Author Topic: My Story Where Do we fit? All Things New!  (Read 1441 times)

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« on: April 14, 2019, 03:28:02 PM »
Well, I thought I was doing to my last chapter.  My ex has taken me down to the road of chaos as life didn’t really turn out the way he thought.  He hasn’t admitted it but he hasn’t been able to do his life very well.  Still playing the blame game because he just can’t look at himself. 

But...everything that was throw at me I was able to walk through.  God protected me.  He didn’t stop it but he kept me afloat. So now it’s me time.

Because of finances I had to move out of the apartment I had for the last 6 years after my ex moved me from 1 state to another.  I tried to hold on to it but it was time to move on, let go and start new.  I did all that while going through bankruptcy. Other then feeling humiliated by it all it turned out not to be to bad.  I just wished my bankruptcy was because of something I did rather than my ex losing his business and messing up his life but it’s done and I survived.

So, just before the move I found out that my full time job was going down to part time.  More chaos, my chaos.  So I panicked thinking I was going to be homeless.  My department found me a job 45 minutes from my home and I didn’t have a good feeling about it.  Placed some resumes out there and found a job within the company I’m working with.  It’s going to be a good fit.  It’s a buck less an hour and not sure how that is going to work for me but it’s close to home and I get to keep my benefits and time off.  I also just had an interview with a grocery store near me for a part time job but I’m sure it’s not going to pay well.  But, I will do what I need to do. 

So, everything is in order.  I still have 1 last thing to nail down.  The 2014 taxes he left me with and then there is nothing more.  He won’t pay me the alimony so there’s no need connecting with him to so I have been no contact for about almost 2 1/2 months.  I think this is the longest.

I’m still unpacking but my place is looking good. It’s not what I had but I can make it my home.

Thanks for reading and keeping me on track.

Here’s to another new thread!!!!

https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10241.0
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« Last Edit: April 14, 2019, 03:29:47 PM by UnconditionalLove »
God is with her, she will not fall
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Offline Thunder

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #1 on: April 15, 2019, 03:29:53 AM »
Following along on your new journey, UL.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline sachat3

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #2 on: April 15, 2019, 04:14:40 AM »
Following along
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D5 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #3 on: April 24, 2019, 03:45:19 PM »
UL, good luck in the new place. And kudos to you for taking the bull by the horns regarding your job. They say one of the most stressful things in life is a long commute because the traffic is always different and you never get settled with a pattern. It was also brilliant that you get to keep your benefits and time off.  I would have taken a cut in pay too, to achieve all of that.
trying2bok

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #4 on: April 26, 2019, 09:26:09 PM »
Seems like you're making the new place a lovely home for yourself.  At least its MLC free ;D
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #5 on: April 30, 2019, 03:10:57 PM »
Well hello my people! LOL! 
So, I have gotten moved in.  Now for the occasional tweaking.  I wanted to have everything in place before I start my new job which is Monday so I was able to do that.  The job I have right now I had half a day on friday's off.  I will miss that but I was actually working a part time job anyhow so sometimes I had to go there from 2 to 5.  I just picked up an another new part time job.  A friend started a dog walking, training, groom business and I will be working night remotely at home doing invoices, and other office stuff so. For now finances should be in order.  I will still hold on to my other part time job which will make 3 jobs but I got this.  If my ex would just send me a wee bit of money I wouldn't have to do this but I'm not asking for anything from him.  I won't get it and I don't want to break no contact to hear I won't get it.  I'm going to live on faith! Next week it will be a full 3 months of no contact!  He will never look back!  I honestly think if and when the affair OW thing is over he might just leaving the US and head back to mom and dad's country to hide.  They could use his help and he can look like the good son.  Of course he's in debt and hasn't paid taxes so that would start the whole tax evasion thing.   Who really knows what he will do.

Thanks everyone for the support!  It feels good to be out of the old apartment but it also has made me more alone.  I don't know anyone here and at the other place I did.  So, I feel a little like all I did was make myself more alone. 

Hope you all have a great night!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #6 on: April 30, 2019, 03:37:21 PM »
It will only feel more lonely at first. Then, as you become accustomed to the new place, it will begin to feel like home and comfy. Are you able to take walks around the new neighborhood and possibly meet some people?
trying2bok

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #7 on: May 01, 2019, 06:47:39 PM »
Learning, you are right I’m sure it will get better.  I haven’t gotten out yet because I just moved and wanted to get this packing done before I start my new job on Monday.  I use to have half a day on friday’s Off and now I’m working an 8 to 5 M thru F.  Part time evenings starting soon so I won’t have much time to myself.  I will start getting out here possibly this weekend.

