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Author Topic: My Story Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair

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My Story Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#150: September 13, 2020, 06:44:28 PM
Hi Father5,

I would not respond to her email. She very nicely described how you were "confrontational" and "angry" during the last child exchange. A reply would almost be an admission on your part that her assessment is correct.

The tone of her email is very deliberate IMO. I would say she is even poking you some more in it. Just like she did with bringing OM along for the custody exchange.

She wants you to respond so she can use it against you. Be very careful with her.
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Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#151: September 13, 2020, 07:09:50 PM
Hello,

As I told you in my previous post, she played this card. He email is condescending and nothing but fodder to justify her bad behavior.

Quote
I know you are very angry with my decision.

If she knows you are very angry, why would she bring OM into the situation. Then be surprised because you react with anger. She expects you to text and email her after the fact, but she isn't responsible to communicate to you in advance. She was late dropping the kids off, she dropped them of at a different location, and by the way, I am bringing my something something to the place to because for months he has wanted to meet you.

Yeah right, and I sing better than Marvin Gaye and look better than Ryan Gosling.

I agree with everyone else. She will only use your response against you. I strongly suggest no response and that will get under her skin.

I didn't know we are both out in Cali, we should meet up with Disillusioned sometime and have an LBSer party.

Detach, don't let her play you. The MLCer is a master at manipulation and you don't want to get stuck in her game. Enjoy your evening and be good to the kids and more importantly, be good to yourself.

((((Hugs)))

Ready

Let's do this!   ;D
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M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.
Elephant in the room has been addressed.  No further action atm.  Weighing my options.
12/16/19  She files financial paperwork.  Divorce proceeding.

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Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#152: September 13, 2020, 08:59:55 PM
Thanks for all of the support everyone! You guys are truly amazing.

   It is amazing how everytime she does something that is going to hurt she tells me when the kids are around. The affair, How she is traveling back to see the OM 3 days later are all the times I have lost my temper. She tells me all of this when my kids are there. When she asked for a divorce the kids where having a sleep over. She is a real piece of work at the moment. Silence is my friend !

  Ready PM me where you are I'd love to meet up with you guys sometime.
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Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

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Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#153: September 14, 2020, 01:42:45 AM
You are seeing more of the pattern, Father, as you detach more. And imho that can be useful bc, nonsensical as it seems, it can allow you to predict a little how she is going to likely behave in a divorce process, you can see the story she wants everyone to believe and how she acts to get what she wants. Which means you can safeguard yourself from some of it.

Your feelings are reasonable and understandable. Anger is often a big flag that someone has crossed an important boundary. By all means, feel how you feel. No one, including your stbxw, has the right to tell you how to feel or what to think about her, OM or the situation. But....and it's an important but in an MLC divorce....feelings do not have to be voiced or displayed or acted upon. And keeping your thoughts to yourself allows you to behave as if an objective legal judge were watching....follow the letter of the law, do nothing she could use against you with regard to custody of your kids, say little and stick to the bare logistical facts, keep your parental side of the street as clean as possible without being a doormat to her whims.

Let her think what she wants....no longer your business....don't be afraid or let her bully you but you do you calmly and separately. Other guys here have walked this path with manipulative callous stbxw's; it isn't uncommon with an MLC divorce sadly. As far as I could/can tell, my xh thought that I deserved to be stolen from, lied to and ignored as if i had never existed, as if I was literally nothing as a person, that I deserved to be afraid for my life and sanity......that he believed that did not make it true lol. But it was pointless to try to change that story in his head imho. And much more important that this story did not become mine.  :)

And if it helps, perhaps change the phrase in your head from coparenting to parallel parenting? Bc it is pretty difficult to co-anything with someone who has no respect for your POV, who lies often and takes no responsibility for the effect of their actions isn't it?
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« Last Edit: September 14, 2020, 01:50:04 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

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Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#154: September 14, 2020, 05:28:00 AM
Hey man, good to see a thread from you! I missed most of it over the summer, I'm just catching up now.
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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#155: September 14, 2020, 06:10:10 AM
Time for a new thread, Father.   :)
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

 

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