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Author Topic: My Story And round and round we go

S
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My Story And round and round we go
#120: March 25, 2020, 09:33:54 AM
Ever, I am glad you made it through the WA. Those are such hard days and it's okay to be down and out for a day or two.
The discussion your in laws had with him just shows you how delusional these MLC really are thinking everything will be coming up roses and that we wouldn't be that hurt and everyone lives happily ever after. NitWits....
You do sound well and really all we can do is just keep on going one day at a time. Please stay safe and healthy and keep your head up high.
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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

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And round and round we go
#121: March 25, 2020, 09:19:45 PM
Hi Ever
how are you going in these weird times? Sorry I didnt manage to get to the catch up with H & F

Re the discussion with your H and SIL
I also found info about where my H's head was at very useful and calming in a way.... once i had achieved a level of detachment.
I could chew it over, think oh thats where you are at, not take it at all personally, and notice any changes. eg I dont think your H in the beginning would have admitted AT ALL that he hadnt thought it through or had done anything rash.
It can serve as a monkey braining check, just dont take what he says as a personal put down. They are his thoughts and opinions, and you dont agree with them. His thoughts are going to change over time. We arent going to be able to influence them much other than being a lighthouse.

So congratulations on achieving some detachment. I can see that you are focusing on the long haul and not the minutae now. Well done
xx Not
PS your opinions about him over time are most likely going to change too.
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Me 61
H 59
D 27
BD March 15
OW ex from 36 years ago

h
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And round and round we go
#122: March 25, 2020, 10:57:25 PM
Typing from my phone so this will be brief.

I do see movement too. Admitting he hadn’t thought this through is significant. I heard very similar things and also got the “there’s just no way back” for the longest time  ::) He even said it again the other night. “You just don’t make your way back from this, although we are...” It’s almost like that thought is so ingrained that they’re still saying it even when they are actively moving home and also saying positive things.

You do seem accepting of the marathon nature of this journey and also your ability to pull out if you decide to.
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BD's in May 09, Sept 12 - suspected OW
Left home Jan 12 2013
OW confirmed Feb 2013
Moved home April 11 2014
BD again in April 2017 - clinging. 
Moved out July 2017
D20, D18 and S16

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#123: March 26, 2020, 01:22:34 AM
I see movement too, Ever. But in you.
A growing sense of acceptance and detachment. Which imho is a gift when we start to feel it.
A point when we start to pull away from imbuing their words with much significance at all or comparing it to some virtual MLC watch list.

I happen to think that the nature of crisis is that folks tend not to have some big cunning plan, that they don't think things through and they do perhaps come to see that where they are is not quite where they intended to be. And people respond to that in different ways I guess....some will settle for what they have, some will keep searching for something else, some will try to find what they lost or repair what they broke. Tbh for most humans I can see that it might be easier to just keep going on the new path you have made even if it isn't quite as great as you thought. Or to decide that this is the only realistic choice now given where you are. Not so different for an LBS either really is it?

At the same time, as a fellow LBS said to me some time ago, if they wanted to be here, they'd be here. Also true.
I also think that it is reality that, for everyone involved, what is done can't be un-happened. And things are different bc of it. No less true for the LBS than for the MLCer. In some cases, things can be rebuilt and repaired perhaps....but they can't be un-happened. No one has a time machine that can restore a pre BD factory setting  ::)

But regardless of what is in your h's head, you seem to have eased towards a place of increasing detachment and that is probably a good feeling for you. There is a point perhaps when we just stop caring much about what they may or may not think/feel bc it serves no purpose, often seen with hindsight I suspect.
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« Last Edit: March 26, 2020, 01:38:18 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

s
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And round and round we go
#124: March 31, 2020, 06:52:57 AM
Finally caught up ever.

I think more than anything it’s absolutely huge he can admit he rushed into his decision. Aside from anyrhinf that shows it’s not a normal breakup, I mean...normal people don’t make life changing decisions like that so quickly.

Your doing good girl!
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Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D6 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017
Moved in with Ow - November 2019
Ow met children - December 2019

h
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And round and round we go
#125: April 01, 2020, 05:21:48 PM


Happy Birthday Ever!!
I just tried to add a gif and a picture, but I basically suck at that stuff  :-\

Thinking of you and hopefully we can chat later or tomorrow xx
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BD's in May 09, Sept 12 - suspected OW
Left home Jan 12 2013
OW confirmed Feb 2013
Moved home April 11 2014
BD again in April 2017 - clinging. 
Moved out July 2017
D20, D18 and S16

E
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And round and round we go
#126: April 02, 2020, 12:08:13 AM
Aww thank you. It’s be a sad day... then a lovely day... then a sad day etc. I know all here will know what I mean. Not the way I would have liked to have spent this milestone (and not just talking about the isolation - although at least that is a good cover story for being a bit sad today!). Look forward to a chat tomorrow. Xxx
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M: 49
H: 51
Married 20yrs, together 23yrs
D: 20
D: 18
BD (that I didn't recognise as such) Easter 2018
BD 9th Sep 2018
OW (45) - he met her in the pub a week before BD, told me about her a week after BD. Thinks 'their planets have collided' because 'their eyes met across the room' and they had an 'instant connection'. Lives with her. Is building a life with her.

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And round and round we go
#127: April 02, 2020, 12:37:25 AM
We do, Ever. I hope lovely wins by a head!
Happy Birthday from me too.....hey, celebrate with some over-indulgent TP games....pin the tail on the TP roll, make bunting, pass the TP parcel...... :)
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

M
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Re: And round and round we go
#128: April 02, 2020, 12:46:28 PM
Happy Birthday for yesterday, Ever! Sorry you're facing this big one without your H and during this world crisis. These days are hard so understandable that you would have have some sad moments. Sending you big hugs xxx
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

 

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