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Author Topic: My Story Where Do we fit? All Things New!

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My Story Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#60: July 04, 2020, 02:49:47 AM
Hi UL, sorry your health is not great. Hope the treatments don't pull you down too much. Sending you strength and determination to get through them as easily as possible.

Regarding your H answering sorry to your FB memory, it's hard to say what was going through his head. It could be he is saying sorry for not having said he loved you often enough. It could be he's projecting and it's the sorry you should be saying. I would leave him be. It's interesting he's back in your state, broke, living in a very spartan manner. I would give him space to really see where he's at. You've shown him that you are kind and loving, he knows that. Let him figure out his miserable life. Let him reach out to you first. That would be my advice.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#61: July 04, 2020, 07:04:11 AM
Thanks Milly for responding!  I really appreciate it. Yeah, I know about his head spave.  Who knows.  Lol.  I teally didn't expect him to respond back.  There was no question for him to do so. I was surprised by the sorry from him as that just isn't a word he uses. lol.  He is in stage 4  as I can tell.  He followed the steps in order and is following the 7 year time line.  But...now going through the hardest part because pride and stubbornness is his weakest area and to finish he will have to let go of those.
Yes,  I have left him with good memories.  Now it's time for me to no contact.  He hasn't at any time reached out to me.  I wanted to leave everything on good remembrances.  I can now let go.   Hope all is well with you!!!
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God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
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Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#62: July 09, 2020, 01:45:30 AM
Sorry to hear about your health.

It’s so strange that they can say sorry but not elaborate on what they are sorry for? 🤷🏽‍♀️
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

U
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Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#63: July 10, 2020, 11:34:18 PM
Sachat, lol yes. He's probably thinking it covers everything he's ever done
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God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/groups/paintedpraize

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Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#64: September 08, 2020, 11:52:04 PM
Just catching up with your thread UL!

Interesting he has actually replied to you!  I have been here for seven - yes 7!!!!!! years and still don't get even a smidgen of a reply from xH.

I am over worrying about what he's doing now, he deserves the horrible life he's built and to be honest, I am too 'evolved' to be bothered.
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"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

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Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#65: September 18, 2020, 04:54:04 PM
7 years Savoir Faire WOW sorry that he doesn’t reply! 
OK, I have a new update. I am 2 years out from my bankruptcy and I have been pre approved to look for a place.  I can’t believe I am now at that place I thought would never happen.  I am so excited to see my life coming together.
I am taking the money out of the IRA I have from ex.  I am also paying off the taxes that ex owes because I do not want to be glued to him any long.  I have already taken the money and can’t wait to pay off the taxes.

So here’s the new stuff
I can’t ex today. He had to call me back.  He’s definately at a different place.  I called to let him know I was paying off the 2014 taxes.
He was quiet.
I said this is the last straw that has been over me and I need this off my plate.  Also, I need you to start paying me something.  I don’t want to go to court, I don’t want to humiliate you at work with papers and I don’t want  to have you put in jail for all the  things you have not done.  I want us to work this out .  And you will not believe what he said first time he has said anything like this
Yeah, I am at a place I can now send you money. It’s been hard to grow a business and then Covid came but I can said money.  I said can you also pay me back the taxes money too?  he said he could over time.  Asked me the amount.  He asked if I have a paypal.  I said yes, paypal, Venmo, cash app and Zelle. He said lol I can only work paypal.   

I told him I had radiation treatment  this week and he asked me a little about that.  When we got off the phone he said. Sorry about all the stuff you had to go through.
I starting crying and tried to no let him know but couldn’t get the word bye out. 

He’s using sentences now in his sorry.  He really doesn’t know what he put me through.  Sorry right now isn’t the kind of sorry I need but he’s getting closer and closer to understanding. 

He has never said that he would help.  It’s always I don’t have the money this conversation was different.  He is understanding he has a responsibility.  I don’t think they were just word.  Time will tell. He said he gets paid once a month so I’ll know when the money will actually come in. LOL!  I gave him before Christmas.

I think he’s waking up.
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God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/groups/paintedpraize

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#66: September 18, 2020, 06:42:43 PM
UL I'm so glad to hear he is finally going to start paying you.
Just keep those expectations LOW though until you see some action on his part.

I hope your radiation treatments do the trick.  Please let us know!
You have been through so much my friend.  I pray you get a good outcome from this.

{{Big Hug}}
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#67: September 18, 2020, 06:59:26 PM
Thanks Thunder,
Yeah expectations are low.  I think I was just more intrigued by the change of answers.  We’ll see what comes of any of this but for awhile he has been straight forward with me.
I do have a theory and it’s just that.  I think the money has been a block for him.  Like a burden.  So how he needed to get this off his plate to more forward.  I don’t think he can mend anything till he got that off his plate.  Again, just a theory.
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God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/groups/paintedpraize

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Re: Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#68: September 19, 2020, 01:49:36 AM
Hi UL, as Thunder said, hoping the radiation does its job through and through.

Regarding your H, yes, there is a change. Sounds like he is making progress through his crisis and is starting to think about what he did to you. He's aware of it, maybe always was, but now he can admit it. I agree with you that money is a big part of the crisis for many MLCers. It is for mine. I don't think my H can make progress in his crisis until he starts to sort out his finances and bcomes financially responsible. I feel it's part of growing up. I'm pleased for you that he wants to pay you something, I hope he comes through with it. It sure helps us to have some money. x
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

U
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Where Do we fit? All Things New!
#69: September 19, 2020, 07:29:42 AM
Thanks Milly, 
I hope he comes through as well.  It would make a world of difference.  Whatever he comes up with will be a help.  He probably wouldn’t have done it on his own but he was fast and ready to talk about it when it was brought up.  I was shocked.  I should him I have a must amount of trust in him.  I didn’t give him an amount just told him I need something.  So we will see what he comes up with.  I didn’t get a “I’m sorry for what I put you through”. Like but I did get a sentence “Sorry for everything you have had to go through”. So, I don’t know if he’s claim any responsibility yet but it’s been than a text in a conversation that just says sorry.  So I know he’s moving forward.  Maybe he’s learn the words I’m I’ve here soon. LOL.  Anyhow, this is really kind of unique so we’ll see if he come through.  Most guys do just start sending over money after 5 years when asked.  But, I have always stuck by most of what he did was out of lack of knowledge.  He doesn’t know how to do the money side of anything.  That was all me in our marriage.  When he didn’t have money he just shut down.  He couldn’t look at anything and figure out his next step.  Doesn’t make it right what he did but he wasn’t a get even, get her back kind of guy. But...the money isn’t going to wipe out what he did.  Nope, it will just make my life a bit smoother.  Here’s to hoping!
Thanks again everyone!
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God is with her, she will not fall
Psalms 46:5
Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/groups/paintedpraize

 

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