Author Topic: My Story Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair  (Read 2144 times)

Offline Jackolar12

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My Story Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
« Reply #10 on: April 26, 2019, 08:03:45 AM »
Hi FO5, sorry for your situation it’s a long haul for sure. Do you think she’s peri menopausal and her hormones might be influencing her behaviours.

Offline Father5Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
« Reply #11 on: April 26, 2019, 08:28:36 AM »
   HI Jack,

She's only 44 so unlikely but possible I guess.
Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

Offline Jackolar12

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
« Reply #12 on: April 28, 2019, 11:32:33 PM »
Hi F5, that’s the age when my Mlcer first started to act up, she finally blew her gasket at 49. The peri menopause can last for many years and can totally change a persons outlook on life. It might be a good idea to do a bit of research in this area to get an understanding of how destructive the peri menopause can be.

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
« Reply #13 on: April 29, 2019, 12:59:10 AM »
   HI Jack,

She's only 44 so unlikely but possible I guess.

Uhhhhhhhh...... Not even unlikely in today's environment.....

STBXW started with perimenopausal symptoms at age 43, 2 years after D8 was born..... Something to consider but, there is STILL nothing that you can do if she won't seek medical help or ask about the possibility...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Offline Father5Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
« Reply #14 on: May 06, 2019, 07:58:43 AM »
Hi Everyone,

I am wondering about what to do for Mother's day next week. Do I get a gift from the kids do I give her a life without me in it ? What should I do
Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

Offline PJ Will Be OK

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
« Reply #15 on: May 06, 2019, 10:32:51 AM »
Just noticed your story, F5. So sorry you're here.

My W was 43 at bomb drop 3 years ago, and 44 is not that early at all. I agree with those that say it doesn't sound like your W had an exit affair. Sounds like MLC or something related to me. But I don't know if we'll really know what happened until we can look back on it in the distant future.

Sorry, but you may been in for a long haul if your marriage survives this intact. So buckle up and take care of yourself.

Congrats on working on your own life. It sounds to me like you're doing a lot of the right things. Don't beat yourself up over anything you did wrong early on. You suffered a horrible trauma. Treat yourself like you would treat a buddy who got run over by a truck. Because you were run over by a truck. Nobody is prepared for what you went though. You couldn't be.

As for Mother's Day. I assume your kids still need help buying their Mom gifts and such. I would treat it like Mother's Days in the past. As for your gift, I would recommend something nice but not too romantic or sentimental.  Anything romantic might feel like pressure to her. Even though she's a mess, she's still the mother of your kids, so I think you have to acknowledge that. Just my 2 cents. Others may have better ideas.

Again, sorry you're here but I'm glad you found us. Take care of yourself and your kids. My situation got better when I quit worrying so much about whether the marriage would survive and started thinking more about how I would survive my marriage.

Be good to yourself.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11093.0;topicseen

Offline Father5Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
« Reply #16 on: May 06, 2019, 11:08:55 AM »
  Thank you PJ,

That helps a lot. I get it I do I just know at the moment she has asked for a life without me in it. So I wonder sometimes if I am doing the right things.
Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

Offline PJ Will Be OK

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
« Reply #17 on: May 06, 2019, 11:58:50 AM »
Is that what YOU want? Is that what's best for the kids?

I can't answer that for you, but keep in mind that she's obviously not in her right mind right now. She will cycle like crazy.

I would also refer you to this from OldPilot's introduction letter.
Quote
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years, married 27
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2: 2018 - FA
W moved out - June 2019
OM#3 - July 2019
W asks for divorce - August 2019
Divorce final - September 2019
Card-carrying member of the Iffer Party

My thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11093.0;topicseen

Offline Father5Topic starterTopic starter

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
« Reply #18 on: May 06, 2019, 01:16:04 PM »
Ultimately it's whats bets for the kids.

They are concern and my focus right now.
Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

Offline Disillusioned

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
« Reply #19 on: May 06, 2019, 01:42:31 PM »
For what it's worth:  I would only get her something from the kids. 

I took D8 to Target the other day, kept a budget of $50.00, and asked her what she wanted to get Mommy for Mother's Day.  A blouse, a candle, a card, a mug and her favorite candy.  Done.  Nothing from me.

After BD, I continued to ply her with gifts on the requisite occasions.  They were rarely acknowledged.  It was dismissive and some MLC vets might say that it was actually something she would feel pressure from.  This year:  nothing from me for Christmas.  No mention of our anniversary.  Nothing from me for Mother's Day.  Nothing for her birthday.  Anything that would normally have gifts exchanged by D8 I honor by setting a budget and letting her choose.

That's just my 2 cents.  Your mileage may vary.



 
M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.
Elephant in the room has been addressed.  No further action atm.  Weighing my options.

 

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