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Author Topic: My Story Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair

H
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My Story Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#60: December 18, 2019, 03:43:25 AM
Father 5
You did what any good husband and dad would do . You busted your @$$ to take care of your family.
You don't have to explain why you did it.
I know how it is to work 80 to 100 hrs a week.
$h!t happens in life. Just part of it.

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#61: December 18, 2019, 10:10:40 AM
Hi NYM,

To be honest I don't post much here. My thread on HB is more of a reflection of my marriage and self. My 90/125 hour work week was unplannwd. I lost my business here and made a big move to an island. For two and a half years I worked like a dog but I always told her if we needed a change I would do whatever as she and the kids came first. We were up to our eyeballs in debt. I own not holding up my father duties for those two years. Right before we moved her father passed and this is when I see this really change in her. If you'd like to read my thread on HB PM me and I'll let you go over it. I would greatly value your input.

STOP...REWIND...NYM. I gotta backup Father here. You have no idea how expensive cost of living is where he was. I'm still living on island. The cost of living is absurd. Gas, housing, and food is ridiculous. Everyone here has to work at least 2 jobs to even break even. And even then most of us have a strong family support network to help each other out. From what I remember, Father wasn't a local here from the islands so imagine being without that safety net. So he put in the extra work to make up for that. Unfortunately it did take a toll on his marriage, but it does not negate that his W is going thru a crisis. We cant' judge MLC or WAW or whatever from the other side of our computer screens. If you have questions about Father's situation, just ask. But we should not assume to know anything about anyone's situation. Because at the end of the day unless we are walking in someone else's shoes we shouldn't judge anyone's situation.
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« Last Edit: December 18, 2019, 10:14:29 AM by islandgirl68 »
Me: 35
H: 37
S19; D12; D9; D5
Together 20 years, Married for 3
BD: 4/25/2017 (EA, FA)
BD: 4/10/2018 (EA same OW)
Learning about one another again

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#62: January 14, 2020, 02:49:47 PM
    So a few weeks ago she was reaching out everyday. Always about the kids but little stuff here or there. Now I have complete radio silence for the last week and a half. I mean nothing like she has become a vanisher!

 I got the kids a dog today so that'll be fun when they see her on Friday ! She is am English Bulldog I got from the dog pound. 2 yrs old and full of spunk ! She is going to be a great addition to the family.
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« Last Edit: January 14, 2020, 02:53:51 PM by Father5 »
Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

m
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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#63: January 14, 2020, 02:57:08 PM
Father: so great that you are living you life in small and big ways, for you and the kids. What a great addition.

As for Vanisher, keep in mind, they cycle. Fast or slow. Right now you are in “fast” cycle, I can stay from my experience that my wife went from cycles of days to now cycle of weeks and at some points even months. Yup it takes all kind of loops in the roller coaster I guess!
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F
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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#64: January 14, 2020, 03:10:30 PM
So exciting about the dog!  It is tough when they cycle towards you and then away.
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Married 20 years
Husband is 43
Me-39
4 kids 6-15 years old

BD-October 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), OW2(PA) no longer together.  I believe he is single. 
April 2019 He got an apartment and moved out.
Oct 2019-Apologized for a years worth of monster behavior.  Still wants to start divorce this Spring, is distant, but friendly.  Tries more with kids, but mostly just helps haul them around(superficial).
Spring 2019 H agreed to put off the divorce another school year to keep the kids and I from moving back to TX.
2020-He has continued to help out when asked and be polite.  I do think he questions his choices at times.  I do not believe he has OW.

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#65: January 15, 2020, 05:51:01 AM
What are you going to call your new fur baby?
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The more relaxed you are, the better you are at everything: the better you are with your loved ones, the better you are with your enemies, the better you are at your job, the better you are with yourself. - Bill Murray

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#66: January 15, 2020, 01:22:43 PM
Hi Cheer,

   I am thinking Gertrude but I have to check with my daughter. I am excited about the dog and can't wait to surprise the kids !
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Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

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Re: Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#67: January 21, 2020, 11:32:03 AM
HI All,

   We have named my new dog "Soda Pop" the kids won out ! She is a real love. I had some minor contact with my wife over the weekend. She came to the door and met the dog when dropping off the kids. She says she would like to go to my moms house to see our other dog that my mom took in when we moved to the islands. She said she didn't want to make my mom feel uncomfortable. I just said she isn't going to be uncomfortable and that was it I didn't add anything else. We had a long conversation about a few personal things of hers. I just listened and was polite.

  I really feel like I am starting to detach a lot more. I didn't spin or react, I kept my cool and didn't try and fix her problem with my mom.

   It will be interesting to see if she actually reaches out to my mom. She tried to do it through someone else but my mom said NO and "If you want to see the dog I will make arrangements just let me know your plans". My wife never texted her back.

  I had a nice get together on Saturday with some old and new friends. I did great at hosting if I do say so myself. Lots of food and drinks and everyone seemed to have a really good time. It was a first for me to do something like this on my own.
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« Last Edit: January 21, 2020, 11:34:12 AM by Father5 »
Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

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Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#68: March 17, 2020, 10:13:52 AM
    So I had a huge blow up with my wife. She has sent me a text saying she doesn't like how my nanny talks about Jesus to our kids. That she has a convert board in her room that my wife is on. That if I didn't talk to her that she would.

  I went on to explain to her  that she has no right to discuss anything with anyone I decide to bring into the kids life. that she gave up that rioght when she walked out the door and blew up her family. Her response was classic " Are you seriously still hung up on that". I haven't responded back and don't plan too. 
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Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

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Wife is gone wondering if it's an Exit affair
#69: March 17, 2020, 10:35:42 AM
Quote
" Are you seriously still hung up on that".

Oh goodness, Father...that may well be an HS MLC Classic  :)
And of course you were quite right to walk away from the exchange right there.

As you might know, I am a person of faith but - if you'll pardon the pun - let me play devil's advocate lol a little. Your nanny has the right to her personal beliefs. And so does your wife. And, for all that she is now and has done, she is still your kid's mother is she not? Does she get a vote on how you live your life now? No. But does she have the right to an opinion at least about any religious instruction that her children are receiving? Perhaps.

I happen to not be a strong fan of proselytising....I think faith is a very personal thing and God shows up when/if we're ready to listen. Idk what your faith views are or how closely your nanny's approach fits with them. But perhaps it is worth musing on for a few days to see if it is worth setting a gentle boundary with your nanny if not?

Detachment I think is when we can choose things neither to please or appease the MLCer but also maybe not to do the opposite just bc we resent their interference or opinion? Just a thought.
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T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

 

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