Author Topic: My Story Where Do we fit? All Things New!  (Read 1257 times)

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2501
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #20 on: July 28, 2019, 05:47:43 PM »
Just thought I would check in an journal a bit.  I don’t think I’m on the radar here anymore and I understand.  I have been on here now on and off for 5 years.  I can’t believe this has been going on this long.  First week of Aug it will be 6 months and no contact with my MLC’er.  I have pretty much left him behind. 

I have settled in with my new job.  Stressful but I like it. I am learning my weekday part time job and enjoying it.  I now have weekends off because I lost my weekend job.  Not sure how I will survive but I seem to be.

I am going to begin going to counseling.  My church is paying for it.  I mentioned I wanted to go back on and do ministry and they thought it would be good for me to go to counseling because telling my story is going to open up that whole can of worms I have tried to put behind me.  So, I said I would go.  It’s something I can’t afford so it’s an opportunity I should take.

My health isn’t doing so well.  I don’t feel bad but my number are out of whack so I am choosing to make some med changes to see if it help or I will need to do some radioactive stuff and I don’t want to do that yet.  I feel find and don’t want to mess with that no matter what the numbers say. 

In other news my life is so boring.  I hate just making through each day. There is nothing to look forward to.  I miss my old life and can’t seem to find anything in my new life to really enjoy.  So, I have settled into the fact that this is it.  It’s not the worst, not the best just boring. 
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page
Divorce/Separated - Joy In The Mourning!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1495649797410263/

Offline xyzcf

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 10258
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #21 on: July 28, 2019, 05:55:08 PM »
Quote
I miss my old life and can’t seem to find anything in my new life to really enjoy.  So, I have settled into the fact that this is it.  It’s not the worst, not the best just boring.

Many of us feel the same way. You'd think we'd be beyond all that and we do all find different things to do...but I would agree....I miss my old life very very much. I miss him very very much and accept that this is the way things are, grateful for the good that I have in my life.

I hope you get your meds straightened out. That on top of everything else is added stress.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2501
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #22 on: July 28, 2019, 06:17:52 PM »
Thank you XYZCF.  I guess how I feel is pretty normal if many others feel the same way.  Stress is what is making my tumors grow.  This last 5 years hasn’t been good for my health but it could have been worst. I’m still here and still kicking pretty well. LOL!

Hope all is well with you!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page
Divorce/Separated - Joy In The Mourning!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1495649797410263/

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 9189
  • Gender: Male
  • Live like they are never coming back
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #23 on: July 29, 2019, 05:05:51 AM »
Here is the kicker to this.  I spoke to him in February as I was trying to get a feel about money.  I said you know you should try and get a job with SSSSSS company. And BAM he got hired in May.  He is still taking my lead!  Can someone explain that? LOL! He still follows my lead.  He’s done this a few times while with other woman.  He has to still in some way respect my advice.  Or just can’t come up with anything himself.  Weird.

He has MLC Fog-Brain..... and couldn't find his way out of a paper bag with a map, compass, and a handheld GPS....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 21995
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #24 on: July 29, 2019, 05:37:37 AM »
Hi UL. nice to hear from you.   :)

I'm really sorry about the tumors, but yes stress can do a lot of damage to our health.  I'm happy to hear you can get some counseling and your church will pay for it.  God bless them.
Weren't there specialist out of state you wanted to see?  Did you ever get there?

I'm glad you are feeling ok.  Are you just on medication for them, or do they recommend any other kind of treatment?  (If you care to share)

UL it's funny, you'd think 5 years is such a long time and you should feel back to normal, but in the grand scheme of things it's really a pretty short time to get back to normal.   Our world gets knocked off kilter with this shock and things change overnight.  It takes a lot of time to get where we want to be.

6 months NC, bravo!  It will keep getting easier, UL. 

Hope you're enjoying your new place?