In other news.  The 2014 joint taxes have been hanging over me.  If all goes well because I got disconnected from the IRS person I was talking to tonight.  If she follows through I am going to pay $50 a month for a year on those stupid taxes to get them off my back.  Then they want to raise it in a year.  Any other plan was going to put me in a lien situation with them and I’m tired of being humiliated by MLC’er stupidity.  They wouldn’t place him on a lien just me.  But, the lady I spoke to tonight was great. I prayed and prayed and prayed I would get a good person from the IRS and she was very understand and explain stuff well. I can’t let this go on any more. 

So, that was the last thing I needed to take care of.  I am also going to check into a Tax attorney to see if he knows of other options as well.  But this will buy me time. 

So, there you go!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #8 on: May 02, 2019, 12:44:25 PM »
Sounds like you got the perfect agent to help you with your dilemma. Glad to know the payment plan won't break the bank. I think you are wise to want to consult with an attorney.

I hope the unpacking goes well and you will be out and about dazzling your new neighbors.
trying2bok

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #9 on: May 02, 2019, 03:29:43 PM »
Thanks learning!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline Thunder

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #10 on: May 03, 2019, 03:20:46 AM »
Hi UL,

I'm glad you got a nice person in the IRS to talk to.  I've been on hold with them for hours sometimes and then get a grouchy agent doesn't help any. 

Hope you absolutely love your new place!  It just takes awhile to make it home.

Big Hug

A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #11 on: May 03, 2019, 12:47:11 PM »
Thank  you Thunder.  I think I'm finally dug my way out.  I'm sure I will start enjoy my new place here soon.  Starting to settle in.  New job Monday and off I go! LOL
Hope you have a great weekend!

Big HUGS back!
God is with her, she will not fall
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Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #12 on: May 26, 2019, 08:18:01 PM »
Hey, I just thought I would check in.  I just got back from a much needed vacation.  My friend took me on a Disney cruise and it was amazing!  It was so nice to be with someone for 4 days that I have known for a long time.  I rested, played, enjoyed and sunned. LOL!  But, one thing came to mind.  I am single and look I still have opportunities like the ones I would have had married.  Just a few but this last year I flew to Vegas for a conference where I was asked to sing.
I went to Ireland and I just got back from a cruise.  All I have to say is I am blessed!!!!

Feb 7th was the last communication I had with me ex.  It ended with me saying I was moving and him asking me to send him an email with my new address.  I said I didn’t think he needed it because if he was going to send me money he would do it through paypal.  After getting off the phone with him and him telling me all the weird stuff about himself.  I texted this

Hey, if what you said today is true about your life, it makes me sad to know that such a brilliant person I once knew is so lost.  I just wanted to say maybe it’s time to reach out to some people you once knew for help.  there has got to be more for your life.  Something just doesn’t feel healthy.

And then...4 months of silence from me!  I’m kind of proud of that.  It’s the longest silence no contact.   I’m moving forward and done trying to get money. Ill just work my butt of till I can’t.  He’s not going to contact me.  Even if he has a moment that he thinks about it he won’t because money could be brought up.  He’s made his bed and long live there relationship. LOL! 

New job is going ok.  Still learning and I’m honestly tired of learning something new.  I will be learning this job for awhile.  I hope I can learn it all.  Working for actual Drs can be stressful so we’ll see how that goes when I’m finally working on my own. 

Hope you all are enjoying your long weekend!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #13 on: May 26, 2019, 09:24:22 PM »
What a lovely holiday you had UL, so nice to do normal things for a change.  Sometimes I don't feel as if I've done anything normal for many years.  The activities I used to do with xH are not what I do these days.  i do miss having a man to do stuff with.  I don't miss Xh the way he is, but the way he was before.

Keep on going with the new job, I'm sure it will feel like you've been there years very soon.  I started a new job a few months after BD and have no idea how I wasn't fired as my poor mind was mush ::)
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #14 on: May 27, 2019, 07:50:14 AM »
UL, I am so happy that you are finding that you can still enjoy life. I went to Ireland twice, I went to visit family in Norway, I go to see lots of music concerts, been on cruises, etc. There is life after all this chaos. We just have to be open to see the possibilities instead of lamenting what is no more. Of course, we all find our way in our own time.

