you Sachat!

Online readytofixmyselffirst

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 3345
  • Gender: Male
  • Back to being #1 for my daughters!!!!
Re: MLC picture show round 2
« Reply #43 on: April 16, 2019, 04:29:42 AM »
Hello,

A lot of what we do only makes sense to us.

Quote
I feel like the only way I could ever contemplate doing this is, if I go to London myself or maybe with some girls friends (I’m leaning more to myself) and make my own memories there. That way I can remember what I did when I was finding myself instead of thinking about what he last did here.

What a great perspective. I always looked at Get a life activities to take your mind off your situation and focus on living so that you did not wallow in your spouses antics. However, your post brings up a good point. Doing things does build positive memories to displace the bad memories. To reflect back on things and places you did will help pave the way- not for him, but for you.

Nice post and good perspective. Hope you have some great times and great memories.

((((hugs))) and more ((((hugs)))

Ready
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline One day at a time

  • MLCer Type: Low-Energy
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 715
  • Gender: Female
Re: MLC picture show round 2
« Reply #44 on: April 16, 2019, 06:36:44 AM »
I have done a few of those things already. Going to places or meeting people that were part of H and I shared history... It will be hard and might trigger you but eventually you will get over it.. Even going to the supermarket would trigger me at the beginning! Remembering conversations we had about products or things we would buy and enjoy together  ::)

Just do whatever you think it will help. Regardless if your H returns or not, you don't want things/places "tainted"  ;)
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.


"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline Mortesbride

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1878
  • Gender: Female
Re: MLC picture show round 2
« Reply #45 on: April 16, 2019, 08:40:39 AM »
Hmm sounds like a good idea to be fair.

Our little town is based around one major shopping centre...and everything is up there.

I tend to avoid it most the time because 1.) they both work up there 2.) don't want to run into people he knows for them to report back, 3.) to many memories.

So I can totally get it. But I haven't reclaimed anything yet to be honest. I just avoid it as much as I can.

Perhaps you should stick an ink strip in your letter box so when he reaches in he gets paint stain all over his hand...then tell him you were wondering who was stealing all your mail.  ???
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline Shining Star

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1082
  • Gender: Female
Re: MLC picture show round 2
« Reply #46 on: April 16, 2019, 09:25:06 AM »
I totally get that your intuition tells you he is coming back.  I, too, have started reclaiming places and making my own memories.  I think it is healthy and will help you heal.
H:56, I am 54
BD: March 2014, Left Sept 2014, Back Nov 2014
Left again in February 2015.  Asked for D on 9/22/15
Said he was "sure" he wanted a D in Dec 2015; 
Admitted long term affair - May 14, 2017 - says he is in love with the "symptom" but wants to build a relationship with me with "clear expectations" WHATEVER THAT MEANS!  Settlement Agreement signed 9/20/17.
Divorce final 3/14/18.
NC - by choice - 1/2018

Offline sachat3Topic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 618
  • Gender: Female
Re: MLC picture show round 2
« Reply #47 on: April 16, 2019, 11:46:36 AM »
Well the funny thing is. My intuition tells me he will want to come back. But it depends on so many things. It depends where I am in my journey. Will I have met someone? Will H have got Ow pregnant? Will it take too long? Etc etc. That I can’t tell. Which is why, despite what I think. I have to act as though he isn’t coming back. It’s funny cos I remember Ow Valentine’s Day present 2018 was a trip to Iceland. That is somewhere we said we would go together so I lost my SugarHoneyIceTea at him and told him if he went there with her, he will never go there with me. He’s still yet to take her. However, that’s also another place I sort of need to go too.

It’s almost like emotionally right now, I feel pretty strong. So I feel like I can tackle these things, I know they will probably hurt to address BUT I won’t be able to move forward unless I do address them.

With my “GALING” I’ve mainly done things to push my own boundaries. Like I would never go anywhere alone. It scared me. So I started with a trip to the cinema. Then a meal. Then a weekend in Dublin. Sort of like I’m building a sacha 2.0 🤣

