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Author Topic: My Story Where Do we fit? All Things New!

U
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My Story Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#50: January 26, 2020, 05:49:41 AM
Aw, thank you Stand Tall!  I’m learning and growing and every changing with the art.  I love it and love my purpose for it and God has a plan for it.  Thank you so much!  Glad you are on my page. 

I don’t know if I am or not.  I have been in prayer the whole time for him.  I was freaked out about that information he shared but I’m kind of over that now.  All of this journey is in God’s hands.  It’s been 6 years.  I’m not who I use to be and neither is he.  He has the ex girlfriend written all over him.  He became her.  He is nowhere near through with his journey and is still healing.  He did admit he has been depressed.  So,  we’ll see where he goes from there. For me...I now will remain quiet unless spoken too.  LOL!
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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#51: January 26, 2020, 01:24:50 PM
Hi UL, I'm so pleased you came on to update us all about the latest from your H. This is quite a change for him. Do tell us, whether you are standing or not. We are always fascinated to hear about the MLCer's journey. We are on the same time line so I can just imagine how surprised you must have been to hear this latest news from your H. Once we get to almost 6 years in, we kind of resign ourselves to the fact that our MLCer is gone, chosen his new life, his OW. So when there are changes of this kind, it really comes as a surprise.

I love your jewelry as you know. I just bought a very pretty piece. Can't wait to wear it.xxx
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#52: January 26, 2020, 02:29:33 PM
Thanks so much Milly!  I hope the necklace gets to you.  First international sell!  Thanks for being supportive.  Big chance for me as a couple of you might know if I started a little business in Sept and yesterday signed a lease agreement in a  artsy retail store to sell my art.  The lady was so kind to not only keep the month fee down for me but is allowing me to use her shelving and stuff to make my little booth area pretty.  I go in next Saturday to set it up.  I can't see how excited I am.  My FB page keeps me busy as I get a lot of my sell from my FB page.  I post they buy. LOL!  I know this is God's way of answering some prayer I needed to hear.

But with every good moment something will come along to throw everything in the water for a moment.  Here is how I found out what I know.

I found that MLCer go a 4th degree blackbelt which means he had to go to California to do that and there is a lot of expense to that plus I know he went to home country for Christmas.  I sent him a text on Friday that said

ME -How is it you say you have 4 heart conditions but got your 4th degree blackbelt?  I THINK you are lying about your finances.  Court is going to cost you.  You are not compliant on anything and you will have to pay my court fees.

HIM - What are you talking about?  I am working on pure commission trying to build from scratch.  I made $4000 in 3 months. No XXXX business ( His business that I ran)  Sorry not lying just plain broke.  I have all kind of lawsuits from credit cards.  IRS about to garnish the few $1 I make.

Me - Are you selling?  I really meant to write selling cars

Him - Maybe I should try selling. It wouldn't hurt so much

Me - I get you are having issues.  But you chose this life and you signed an agreement that I haven't held you to.  I'm just trying tomato my rent.  You have to pay something  Are you working with XXX clinic?

HIM - no I worked one day a week for them in other state name for 5 months.

Me - Yes, I knew that.


OK so this is where I started thinking -  no one writes (for them in other state name) unless you are not in other state name anymore.

Him - I can't even afford rent.  I am living in a basement room the clinic owns

Me - WHAT?

Me- Hey

Me Can I ask a couple of questions?

NOTHING FORM HIM

ME - Are you not in other state name?

Him- nope

After that I lost him.  I did type some other questions

wow where are you now if you don't mind me asking?

how long have you not been in Other state name.  Are you somewhere warm LOL?

Are you in another state name?

Looking you're not going to be able to hid where you are LOL

I am 100% sure that you have been depressed also Praying for you.

So,  I didn't think he would probably answer me. I called a couple of friends and said  I have a bad feeling. I think he's in my state again.  They said no he wouldn't do that.  I said yes he would.  It's a state he as a license in. 

Crickets

Then Saturday at 6:12 for no reason I get this text

HIM - Sorry phone died.  Thanks for praying  East state ( my side on the east side)  Yes I was depressed

I have to be honest I freaked out!  It was kind of nice not having to think about running into him.  My state is big but still.  He brought me down here and then left me here and now he's back.

I wrote back - um, I don't even know what to say.  Other than I had a feeling.  I hate my premonitions.  Are you still depressed? 

And no response.

So that is how I found out what I know.

But today I got to thinking.  I don't know what the boards do if you need a new licenses in a state you haven't worked in.  Do they do credit check? Background check? ect?  If so they probably didn't want to have them do that.  Although he really hasn't been on top of stuff like that.  I don't know if he would think of it.  My guess is he has been down here for a little of 3 months.  I think he clear wanted me to know he was down here but waited to respond.  He answered those questions when I asked him.

He is not trying to seek me out.  I don't think he's here because I am. At least I don't think he is.  I don't know why he is here so it's hard to gauge what to do.  I did get some advice from Milly that I am following.

I am not going to talk money because he's not going to send any and I am going to be supportive if he messages me but I don't look for him to do that.  I will not be messaging him from now on.