We are survivors. And UL, you have a place on my Apocolypse team any time you want it. We know how to get things done! :)
trying2bok

Online Milly

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #15 on: May 27, 2019, 01:08:03 PM »
UL, I'm so pleased you had a great time on the cruise. Don't worry about feeling you have a ways to go in your new job, that's normal. I bet you'll be doing great in no time. You're an LBS who found HS, you're used to learning lots of stuff very fast. Just give yourself time.

What a ways you've come.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline CallingHeart

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #16 on: May 27, 2019, 02:24:42 PM »
I’m happy for all the blessings you’ve been counting and all the genuine “UL” you’ve been identifying with along the way on this path you didn’t choose for yourself.  You sound great.  Keep singing, keep dancing, and keep cruising!
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

It's no longer all about MLC!  
Pfffffffftttt !

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #17 on: May 27, 2019, 03:48:24 PM »
Haha Learning.  I’ll join your Apocolypse team.  I’m honored you would have me.

Thanks Milly. I just feel like I transferred within the company and they are thinking I should have all this down.  But I am getting it slowly.  No one has said anything to me so it must be all good.

Thanks Calling,  I will keep plugging along.

Thanks for the encouragement everyone!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline Thunder

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #18 on: May 27, 2019, 06:19:12 PM »
You sound amazing UL.

Very proud of you going this long with NC.
Yay you!!   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #19 on: July 07, 2019, 07:19:43 PM »
Well, well he has a JOB! Well kind of.  I know when he did get a job that I would probably be able to find it. He got hired to work Saturday at a chiro franchise clinic.  They did a congrats to him and it showed up on the search and link to FB.  My guess is they hired him for Saturday’s because there are no full time position for him but they are getting ready to open a new clinic close and will be moving people around.  I should be able to track that down and then I will start the whole please send me money thing again but for now.  I’m laying low.

Here is the kicker to this.  I spoke to him in February as I was trying to get a feel about money.  I said you know you should try and get a job with SSSSSS company. And BAM he got hired in May.  He is still taking my lead!  Can someone explain that? LOL! He still follows my lead.  He’s done this a few times while with other woman.  He has to still in some way respect my advice.  Or just can’t come up with anything himself.  Weird.
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #20 on: July 28, 2019, 05:47:43 PM »
Just thought I would check in an journal a bit.  I don’t think I’m on the radar here anymore and I understand.  I have been on here now on and off for 5 years.  I can’t believe this has been going on this long.  First week of Aug it will be 6 months and no contact with my MLC’er.  I have pretty much left him behind. 

I have settled in with my new job.  Stressful but I like it. I am learning my weekday part time job and enjoying it.  I now have weekends off because I lost my weekend job.  Not sure how I will survive but I seem to be.

I am going to begin going to counseling.  My church is paying for it.  I mentioned I wanted to go back on and do ministry and they thought it would be good for me to go to counseling because telling my story is going to open up that whole can of worms I have tried to put behind me.  So, I said I would go.  It’s something I can’t afford so it’s an opportunity I should take.

My health isn’t doing so well.  I don’t feel bad but my number are out of whack so I am choosing to make some med changes to see if it help or I will need to do some radioactive stuff and I don’t want to do that yet.  I feel find and don’t want to mess with that no matter what the numbers say. 

In other news my life is so boring.  I hate just making through each day. There is nothing to look forward to.  I miss my old life and can’t seem to find anything in my new life to really enjoy.  So, I have settled into the fact that this is it.  It’s not the worst, not the best just boring. 
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Offline xyzcf

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #21 on: July 28, 2019, 05:55:08 PM »
Quote
I miss my old life and can’t seem to find anything in my new life to really enjoy.  So, I have settled into the fact that this is it.  It’s not the worst, not the best just boring.

Many of us feel the same way. You'd think we'd be beyond all that and we do all find different things to do...but I would agree....I miss my old life very very much. I miss him very very much and accept that this is the way things are, grateful for the good that I have in my life.

I hope you get your meds straightened out. That on top of everything else is added stress.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #22 on: July 28, 2019, 06:17:52 PM »
Thank you XYZCF.  I guess how I feel is pretty normal if many others feel the same way.  Stress is what is making my tumors grow.  This last 5 years hasn’t been good for my health but it could have been worst. I’m still here and still kicking pretty well. LOL!

