Author Topic: My Story Where Do we fit? All Things New!  (Read 1523 times)

Offline Milly

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2992
  • Gender: Female
My Story Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #40 on: October 10, 2019, 12:41:10 AM »
Hi UL, just catching up. I just joined your FB page. Your paintings are full of meaning and love. I hope you do really well selling them.

Your H, although not monster, sounds like he's still in victim mode. God (Mummy) only helps you, while he is jobless, moneyless, debtfull, and miseryfull. But hey, he would have helped if he coulda!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 9615
  • Gender: Male
  • Live like they are never coming back
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #41 on: October 10, 2019, 01:03:42 AM »
hi UL,

Picking apart H's reply? Easy....



Interesting how he assumes that the Credit Card is a source of free money... until it came time to pay the bills...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline CallingHeart

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 744
  • Gender: Female
  • Vanisher
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #42 on: October 10, 2019, 07:55:23 AM »
Hi UL ~
I found and joined your FB group as well. 
I am so sooo soooooooo excited for you !!! Way to rock a repurposed life  8)

I would agree your H is playing the victim. He’s been in that mode for a very long time now. And there’s really no way to know if he’s being honest.  I think what bothers me most about his response is he’s acting like he can’t “help you out”, when in reality he isn’t paying alimony that he owes you.  He owes you the same way he owes his creditors, but his language reflects that you’re the one he can’t “help out”. I’m speculating that he may also hold on to the excuses, after he does get his job, that he has to pay off his own bills, credit cards, blah, blah, blah... not able to help UL out.

I don’t think you can count on him in the future, but you never know.

Meanwhile, you are rocking a repurposed life like no other I’ve seen and following God’s lead !!
Way to go... very inspiring!

Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.

It's no longer all about MLC!  
Pfffffffftttt !

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2505
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #43 on: October 10, 2019, 04:39:04 PM »
WOW! Thank you ladies for joining my page!!!! I am really excited about it and I love that I can repurpose things along side of my repurposing myself.  I am so glad that  have met you ladies here and I get to see a face to go along side all the messages.  Really, a month ago I didn't see me doing something like this it just happened.

Milly thank you so much for joining the page and being supportive of that for me.  I really do appreciate how you have been supportive here as well. 
My Midlife I believe will always be the victim.  I don't see him getting out of that mode.  He has however not been monstering for a few years now. I think he is stuck, stuck with this life he created, stuck with a sick younger woman, stuck that he couldn't figure out how to pay his bills, stuck with not having a solid full-time job, stuck in New Hampshire (sounds like a movie) and stuck in life in general.  I do not expect him to pay me.  However, there was a different tone in this email.  He didn't have to say him would after he gets a job.  He did almost rather it was for real or not seem to want to help if he could. LOL!  This is the first time he's actually said something like that.  But, I don't believe he will but that's not going to stop me from reminding him from time to time. But you almost have to laugh as you did Milly if he could help he would have. LOL!  He is so clueless that all of this and I mean all of this was from his decision and all that I'm going through is because of him. LOL! He really doesn't seem to understand that.

Major...yes I know.  He's in over his head but it's because of the decision he made and I believe he will always see himself as a victim.

Calling Heart
I am so glad you found my page!!!! Thank you for all your support and encouragement.  When my MLCer say "awesome, he also does" I took that a bit deeper.  I felt like that was directed to me not everyone as in Awesome UL, God always seems to pull through for you.  AND he does!  I am glad that my Mlcer still remembers that, sees it and acknowledge it.  To me that was a memory statement.  Because God always got US through so much over the years because I always turned to him.  My MLCer remembers that part about me.

Thank you all!  I am in such a good place right now.  It really took a long time to figure out me.  Praying for you all!

Edited to remove a real name - UM
« Last Edit: October 15, 2019, 02:52:38 AM by UrsaMajor »
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page
Divorce/Separated - Joy In The Mourning!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1495649797410263/.   https://www.facebook.com/groups/paintedpraize

Offline sachat3

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 1138
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #44 on: October 15, 2019, 01:45:53 AM »
Just catching up.

I also joined your Facebook page.

Again I agree with everyone. He’s still in victim mode, but he’s the victim to circumstance he created.
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D5 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Offline UrsaMajor

  • Moderator
  • Hero Member
  • *
  • Posts: 9615
  • Gender: Male
  • Live like they are never coming back
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #45 on: October 15, 2019, 02:56:08 AM »
I also joined up on FB....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2505
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #46 on: October 17, 2019, 05:32:26 PM »
WOW, thank you all!  I will spend all my life figuring out who is who. LOLOL!  Thanks so much for joining.  I am in awe of how you all are just supposing my new direction.
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page
Divorce/Separated - Joy In The Mourning!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1495649797410263/.   https://www.facebook.com/groups/paintedpraize

Offline UnconditionalLoveTopic starterTopic starter

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 2505
  • Gender: Female
Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
« Reply #47 on: December 21, 2019, 02:00:43 PM »
Merry Christmas everyone!
 I know most of the people that follow this thread isn’t either here anymore or just got bored with it. LOL!  I’m bored with it myself but it’s still a journal even if it’s only when I do get here. Not much is happening on the MLCer side but there is a couple of things.  I will write about me first. LOL!  Imagine that!