Big Hug   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Savoir Faire

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 5403
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #25 on: August 15, 2019, 04:36:50 AM »
Hi UL, it is good to hear from one of the longer timers, I've been here six years and it still feel as if I have some healing to do.  It's the gift that keeps on giving and I think the more ruthless the MLCer is, the longer it takes.  The constant lawyers letters and court appearances kept me engaged for a lot longer than I wanted and now that all the legals are sorted, I finally feel I can do things for me and not have to worry about xH ruining the flow of my life.

I hope your health improves, maybe now you don't have your H constantly at you, things will get better.

My life is sort of boring too. It was boring when I was with xH and I loved it, routine of taking the kids to school, going  to work etc., just what I loved.  Mu life is now limbo and I wish for boring, it was the best!

The difference is life is either boring and a little sad or boring and content and I wish for the contentment again which xH took away from me.

"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2501
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #26 on: August 16, 2019, 06:47:11 PM »
Thanks for still reading you all!
Thunder, my cancer is consider rare which means it’s hard to find a MD who actually truly knows what to do.  They knew the basics but they do invest quality time like CE’s to get educated.  That’s why I fly to MD’s who know my illness however the one in my state is wanting me to do an injection of radiation with the isotope that should work on my tumors. However, I am not sure I want to do that right yet.  I have changed my shot medication and getting my first one this weekend.  My MD here doesn’t think it’s worth trying.  My specialist in Colorado says yes it is.  He thinks it’s an easy first step change so I’m going with that.

Savoir, Yes thoughts court days or lawyers I’m glad to have behind me for sure.  Glad they seem to be behind you as well or at least not as often.   
I have been for 5 years.  5 years really of no hope.  I still miss my best friend.  I believe I always well.  I wish I could close that door.  I wish I didn’t believe that somehow we will think back and remember how good it really was.  I wish I could look forward and believe it’s over and there is no way he will ever look back.  He really hasn’t given me one reason to think he will figure out his loss.  I just live day by day.  It’s not bad, it’s just lonely.  But I guess it will get better.  I know it has but I still go back there in my head.  I wish I could beat the thoughts.  Oct will be my 4th anniversary of the divorce.  Crazy

Me too Savoir,  Me too!  Hope you have a great weekend!
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page
Divorce/Separated - Joy In The Mourning!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1495649797410263/

Offline Milly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2702
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #27 on: August 17, 2019, 12:32:07 PM »
UL, sorry to hear about your health. I hope this new shot does what it's supposed to do. Sorry you don't have your weekend job either, but I hope these weekends off will help your health. I'm always surprised how opportunities just seem to turn up. I hope this will happen for you, too.

I'm 5 years in, too, and feeling a bit like you. Life is boring. I miss my partner and companion. Things are much easier than when we were tormented by the regular lawyer's letters and court appearances. Now those things don't seem as stressful as they were in the moment. Glad they're mainly behind me, though.

Yes, getting used to the new normal with not much going on is not easy. I said on another thread, wouldn't it be fun to have an LBS commune where the ones alone could go live together. Independent - LBS living. Stupid dream of mine these days. Or maybe it could become a mini series like Desperate Housewives and we could make lots of money to fund it. Too much time alone, I think, I'm losing it.

Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2501
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #28 on: August 17, 2019, 05:45:48 PM »
Haha Milly Both those ideas could work. Although, I don’t think I want to be called desperate after all we have walked through.  Strong wives? Overcomers? I don’t know but...it would be fun to watch us all.  We probably all have the same personality. We all lead so that would get in the way.  LOL!  I can picture it now. 
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page
Divorce/Separated - Joy In The Mourning!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1495649797410263/

Offline Milly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2702
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #29 on: August 18, 2019, 01:35:53 PM »
UL, all leaders? Oh that would be a nightmare!! Hahaha! And no longer desperate, you are so right! It needs to be Strong Left Behind Wives! The new reality TV show! They won't know what's hit them!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.