I am assuming him and OW are not together and he's living in the room or whatever by himself.  Good time for him to think.  I didn't ask him any questions about that but I think by his answers he is kind of letting me know that is the case.  I don't know if he got kicked out or he used the job to leave her.  If he left her it won't hurt as much.  I was kind of hoping she would let him go rather than him letting her go.  But he was in a depression and probably still is.  He is making progress.  Now he just needs to get his life together and he's at a place where that can now happen.

So, there you have it.  I don't know what to think of any of this.  It caught me off guard.  It's so weird to find out over night that a person is back in a state where they don't really have any connections but came back here anyhow.  GOOD new for me is...he's back in the state the divorce was filed. Now I could take him to court and it would be in the same state where the ruling was.  I was told that he wouldn't have to come back down to go to court that it could be in the state he was at.  My fear of that was nothing would have stood ground because it was a more liberal state.  Now I don't have to worry about that.  Why he would come back to this state is kind of mind boggling for me. LOL


Thanks!  After 6 years there could be movement!  You tell me! :)
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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#53: January 26, 2020, 02:57:27 PM
  Well, he made contact. Touch and go? Maybe. Guess time will tell were it goes from here. Put it in the back of your mind and think about it if he contacts again.

Stand Tall
 
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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#54: February 08, 2020, 03:46:06 PM
Stand Tall, no he didn’t make contact I did by contacting him about money.  He did tell me things but I don’t think that’s a touch and go.

I found out where he is located.  It took awhile but I was able to track it do.  When he said East of the state I didn’t believe him.  I was guessing east of the BIG city near me and that’s where he is.  He’s about an hour and a half other side of big city.  Crazy that he’s here but there are several reason why he would be. One being to get a license right now for him would take a background check and he’s probably trying to avoid that also he probably doesn’t have the money to get another license in another state.   

I want to post this just to add to the journey.
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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#55: February 16, 2020, 05:03:56 PM
UL.

Is this the thread you are looking for?
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#56: February 16, 2020, 05:54:33 PM
Hi Thunder,
This is my thread.  It’s been kind of dead.  Did you read my question is this what you are posting about?  I was looking for threads or resources that talk about After the Affair.  MY ex moved back to where I am.  I’m assuming the affair is over and I’m like now what?  I wanted to read up about what goes on in their mind after they affair has ended . I’m assuming I stay low and no contact but was just wanting some advice. 
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God is with her, she will not fall
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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#57: February 17, 2020, 02:15:59 AM
Hi UL

There really isn't any good articles about what happens after the alienator is gone, that I could find, but I think you need to remember ow was just a symptom of his crisis, not the cause.  She could be gone, yet still in his crisis, because it was never about her.

Also when they do eventually leave the ow, sometimes they go into a withdrawal depression for some time.  They have to work themselves through it.

I guess I would just leave him be and let him sort his head out.
We never know how things will end up after the alienator is gone.  Sometimes they work themselves back to the LBS, sometimes they find another alienator or they just decide they don't want to come back.  It depends on if their crisis is over or not and if they've done the inner work they need to do.

You just keep concentrating on your life moving forward, UL.  Try to keep expectations low.  You know the drill.   ::)

Hugs
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#58: February 17, 2020, 09:56:20 AM
Hi Thunder,
Thanks, I am leaving him be.  I'm preety sure he is here because he already had a licence here.  Not because I'm here. No is the prefect time to let him bake.  I know the affair was just part of and the cause.  I just thought there would be more info on it but really there is probably not much to say about it other than him working through it or not.  Me,  I am movng forward for sure. 
Thanks a bunch!
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God is with her, she will not fall
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Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#59: July 03, 2020, 01:18:10 PM
Hi everyone,
I have been quiet, busy and although feel healthy scan’s say not to much.  Also my blood levels should be around 59 and they triple every time I get bloodwork done.  I am now up to 4400 which is out of control.  So, it looks like I will need a treatment like radiation injected in me over months starting here soon.  Not looking forward to that.

Anyhow, I have a questions and I know I am not to read to much into things but...husband is now in the state he left me in.  I have contacted him ever so often and then I don’t contact him.  He seems to be in stage 4 roasting.  Where he moved he doesn’t know many people,  and doesn’t have a TV so at night he’s pretty much alone and alone is probably a good thing right now for him.  Every so often I have texted him things like
Hey remember when we took that cruise with x and z and that island we went to.  That was the best time.
He will text back.  Yes, I do remember, they don’t stop there anymore but it was a cool trip though.

A couple of nights ago a Facebook memory came up.  I dread those when they are about MlCer.  But for some reason I cut and pasted it and sent it to him
I said oh FB is really driving me crazy with these past memories.  Then sent the pic of the post.
The FB post just said
I’m sitting at the airport with my hubby and just wanted to say I love him so much.  We are so good together.  I know that I don’t say that as much as I should.

He texted back
Sorry

I don’t know where that went in his head but I didn’t expect him to texted back sorry.  I did not text him back just left it alone.  I will not text him now for a really long time.

Any comments?

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God is with her, she will not fall
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