Author Topic: My Story BURNING MAN 6  (Read 2456 times)

Online WatcherTopic starter

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My Story BURNING MAN 6
« on: April 09, 2019, 05:21:23 AM »
Well we met in a parking lot of the mall last night. I thought we would go inside but we sat in her car for 4 hours and talked. My #1 condition to return home is the removal of her parents from our home. I only have 2 conditions because I want more access to our son's and I want to be a father. At this stage that's the relationship I want to cherish so she doesn't need to make a clean exit from her crisis in other words for me. She would never adhere to condition #2 IMO at the moment anyway.

She is fed up with her parents. A lot of anger in her. I wonder how many times she sits in her car in parking lots instead of going home. We can't enjoy our home Watcher and we can't even see our son's because of that b!tch. On and on about how the boys deserve a father and we deserve to be a family. She is all about the family at the moment.

How do we get rid of them Watcher ? I wasn't subtle. I said we could kill her but she said we couldn't do that .   ::) Well that's all I had.  ;D So it was a venting session and I really have no problem listening to her.

She is a victim of childhood abuse. Do you know how strong you are going to have to be to be my husband ? I am really eff'd up in my head. My mom worked me for 15 years about how bad you were and I eventually believed her. I'm paranoid now because of her abuse. What you experienced with my mom these past 5 years is what I lived with my entire life.

So her mom is the Narc abuser. W admits she has rage issues and said she shouldn't be hitting me. It is something she learned from watching her parents as a child. I failed to pick up her phone call yesterday morning as it was on silent. So I received a rage text. So I responded likewise with a WTF. Having a hard time with projection my dear. That's how the day started and thus she later explained her rage issue with me.

Her online group is a support group and all of them are victims of some sort of abuse. They help each other. If she posts something online it is what she feels at the moment. She is expressing herself. She also admits that she likes attention. She says she is over "that issue"(OM). I will not address it.

In her mind OM was the catalyst. It led her on a search to discover what was wrong in our marriage that led her to pursue another man. Her mom fed her for years that I was unfaithful and she came to believe it.
So she has been discovering and learning about her childhood trauma.

In the meantime she just called me this morning irate because she wants her parents out of the house and I am not helping her. She has evidence of physical abuse so I said press charges and get a restraining order against your mom. Oh I can't do that because I already went that route with you and now they will think I'm crazy.

Her answer is sell the house. She is a victim of abusers and cannot stand up to them. I floated have the boys move in with me and go live with one of your girlfriends. We will let everything at the house shutoff and I will change the locks to get them out. She likes that idea and is thinking about it.

She is putting incredible pressure on me to solve this inlaws issue. WTF does she want me to do. Everytime I have tried in the past she stabbed me in the back. She is really badgering me for a solution. This really is her problem. So she is pissed this morning because I'm not listening to her. She settled down eventually but I'm going to have a long day with her. I already know.

Now she called again and dropped OM's name on me like he is family.  ::) My mom kept him alive for too long with me. I stated simply, treat your mom the way you treated me for 4 years. Go NC and give her the silent treatment. Take away her van that is ours and completely shut her out and make life miserable for her. I told her it works. ::)

Thanks for your support.
Enjoy your day everyone

Previous thread:  https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10748.0

« Last Edit: April 09, 2019, 08:27:05 AM by Thunder »

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #1 on: April 09, 2019, 05:33:38 AM »
You know this, Watcher, but please be very careful...your w has a long history of triangulation...right now you are the rescuer and MiL the persecuter but the roles have been reversed by your w in the past. And those are the times when stuff has got physical or legally threatening for you and for your job...
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Wonder no more

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #2 on: April 09, 2019, 05:36:58 AM »
Watcher,   BIG, BIG warning signs.  Sorry Watcher but talk, while it is a window into their mind at the moment,  is cheap.  She still wants you to do it all, pay the bills, get rid of her parents.  This is really no different than November. Like I said , you are great at listening to her but she does not "hear" you at all.   Only she can get rid of her parents not you.  If you attempt to help her with it you will land in legal troubles again.  I know you want access to your boys but be careful. I can see you are already getting sucked into the drama.  Set your boundaries and stick to them.  No parents, no gambling and you will consider moving back.  If you bend on those you will most likely have a repeat of November.  Sorry Watcher but you are leading with your heart too much.  Just don't want you to get hurt and in legal trouble all over again.   She needs to be in counseling.  YOU can't fix her!!  Hugs Watcher this must be so tough on your heart.