As some of you know and who have joined my FB business page I started a small painting business out of know where.  That’s going well and people seem to be supporting it.  Now, that I have most of the needed supplies bought maybe I’ll make a little more money from it and give a little more money to my fund to help women over 50 who have been abandoned.  I really enjoy doing this and it keeps me busy and my mind from wondering. I’m still struggling financially but always get everything paid just in time.  I hate living that way.  It stinks. I can’t remember if I wrote that in October I was $300 short on my rent and emailed you know who only to be told he would help if he could but couldn’t.  The money came in through some friends so it was covered.  I sent ex and email back saying God stepped in, it’s covered.  He wrote back Awesome, he always does.  I didn’t take that as he always does for everyone.  I told that as ex saying he also does for you.  Because Yeah, God always does for me. LOL!

Anyhow,  this week has been awful.  To start out.  Both of my 2 best friends up north are in the middle of a very tragic accident that took the life of one of the couples daughter in law who I knew very well.  She was working with my other best friends and was running a power washer in a new home build cleaning in the garage and was over taken by fumes and died.  My one friend, my ex’s best friend found her and that will be forever in his head.  She was also working for him and I don’t know that he will every move past filling like it was his fault. The other family are just so beside themselves and I can’t be there for anyone.  I hate that! She was young with 2 kids and a husband.

So, Monday I was crying.  Both men the one who found her and the one that is her father in law is my ex’s best friends as well.  I called my ex crying and left a message on his phone.  Weird it wasn’t all filled up. I said,  There has been an accident and xxxx was killed working for friend and explained what happened.  I said, if there is any good in you left now if the time for you to be there for these friends.  At one time they met something to you and they both need you know. Bye. About 10 minutes later he messaged me and said - Thank you for letting me know.  I don’t know if he called by I’m guessing he probably texted both of them.

Two nights ago my ex’s cousin who lives in other country looked my up again on FB.  Seems he also keeps me updated at Christmas to let me know if ex is going home for the holiday’s.  He has everything year since the divorce.  Well, this year he’s going but SHE is not going with him.  I don’t know what that means.  Who spends the holidays without their loved one?  We never did that.  Funny how he has money to buy these airline tickets for $900 but can’t help me out.  Maybe he just didn’t have enough money to buy 2 tickets but it’s still weird. Why does he keep going home every Christmas?  I’m almost sure that’s where his MLC issues stem from.  I know he’s dad isn’t doing well but if you can come up with 1 ticket you would think she could or he could get that second ticket bought.  Leaving her behind seems strange.  But, maybe she’s not doing well with her Lupus.  Maybe it doesn’t mean another at all. 

Seems every Christina’s for me is the same.  I keep thinking maybe this is the year he will maybe send something to apologize for all the stuff he left me with holding the bag.  He had a chance to help me but he is still saying he doesn’t have a job.  He has some money coming in or I’m almost sure he would be living in the same house as her.  He still has his business and there isn’t much money coming in from that but there is some.  He did work 1 day a week for a person but my brother found out he wasn’t there anymore.  My guess he quit.

I still have my full time job and I’m doing my art.  I will be working about 12 hours for a lady making calls after the holiday.  So, hopefully I will be ok financially.   Hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas.  Now, I’m off to make some cookies.
God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page
Divorce/Separated - Joy In The Mourning!
https://www.facebook.com/groups/1495649797410263/.   https://www.facebook.com/groups/paintedpraize

 

SMF spam blocked by CleanTalk
Legal Disclaimer

The information contained within The Hero's Spouse website family (www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com, http://theherosspouse.com and associated subdomains), (collectively 'website') is provided as general information and is not intended to be a substitute for professional legal, medical or mental health advice or treatment for specific medical conditions. The Hero's Spouse cannot be held responsible for the use of the information provided. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a trained medical or mental health professional before making any decision regarding treatment of yourself or others. The Hero's Spouse recommends that you consult a legal professional for specific legal advice.

Any information, stories, examples, articles, or testimonials on this website do not constitute a guarantee, or prediction regarding the outcome of an individual situation. Reading and/or posting at this website does not constitute a professional relationship between you and the website author, volunteer moderators or mentors or other community members. The moderators and mentors are peer-volunteers, and not functioning in a professional capacity and are therefore offering support and advice based solely upon their own experience and not upon legal, medical, or mental health training.