Author Topic: My Story Bits and Pieces  (Read 2780 times)

Offline AnonTopic starter

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My Story Re: Bits and Pieces
« Reply #20 on: April 24, 2019, 11:49:38 AM »
Thanks for the comments!  There is no better place to share a win like this except here.  ;D   Morte - love the gif.   I want to know how to do that!  Ursa - where are u?  You are about to be outdone here,  :P

Thunder - I can't help smirking either.  It's so smirk worthy isn't it?

Whyus - your comments make me laugh - about the gymnerd etc.   haha.   I've envied your recovery from the MLC madness but I feel I might be catching up a bit to where you are.   Or maybe I'm there, idk.   Life just feels pretty good right now. 

Ripped -
At the same time its quite hurtful to think he would bring OW into your home, I suppose he feels "entitled "  I'm lost for words. 
Last year it was pretty devastating when he tried it but this year I truly just shook my head and laughed at his nerve.   It doesn't hurt.  It just reinforces my stand,, to NOT stand.   I won't waste any emotion on this man - someone who has such little respect for my privacy.  Just confirms to me he is no where near worthy to be my friend, never mind a life partner. 

KIT - I'm with you!  So excited about the upcoming cult gathering!!  Have the t-shirts been ordered yet?
This latest discovery of my MLCer's deception has drawn my attention back to another recent win for me where he loses out huge and I do mean HUGE.   Less than 2 months after BD, the ow was pressuring my h to get the house up for sale to get me out and get his hands on his share of the equity.  He put her off by saying he wouldn't do it until I was a bit stronger and better at handling my unwanted new life.   It's almost 2 years later and ow is still pressuring h about why he hasn't sold the house yet.  I don't know what he's telling her these days about why it's still not sold but it's causing big problems for them.  She doesn't understand why and his excuses seem flimsy to her 2 years later.   

I know the reason he isn't selling the house but there is no way he could tell her the honest truth.   He's likely told her in the beginning he has equal share of the equity and that he would get a significant amount when it sells.   Amazingly enough,,, he forgot the terms of our prenup, until I reminded him several months later when he first talked to me about selling the house.   I won't go into detail but this is how it would have gone in the beginning if we sold both homes - he would get about 90k.   I would get the rest.   Hardly something he could tell ow about especially since she expects he will get half.  I would have bought him out if I could but it was pretty impossible for me to come up with 90k so if he wanted to sell then I would not stop the sale.   

Fast forward to today... almost 2 years later...and my, how things have changed.   The market has fallen here quite a bit since BD.   Hardly the time to sell anything when it's dropped this low.   It will recover but it will take time and patience for the turn around.   H was holding out for better news but then in late January decided he needed to move on selling the house.  Probably to pacify ow.   So I said, ok,,, whenever you are ready to meet with a realtor, let me know and we will get it on the market.   We meet with 2 realtors who confirm the bad news about the market.   Then he stalls, and stalls...doing nothing.   Eventually I realize that the drop in value means I now only need $65k to buy him out which I CAN manage.  If he finally gives in (again) to the ow pressure and wants to sell, then I simply offer to buy him out and I will own both homes with a cash flow from the rentals of $700/mo, after all the monthly expenses are paid.   It's no longer in my best interest to sell and since I hold ALL the cards,,, the houses will not be sold.  He has no say anymore.   

He recently told me he had been out looking at new condos but then with frustration said it won't happen because he had no money for the down payment.   I reminded him I could buy him out and he would have his down payment to which he replied - I don't want to be bought out!  I haven't waited this long to take a buy out now!  This is good news to me too,, because as long as he is a joint owner, he pays me $650/mo.  I don't know how long he can handle that payment but I doubt he can last as long as it will take for the market turnaround.   So a couple of years or so go by, I get his monthly payments, but he would still only be entitled to a $65k buyout unless the market improves.   

I can't see any way he could ever tell the truth about this to the ow.   The same ow that wanted me out of the house less than 2 months after BD so he could be free of me.  He's backed so tight into a corner it's hilarious.   If he wants to sell, I won't go along with it but instead will offer him the buyout.  His only choice is to stay invested in the homes or walk away with $65k - barely enough for a new car and a vacation with ow then it's all gone.    No other option is available to him.   Anyone play chess?  Well this is checkmate.  :D

Feels like I got them both with a dart right between the eyes.  ;D    Love that karma bus now that it's finally arrived.   8)

« Last Edit: April 24, 2019, 11:51:15 AM by Anon »

Offline sachat3

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Re: Bits and Pieces
« Reply #21 on: April 24, 2019, 02:02:28 PM »
Maybe I’m just really petty and immature. Ahhh heck there’s no maybe about it. I am. But I always laugh at things like this. I mean it’s amazing that it works so well in your favour but also it’s such a big haha hehe in their face. I would so love to be a fly on the wall when they have these chats  and even more so when he explains the buy out.
Me - 27
H - 34
3 children together D2 D5 D7
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online KeepItTogether

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Re: Bits and Pieces
« Reply #22 on: April 25, 2019, 11:25:13 AM »
Can I just say that I am grinning ear to ear with that post??? Does that make me petty. Eh, oh well. Nicely played Anon. <Slow dramatic clap>
Me 47
H 46
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Online Milly

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Re: Bits and Pieces
« Reply #23 on: April 26, 2019, 12:46:27 AM »
I'm petty, too! Love that you outwitted your H on the housesitting scam and love, love your house ownership situation!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Me, I would have liked to have let H know that you know that he would bring OW to the house.