Offline Whyus

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #3 on: April 09, 2019, 05:43:57 AM »
It sounds good Watcher but as the Girls said, you have been here before.
It could be different this time, she seems to be more solving her parents issue than last time, OM is not an issue anymore which can only be good! She even told you what he represented and why she did what she did.
Just be careful, sleep with one eye open and be Aware of your surrounds at all times  ;)
Good luck big fella
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is trying to get People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 20
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Online WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #4 on: April 09, 2019, 06:11:20 AM »
Hi Treasur, WonderNoMore, Whyus

Without a doubt this is November all over again. I'm not helping her with the parents. She could easily get them out as she sent me plenty of texts and a photo yesterday and I am saving everything this time. I have run into her out and about with her mom during the past 4 months. I told her. The 3 of you conspired to get rid of me and now you got what you wanted.

Is there physical abuse ? Yes. However that's there dysfunctional relationship. My mom forces me to take her to the casino. If I don't take her she will be a maniac and contact all my friends. Why does she have access to your friends ?  My mom forces me to hang out with her.

Oh if you cared about us you would get us out of here Watcher. I told her you left me. We have had a horrible last 4 years. I was clear that I cannot just move back. She says we will never be able to begin our healing until the parents are out of the picture for good. That part is true.

No WNM she keeps saying listen to me Watcher when I say listen to me wife.    ::)  She is selling it as she did me a favor now by getting rid of me. Oh she definitely wants me to save her.

Yes the situation is extremely volatile. I was contemplating last night that divorce would be such an easier road for me. LOL...You let them in our life Watcher. I wanted to be a stay at home mom. You forced me to work.

Yes, I have a stupid heart for her. Ok I'm at work so my objective is not to see her today. She survived the weekend without me. She went out with her GF on Saturday which is a positive to me. Yesterday was our 2nd day of contact.

Yes we will make it too a month and I will be back at the police station in May. She totally blows off that we have been separated for 4 years and that I was traumatized by what has transpired.

So I don't see a problem with phone contact however, am I listening too much ? She definitely talks a lot but wants immediate results. She definitely does not like it when I don't pick up my phone.

Thanks
« Last Edit: April 09, 2019, 06:13:31 AM by Watcher »

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #5 on: April 09, 2019, 06:41:10 AM »
Oh boy Watcher, she is still putting so much unfair blame on you and taking no responsibility for her actions.  Maybe she just can't.  She doesn't see reality at all.
Her mom and you are at fault.  ???

She just wants you to fix everything.  ::)  It's like nothing has changes.  Same song, same dance. sigh

What did she say about the letter and getting the W2 back?  Did she understand why you have to file separately?

I agree with you, phone convo's only are a good idea.
Did you get to see the boys at all last night?

Have a peaceful day, Watcher.  This can't last forever.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #6 on: April 09, 2019, 06:46:26 AM »
Hi Thunder,

I think I have to block her number. She is looking to move in with a GF at 700 dollars a month so I would get the boys and the parents would still be in our home until they vacated.

She wants to know what I think. Obviously she is a conflict avoider to goto this extreme. Is this the Wallower really just finally leaving on her own ?

This is happening too fast at the moment. The boys are going to bring my dirt road cred tour to a crashing halt you know. She is desperate to get the boys, especially S16, away from MIL. She is not 100 percent sure of S18.

So my W will be potentially living with a GF. S16 would potentially live with me and the jury is out on S18. WTF is all I can say. I would also need S18. I'm not leaving him with MIL.

Thunder she cannot focus on anything else, eventhough, I talked to her about the W2. I physically have to stop seeing her Thunder and you know why. No I did not see the boys unfortunately as she had my attention.

This is pure lunacy.

Online WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #7 on: April 09, 2019, 07:01:02 AM »
So she advised me that this GF is affiliated with her online group and lives alone. I already know who she is talking about because I make it my business to know things. My W is departing this weekend and I will be getting both boys. She will not return until her parents vacate our home.

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #8 on: April 09, 2019, 07:07:34 AM »
Do you alone have the legal right to evict them, Watcher? Is the house just in your name or in joint names? I ask bc I suspect - assuming your w does move to the gf's place - that she is doing the equivalent of going outside and leaving you to clear up after one of the kids vomited on a rug...
« Last Edit: April 09, 2019, 07:10:11 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #9 on: April 09, 2019, 07:14:15 AM »
I don't know Watcher, it's kind of sounds like she is going to run away to avoid paying the utilities, or the kids, and the parents. Will the parents even leave if they still have free rent?

I'm not sure that will get them out of there, but we'll see.  It kind of makes them your problem then, doesn't it?

Only one thing, if the utilities do get shut off, and she's gone, you won't be held responsible will you?
Please think this over hard and long before you commit to it, Watcher.  It's a big undertaking.
You have a pretty quiet life right now
 
If the kids live with you, the youngest can go to public school.  She would have less say over it, really.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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