Hope all is well with you!
God is with her, she will not fall
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Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #23 on: July 29, 2019, 05:05:51 AM »
Here is the kicker to this.  I spoke to him in February as I was trying to get a feel about money.  I said you know you should try and get a job with SSSSSS company. And BAM he got hired in May.  He is still taking my lead!  Can someone explain that? LOL! He still follows my lead.  He’s done this a few times while with other woman.  He has to still in some way respect my advice.  Or just can’t come up with anything himself.  Weird.

He has MLC Fog-Brain..... and couldn't find his way out of a paper bag with a map, compass, and a handheld GPS....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #24 on: July 29, 2019, 05:37:37 AM »
Hi UL. nice to hear from you.   :)

I'm really sorry about the tumors, but yes stress can do a lot of damage to our health.  I'm happy to hear you can get some counseling and your church will pay for it.  God bless them.
Weren't there specialist out of state you wanted to see?  Did you ever get there?

I'm glad you are feeling ok.  Are you just on medication for them, or do they recommend any other kind of treatment?  (If you care to share)

UL it's funny, you'd think 5 years is such a long time and you should feel back to normal, but in the grand scheme of things it's really a pretty short time to get back to normal.   Our world gets knocked off kilter with this shock and things change overnight.  It takes a lot of time to get where we want to be.

6 months NC, bravo!  It will keep getting easier, UL. 

Hope you're enjoying your new place?

Big Hug   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #25 on: August 15, 2019, 04:36:50 AM »
Hi UL, it is good to hear from one of the longer timers, I've been here six years and it still feel as if I have some healing to do.  It's the gift that keeps on giving and I think the more ruthless the MLCer is, the longer it takes.  The constant lawyers letters and court appearances kept me engaged for a lot longer than I wanted and now that all the legals are sorted, I finally feel I can do things for me and not have to worry about xH ruining the flow of my life.

I hope your health improves, maybe now you don't have your H constantly at you, things will get better.

My life is sort of boring too. It was boring when I was with xH and I loved it, routine of taking the kids to school, going  to work etc., just what I loved.  Mu life is now limbo and I wish for boring, it was the best!

The difference is life is either boring and a little sad or boring and content and I wish for the contentment again which xH took away from me.

"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #26 on: August 16, 2019, 06:47:11 PM »
Thanks for still reading you all!
Thunder, my cancer is consider rare which means it’s hard to find a MD who actually truly knows what to do.  They knew the basics but they do invest quality time like CE’s to get educated.  That’s why I fly to MD’s who know my illness however the one in my state is wanting me to do an injection of radiation with the isotope that should work on my tumors. However, I am not sure I want to do that right yet.  I have changed my shot medication and getting my first one this weekend.  My MD here doesn’t think it’s worth trying.  My specialist in Colorado says yes it is.  He thinks it’s an easy first step change so I’m going with that.

Savoir, Yes thoughts court days or lawyers I’m glad to have behind me for sure.  Glad they seem to be behind you as well or at least not as often.   
I have been for 5 years.  5 years really of no hope.  I still miss my best friend.  I believe I always well.  I wish I could close that door.  I wish I didn’t believe that somehow we will think back and remember how good it really was.  I wish I could look forward and believe it’s over and there is no way he will ever look back.  He really hasn’t given me one reason to think he will figure out his loss.  I just live day by day.  It’s not bad, it’s just lonely.  But I guess it will get better.  I know it has but I still go back there in my head.  I wish I could beat the thoughts.  Oct will be my 4th anniversary of the divorce.  Crazy

Me too Savoir,  Me too!  Hope you have a great weekend!
God is with her, she will not fall
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Online Milly

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #27 on: August 17, 2019, 12:32:07 PM »
UL, sorry to hear about your health. I hope this new shot does what it's supposed to do. Sorry you don't have your weekend job either, but I hope these weekends off will help your health. I'm always surprised how opportunities just seem to turn up. I hope this will happen for you, too.

I'm 5 years in, too, and feeling a bit like you. Life is boring. I miss my partner and companion. Things are much easier than when we were tormented by the regular lawyer's letters and court appearances. Now those things don't seem as stressful as they were in the moment. Glad they're mainly behind me, though.

Yes, getting used to the new normal with not much going on is not easy. I said on another thread, wouldn't it be fun to have an LBS commune where the ones alone could go live together. Independent - LBS living. Stupid dream of mine these days. Or maybe it could become a mini series like Desperate Housewives and we could make lots of money to fund it. Too much time alone, I think, I'm losing it.

Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #28 on: August 17, 2019, 05:45:48 PM »
Haha Milly Both those ideas could work. Although, I don’t think I want to be called desperate after all we have walked through.  Strong wives? Overcomers? I don’t know but...it would be fun to watch us all.  We probably all have the same personality. We all lead so that would get in the way.  LOL!  I can picture it now. 
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Online Milly

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #29 on: August 18, 2019, 01:35:53 PM »
UL, all leaders? Oh that would be a nightmare!! Hahaha! And no longer desperate, you are so right! It needs to be Strong Left Behind Wives! The new reality TV show! They won't know what's hit them!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline Stand Tall

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #30 on: August 18, 2019, 02:34:55 PM »
Hi UL,

  I do watch those desperate housewife show. I mean, what's more exciting then watching someone else's drama. 😜 This new show would only be good if they had hidden cameras in the mlcers house. The fly on the wall as they say.

  On one of the serious, I think the New York one, one of the wives was married to a man in a mlc's. They actually talked about it on the show. She divorced him years ago, well he is now trying to reconnect with her. She tells her friends there is no chance, but you can see it in her eyes that she wants him back. I also think that one of the wives on the orange county group who recently divorced was married to a mlcer. He has the signs. Young girl friend etc... it's fun watching this desperate housewife getting herself stronger and rebuilding her life with her daughters.

  Who knows, maybe these women are members here on HS.

-stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #31 on: August 18, 2019, 04:12:04 PM »
Stand Tall, I think I know who you are talking about in New York.  Did realized her husand was in MLC.  I don’t watch it regularly but it’s interesting.  I did see something where he is connecting again. 

Haha Wouldn’t it be interesting if they were getting their information here. LOL!
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Offline Nas

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #32 on: August 18, 2019, 05:22:49 PM »
I have recently gotten into the real housewives of New York and started binge watching while I was in chemo. Please please please tell me which one you think has the ex-husband who was in MLC. Now I will have to go back and rewatch LOL

Offline Stand Tall

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #33 on: August 18, 2019, 05:35:08 PM »
Nas,

  It's the little blonde that is always hyper. Her name is Ramona. Some of the gals talked about it during the show. They also asked her if she would ever get back together with him. She said she didn't think so, but that they would always be friends. It's just funny that he has started showing up to the functions that she attends. Not sure what season you are in, but this takes place in the last season.

Stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

Offline Nas

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #34 on: August 18, 2019, 05:38:17 PM »
What? Mario?
I will be watching this in a new light now.

Sorry for the hijack, LOL.

Offline Stand Tall

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #35 on: August 18, 2019, 05:54:01 PM »
Yup, its Mario.
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #36 on: August 18, 2019, 06:48:33 PM »
Yes, I knew it was Ramona and Mario!  I didn’t know however she thought it was a MLC.  Hijack away! LOL
God is with her, she will not fall
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Offline Stand Tall

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #37 on: August 18, 2019, 08:04:40 PM »
I was a little surprised when they talked about it on the show. I have also read that Emily's H from the orange county crew is going through a mlc's. There were some of the signs present on tonight's episode. He is starting to stay away from the house more and she looks concerned and frustrated. I hate that I know the feeling.

Stand
When the power of love overcomes the love of power there will be peace.

Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass its about learning to dance in the Rain

Be a pineapple; Stand tall. Wear a crown. Be sweet on the Inside.

Offline sachat3

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #38 on: October 06, 2019, 10:51:19 AM »
Sacha now desperately sets these shows to series link for whenever they come to the Uk ha!

How are things no UL?
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D5 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #39 on: October 09, 2019, 06:54:10 PM »
Ok, I have been busy!  I think I have made a big head change.  Out of nowhere I made a couple of pour paintings and my first three piece sold the moment I posted them on FB.  And off I went.  If you are FB you can find me on Painted Praize.  Yes with a Z.  I really seems to be my new purpose.  I am repurposing items as well and I feel like my life has been repurpose so...it’s a match. Lol

I did have one contact with the ex.  I wrote him and ask if it was possible for him to send me money for rent.  I was 300 short.  He wrote back and said

Hi XXXX
Which I thought was formal

I have still not gotten a job.  I have second interviews waiting to be scheduled for 4 possible jobs.  I am over my head myself.  Every credit card company has sued me and await the beginning of employment.  Which what I am looking for.  I am doing my utmost to get a job.  If I could help I would.  I will resume with some payment once I get a job.  Sorr wish I could be more helpful.

Anyone want to pick this apart?

Then I wrote back a couple of days later when my need was resolved.

I wrote - God worked it out

He actually wrote back and I found this interesting.