I'm going to bring a batch of cult wine for our Tuscany gathering!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Bits and Pieces
« Reply #24 on: April 26, 2019, 06:05:51 AM »
Quote from: Anon
Thanks for the comments!  There is no better place to share a win like this except here.  ;D   Morte - love the gif.   I want to know how to do that!  Ursa - where are u?  You are about to be outdone here,  :P

Watch and learn, worthy Padawan.....

Oh my......

What can I say except for

We all bow in awe:


As far as your Mid-Lifer goes.....
« Last Edit: April 26, 2019, 06:07:14 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Offline Schratz66

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Re: Bits and Pieces
« Reply #25 on: April 26, 2019, 07:32:20 AM »
This was such a joy to read Anon - I, too, am grinning from ear to ear.
Well played - well played.

Me 52
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: Bits and Pieces
« Reply #26 on: April 26, 2019, 08:50:38 AM »
I'm going to bring a batch of cult wine for our Tuscany gathering!

You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline AnonTopic starter

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Re: Bits and Pieces
« Reply #27 on: April 26, 2019, 03:12:43 PM »
UM, I take it back.  You are not undone.   Those gifts were some of your best 🤣.  Morte - you tie!  We need a tie breaker now.    Thanks for the laughs you guys. 

Milly - cult wine - how perfect! 

I have had a great few days grinning from ear to ear about my latest revelation of my financial situation and revelling in the petty ‘gotcha’ mentality.  I also grin from ear to ear because I had no idea 2 years ago that it would play out like this.   I was terrified for many reasons at BD, including financially.  I didn’t believe then and for a long time that I could do this well on my own financially.  In that respect I am actually better off than I was before BD.   Way better off,,,while h couldn’t have blown up his financial future more if he had tried.   

It’s a bitter victory though.  I loved that man, every ounce of my being loved him.  I am happy for me but incredibly sad for him.  My future looks bright while his looks pretty dim.   I’m just getting into the retirement travelling we both planned to do together  - starting with Rome, Florence, Tuscany (the cult meetup), then right after another trip to the US for a coastal trip with a longtime friend.  Then in March - Tel Aviv and Israel.  In the meantime, h spends all his vacation time visiting his ow in her home town, doing nothing all day because until she gets home from work.   Every trip is the same except the occasional road trip.   The contrast on how things have played out for each of us couldn’t be more stark.  I have to wonder now if he’s already paid dearly enough for his choices.   He’s destroyed and lost more than I ever could have imagined when this all started.  And I’ve gained.  Not just financially but I am happier now than I’ve been in a very long time, even when all was still good in the marriage. 

I feel like I’ve come out the other side where I know without a doubt I will be better than fine without him.  I’m not hoping for nor encouraging a reconciliation.   I like my own new life a bit too much to dive back into the uncertainty that awaits if we reconcile.  Will it always be this way?  I think so and  I want it to be so.   But who knows what is down the road 5 or so years from now?  I just know that today, all is right in my world.  😎

Offline Shining Star

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Re: Bits and Pieces
« Reply #28 on: April 26, 2019, 06:06:01 PM »
Awesome!  Love the karma bus...
H:56, I am 54
BD: March 2014, Left Sept 2014, Back Nov 2014
Left again in February 2015.  Asked for D on 9/22/15
Said he was "sure" he wanted a D in Dec 2015; 
Admitted long term affair - May 14, 2017 - says he is in love with the "symptom" but wants to build a relationship with me with "clear expectations" WHATEVER THAT MEANS!  Settlement Agreement signed 9/20/17.
Divorce final 3/14/18.
NC - by choice - 1/2018

Offline AnonTopic starter

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Re: Bits and Pieces
« Reply #29 on: May 08, 2019, 02:44:20 PM »
It’s a pretty slow day here, raining, windy.  Not much to do.   I was reflecting that I don’t post much anymore on my own thread which says my life has pretty much stabilized despite MLC and all the horrors it brings.   I feel like my old self in most ways.  When I see or talk to H I don’t have to pretend anything.  I am exactly who I am with him which is to say,,,I don’t have to pretend to not be interested in seeing or talking to him because I am truly not interested and I don’t have to try to GAL because I definitely have a full life that’s enjoyable for the most part.  It feels like I’ve somehow “arrived”.   H in the meantime still makes regular contact - weekly if not more frequent.   I keep it short and to the point though.   

Anyway, thought it might be interesting to go back and read my postings when I first came here.  I wasn’t wrong - it was fascinating reading and the most interesting part of it is that I almost didn’t recognize the woman I was back then.   The difference in me back then and me now is like night and day.  I have come a very long way.  I’m doing way more than surviving.  I’m thriving and enjoying life.  Lots to look forward to and very little looking back. 

I cringed when I felt the horrible pain in my postings back then but it was also awesome to see the growth and change in me since then.  It made my day to do that review.  😎

So if you are a new LBS, I can truthfully say, it gets better or at least it did for me.   Do your best to move forward and build your life without him, whether you are standing or not. 


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