Author Topic: My Story BURNING MAN 6  (Read 2452 times)

Offline karmirtsaghik

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My Story Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #110 on: April 15, 2019, 12:44:06 PM »
Watcher,

She wants to sell the house, because she hopes to get a share of sell proceeds. It is all about money. When you sell the house, the ils become the burden of the buyer? No of course, they should vacate before the new owners move in. How are they going to move out? She wants an apartment to live with you because she knows her expenses will be covered. She just does not want to keep up with her responsibilities.
Remember 2 days ago, she was telling you that you are the reason why she broke up with her parents. Have you ever asked her what does she do with her money?

Offline Wonder no more

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #111 on: April 15, 2019, 01:50:39 PM »
Well Watcher, She has warned you to stay away from the house.  If MIL is willing to make you lose your job then perhaps you should listen to that warning.  You need to back off a bit .  Your wife is spinning and trying to get you entangled in her mess.  Be careful on how much head space you are willing to give up.  Maybe if you tell her you will not help her remove her parents or help financially, she will back off.  Her mania must exhaust you.  I hope you can turn off your phone and get some rest once in a while.

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #112 on: April 15, 2019, 03:49:29 PM »
Watcher I have to agree with Ready.

There is no "we" in this situation. This is her issue and problem. Because is "we" becomes you. Then any actions against MIL will suddenly be Watcher's plan and ideas. Not hers.
The mil already isn't concerned about you losing your job.  I'd stay a mile away from that house.
Plus like you said they will be buddy, buddy again and you will look like the bad guy.

Now today she says MIL will explode soon. Something about MIL is demanding 90 dollars from her for internet service that she paid.
Meanwhile W refuses to go home.

Is she staying with you or a friend, if she's not going home?

Again Watcher she is running away from her responsibilities.  If she paid the Internet for her then she should reimburse her at least half.  I doubt her parents use the Internet.  Sounds like it's more for the boys.

I honestly think her wanting you to sell the house is more about walking away from the utility bills, than getting rid of her parents.  I would imagine shut off notices are coming out about now.

She just can't keep ignoring those bills.

Besides really Watcher with the house in the condition it's been kept in how could you begin to get it ready to sell?
You'd almost be better walking away from the house and let it go back to the bank.

I hope you are finding some peace somewhere.  Maybe work can be your break.  Just turn off the phone.

So when are your concerts coming up?   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #113 on: April 15, 2019, 04:20:32 PM »
Hi Thunder, WNM, Karm, KIT.

I can't sell the house as it needs repairs and I could never show it with the 2 squatters in it. I told her that.

She spent Sat and Sun at her GF and IDK her plan for tonight. Her frame of mind changes quickly.

This is her current plan.

1) Remove her parents from the house on her own
2) get therapy to deal with this OM addiction
3) get couples therapy to deal with us
4) remain living separated until she can figure herself out. just her and the boys in the house
5) I would be free to have a relationship with the boys
6) I can make home repairs ( idk how I feel about that one)
7) She agreed with me to have no more sex with each other until we get things figured out ( the lie detector test said that is a lie) hahaha

So she didn't goto work today. She spent a lot of time at school. S18 can be on track to graduate if he attends 2 extra classes a week to meet the passing requirements. In other words, they are giving him a golden opportunity IMO.

I talked to her briefly tonight and she is all worked up on OM. It just comes out of nowhere as this is not an everyday topic. She is really angry. I guess she is just venting.

I do turn my phone off at night in order to sleep. She is angry today about OM so she is not in a playful mood and has been quiet.

I have the half marathon in Gettysburg on the 28th and the next concert is May 3rd. We were at school this morning so the gym will start tomorrow.

She has gained considerable weight. This is most likely depression along with her new taste for alcohol. Many plans involving her and her friends. This weekend she will be out with them and it is a pay weekend.

No interest in the gym nor exercise. She has money for nothing. IDK why. Not asking me for a dime. She will figure utilities out if she is on her own. Her plan is to call police on abusive mom and have her charged. She has plenty of photographic evidence. That's what she came up with on her own.

We may or may not work out Watcher. We will simply try however, if we are toxic then we are done. We will only know when my mom is gone.