He wrote - Awesome, God always does.

That wasn’t a God always does for you and me and everyone.  That was my ex say...God always works things out for you.  I feel like his coming out of that blur, the fog and seeing how yes God was there when we needed him because I was praying, seeking and try to follow God’s leading.  Yes, there is no doubt that God always does.
God is with her, she will not fall
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Online Milly

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #40 on: October 10, 2019, 12:41:10 AM »
Hi UL, just catching up. I just joined your FB page. Your paintings are full of meaning and love. I hope you do really well selling them.

Your H, although not monster, sounds like he's still in victim mode. God (Mummy) only helps you, while he is jobless, moneyless, debtfull, and miseryfull. But hey, he would have helped if he coulda!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #41 on: October 10, 2019, 01:03:42 AM »
hi UL,

Picking apart H's reply? Easy....



Interesting how he assumes that the Credit Card is a source of free money... until it came time to pay the bills...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline CallingHeart

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #42 on: October 10, 2019, 07:55:23 AM »
Hi UL ~
I found and joined your FB group as well. 
I am so sooo soooooooo excited for you !!! Way to rock a repurposed life  8)

I would agree your H is playing the victim. He’s been in that mode for a very long time now. And there’s really no way to know if he’s being honest.  I think what bothers me most about his response is he’s acting like he can’t “help you out”, when in reality he isn’t paying alimony that he owes you.  He owes you the same way he owes his creditors, but his language reflects that you’re the one he can’t “help out”. I’m speculating that he may also hold on to the excuses, after he does get his job, that he has to pay off his own bills, credit cards, blah, blah, blah... not able to help UL out.

I don’t think you can count on him in the future, but you never know.

Meanwhile, you are rocking a repurposed life like no other I’ve seen and following God’s lead !!
Way to go... very inspiring!

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

It's no longer all about MLC!  
Pfffffffftttt !

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #43 on: October 10, 2019, 04:39:04 PM »
WOW! Thank you ladies for joining my page!!!! I am really excited about it and I love that I can repurpose things along side of my repurposing myself.  I am so glad that  have met you ladies here and I get to see a face to go along side all the messages.  Really, a month ago I didn't see me doing something like this it just happened.

Milly thank you so much for joining the page and being supportive of that for me.  I really do appreciate how you have been supportive here as well. 
My Midlife I believe will always be the victim.  I don't see him getting out of that mode.  He has however not been monstering for a few years now. I think he is stuck, stuck with this life he created, stuck with a sick younger woman, stuck that he couldn't figure out how to pay his bills, stuck with not having a solid full-time job, stuck in New Hampshire (sounds like a movie) and stuck in life in general.  I do not expect him to pay me.  However, there was a different tone in this email.  He didn't have to say him would after he gets a job.  He did almost rather it was for real or not seem to want to help if he could. LOL!  This is the first time he's actually said something like that.  But, I don't believe he will but that's not going to stop me from reminding him from time to time. But you almost have to laugh as you did Milly if he could help he would have. LOL!  He is so clueless that all of this and I mean all of this was from his decision and all that I'm going through is because of him. LOL! He really doesn't seem to understand that.

Major...yes I know.  He's in over his head but it's because of the decision he made and I believe he will always see himself as a victim.

Calling Heart
I am so glad you found my page!!!! Thank you for all your support and encouragement.  When my MLCer say "awesome, he also does" I took that a bit deeper.  I felt like that was directed to me not everyone as in Awesome UL, God always seems to pull through for you.  AND he does!  I am glad that my Mlcer still remembers that, sees it and acknowledge it.  To me that was a memory statement.  Because God always got US through so much over the years because I always turned to him.  My MLCer remembers that part about me.

Thank you all!  I am in such a good place right now.  It really took a long time to figure out me.  Praying for you all!

Edited to remove a real name - UM
« Last Edit: October 15, 2019, 02:52:38 AM by UrsaMajor »
God is with her, she will not fall
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Offline sachat3

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #44 on: October 15, 2019, 01:45:53 AM »
Just catching up.

I also joined your Facebook page.

Again I agree with everyone. He’s still in victim mode, but he’s the victim to circumstance he created.
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D5 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #45 on: October 15, 2019, 02:56:08 AM »
I also joined up on FB....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #46 on: October 17, 2019, 05:32:26 PM »
WOW, thank you all!  I will spend all my life figuring out who is who. LOLOL!  Thanks so much for joining.  I am in awe of how you all are just supposing my new direction.
God is with her, she will not fall
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