Today was Hs day to have the kids overnight (as it’s not term time). So I was always expecting him to come over around 6 for the kids X Y and Z. Now I had spent most the day in my slobby gear. No makeup etc etc. I point blank refused to waste my makeup just to prove a point. Then my friend came over with some new eyelashes she’s launching. And she asked me to model them for her on Instagram. Couldn’t have come at a better time. Now I had a excuse to be all dolled up when he came to get the kids. D7 saw me doing my makeup and asked if I was going out all night so I used my opportunity and said “don’t worry I’ll be back in the morning when daddy drops you off”. H came over and we discussed money. In a nutshell there’s extra rent money and I assumed H as he pays the rest of my rent what my allowance doesn’t. He would just keep it but he’s said we will stock to the original agreement so there’s extra money about. I said did H want this one for the rent or next packet. He said it was up to me. He then said “you’ll probably want it this week as you’ll be out on Saturday won’t you” nice try pal but I’ve worked out how you fish now and there’s no longer and fish in this pond. So I just said nothing. And he took the kids to his. He also explained that there’s a extra weekend in May that I will have child free as he said his mum is having the kids. However, he showed me the weekend on his work schedule app thing and it’s blocked off as “holiday” so I assume that him and Ow are going away and he’s asked his mum to have the kids. Not sure why, it’s almost like he feels like he has to over compensate but whatever. I’m not looking this gift horse in the mouth.

He still never mentioned my post or the letter box. So I’m now more intrigued as to how he will play it off.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline sachat3Topic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 618
  • Gender: Female
Re: MLC picture show round 2
« Reply #48 on: April 17, 2019, 01:58:06 PM »
So H agreed to have the kids till dinner time. It was annoying that last night when he collected kids. I was in a rush and didn’t pinpoint a specific time.

This morning I made plans with my best friend (C) C has 3 children too. Similar ages to mine and they all get on well. We decided to go to the park. The one local to me is really good however as it’s so close the kids go  a lot so it gets a bit boring. So we decided to go to a different one. Usually when H brings the kids back around dinner I’ve usually had a lie in and haven’t been up long. Still in Pjs etc etc. However as I had plans when he came over I was fully dressed. He came over first with the things for the kids at around 12:15. He saw me dressed and started asking questions. But instead of saying “Where you going today?” Which I wouldn’t have answered. He said “oh let me guess your going X” and I got defensive and told him where we were going. I could literally see the smirk on his face that I fell for it. But oh well. He also had an anchor check if you will where he said something like “oh but you always come back to me tho” to which I said “no. Don’t think I do pal. Not anymore”. He also showed me a few photos of a new (absolutely vile) tracksuit he’s bought. I mean it’s SO not like anything he used to wear. This is an neon yellow tracksuit with a matching bum bag! I mean WOW. The kids came back and as I was getting everything ready. My pram was stuck so I took it outside and tried opening it up. My @$hole in tinfoil came to my aid as he must have heard me struggling. Me and the kids had such a good day at the park with C and her kids. What’s funny is, and I know this is mean but we saw a horse and right after BD C commented that Ow looked like a horse. I’ve always loved horses. My mum and grandad had horses and as I grew up I was always around them. So I said “I can’t wait to have my own horse. And I know what I’ll call it” at this point C laughed and said OWs name. D7 looked perplexed. Like someone missing out on the joke. And I explained to C that none of my kids know about Ow. C even said “D7 does your daddy have a girlfriend” she’s 8 in a few months so she knows the concept so to speak. To which D7, said “no” C laughed and said “does he not” And D7 then looked at me and said “is it you?” It’s been over a year now and my kids are still none the wiser of Ow existence and for that I’ll always be grateful.

Now also, just for my own giggle really. Me and D7 and D5 have started playing “coin master” so I made D7 and D5 a Facebook so they could play. My instinct said “sacha use D5 Facebook to search Ow” now I haven’t done this in ages but in the past whenever I’ve snooped. There’s always been that urge and I’ve seen something new/interesting/whatever. And I felt this urge deep in my actual stomach. I didn’t want to do it impulsively so I made a cup of tea. Watched one episode of emmerdale. Went back to the phone and I still felt the urge. So yes yes I did it. It didn’t make me angry or hurt it just made me laugh. She changed her profile picture. To a “haha he’s mine” photo of her wearing his hoody. What baffles me is the photo of her is HIDEOUS. I’ve seen other photos of her where she looks better and yet she still chose that one. So I can only assume it was to try and “bait me” or anger me or whatever as a haha I’ve got his jumper. Wow babes, cos I’ve got one of his too in my wardrobe. One you bought him. Shall I make that my profile pic hey? But secondly YET AGAIN she’s changed her relationship start date. A date she used before and one still after BD so it doesn’t matter. I just find it odd that she would keep changing it. If anything it’s making her account look complete BS. I’ve asked H many times (not for a while) when the relationship started. He’s only ever given one date. Never once slipped up. Whereas Ow cycles between three dates. This might sound weird but I feel proud of myself that I’ve got to a point where I can see her name. See her face and I don’t get angry or hurt anymore.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.