Again. Too much talk. We will see.

Thanks


Online WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #114 on: April 15, 2019, 07:20:26 PM »
Update

The inlaws have exited our home and removed half of their belongings. S16 advised MIL said her goodbyes and asked him to open the door when she comes again because she has remaining items to claim.

W informed me that phase one has begun and she is giving them 3 days to claim the remainder of their items.

MIL informed W a few days ago that she secured a loan. W informed me that our healing can begin now. We will remain living separated but she welcomes me to spend as much time as possible with our sons.

I have always been very clear with W that I would never force myself on her nor the situation. She has as much time as she needs plus I'm in no rush myself.

She informed me that she is already in therapy with a therapist that deals in Narcissistic Recovery. She will now seek therapy to deal with her addictive behaviors as she calls it.

I can tell she is nervous but she said she is strong and is ready to face what lies ahead. She will figure out household expenditures.

OK I didn't say much. She gave me a hug. I'm not pointing things out to her but the locks will have to be changed and anything of theirs need to be discarded, especially those mattresses. We cannot leave beds in our home to invite them back.

I made no suggestions as it's still not my house nor my situation. The vehicle the inlaws took belongs to us and is registered to W. Title is in both of our names. We do have to protect ourselves. Again I made no suggestions as we will have to take it back or W can sign it over to them as old.

So an eventful/unexpected night. I got to hang out in S16 bedroom til 10pm. It's been a long time. March 2017. So I have a little smile on tonight and I'm very happy for the 3 of them and hopefully the house will be peaceful now.

I have to go buy pringles for S16 before I goto my moms house. That's what he wants.   ;D

Online WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #115 on: April 15, 2019, 08:35:23 PM »
Well I had to wait as the snake is leaving under the cover of darkness. W is a wreck crying in her bedroom. Obviously she does not want me around however she wants me to wait until they are finished.

So this is unknown territory for me and I have no clue what to expect as tonight is just another reminder that this is her journey.

So it is an odd feeling as I'm scared. Does she have expectations of me now ? That type of scared. Like this is really unexpected. It's a whole new level of uncertainty. I have no clue what she is up to. I talked to W at 5pm and she was fired up about how she would discard the Narc.

Neither one of us expected this tonight. At 8pm she was apprehensive entering the house and by 9pm the moving began.




Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #116 on: April 16, 2019, 01:11:02 AM »
Well, that is a bit of a surprising turn of events...no wonder you feel a bit thrown by it. And your w says she is getting therapy now?
All I can suggest is to go slow, Watcher, slow enough that you do not get sucked into your w's spin cycle.
See what happens but from a little bit of distance. And tbh, the moving out of your ils is not the magic fix for everything is it? So, go slow...
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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Offline Wonder no more

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #117 on: April 16, 2019, 04:35:02 AM »
Yes be careful, It's like the end of the MLC affair not the end of the crisis.

Online WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #118 on: April 16, 2019, 05:57:54 AM »
Hi Treasur WonderNoMore.

That's exactly how I see it. The end of the MLC affair. I always felt MIL was the OP.  W says she has to mourn now and it has nothing to do with me at this point. She was crying and visibly upset when I left last night.

This morning she called me and she was venting. She says obviously they had money and they rather spend it somewhere else rather than live a peaceful existence with her.

She says typical Narc not getting things her way so she leaves. MIL told W she just made the biggest mistake choosing me. She had parting messages for each of the boy's.

Of course W already has a million plans and ideas. Now IDK the real story. IDK how life has been in that house. Yes she is still in crisis and ,yes, the huge financial mess remains.

So W called me this morning and asked me to remove the offending mattresses. She removed the smaller items that they left behind. Now our home is empty of their belongings.  ;D

So I am at Kickboxing this morning after 20 days off. I hope this oblique works because now I really need it to.  ::)

Thanks

She also just called and wants the locks changed today if I could do her that favor.
« Last Edit: April 16, 2019, 06:01:21 AM by Watcher »

Online Treasur

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Re: BURNING MAN 6
« Reply #119 on: April 16, 2019, 06:10:42 AM »
How are your boys, Watcher, bc I guess this is a bit of a sudden change and maybe drama fest for them too?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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