Author Topic: Mirror-Work The difference of a bitter lbs and accepting what is  (Read 1273 times)

Online Treasur

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Mirror-Work Re: The difference of a bitter lbs and accepting what is
« Reply #50 on: May 05, 2019, 12:09:38 PM »
I don't much like the fact that I still often feel sad or lonely or miss my h and even sometimes a bit bewildered by being here and how awful it was. All of those feelings are infinitely better than this list or the kind of life this list would create.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Nerissa

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Re: The difference of a bitter lbs and accepting what is
« Reply #51 on: May 05, 2019, 12:19:50 PM »
Oh dear, is like a set of MLC ingredients isn't it?
What an interesting list. Makes you wonder just how bitter our spouses are/were....

Just  what I was thinking!

I was also going to say that for me, the importance of being heard and my hurt recognises has been of huge importance in tempering this kind of reaction.  It wells up when I feel deflected or dismissed.  I’m not sure the power of empathy in helping us to heal, even when our reactions are not entirely sensible or reasonable, is not always fully appreciated.

Online xyzcf

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Re: The difference of a bitter lbs and accepting what is
« Reply #52 on: May 05, 2019, 12:25:57 PM »
My thinking is that just as happiness and love are choice, so are bitterness and hatred.

What a wonderful list!

I watched a CNN program last night called Chasing Life with Dr, Sanja Gupta. The episode I watched was about how in Norway, people are really very happy. There are a multitude of reasons (although the long darkness of winter and cold would not make me very happy) but it is a choice and an attitude. One thing that stood out, and what we say often to LBSers was the importance of getting your body moving, particularly good if you can do activities outdoors. All kinds of psychological benefits and physiological release of endorphins.

My MLCer told me he "resented me" and actually I think resentment and bitterness are similar. A few years ago, he smugly told me that he didn't resent me anymore...he had got beyond that. I am still puzzled as to what exactly he resented me for.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

Offline Keep believingTopic starter

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Re: The difference of a bitter lbs and accepting what is
« Reply #53 on: May 06, 2019, 03:42:43 AM »
Every single thing on the bitter list is my H!   and maybe im not bitter just extremely angry for right now! Who in the world can do that ! maybe if he was with ow,  but the kids too just topped the list of worldest biggest  @$$hole , deadbeat dad regardless of mlc.   The most selfish person I have ever known!

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: The difference of a bitter lbs and accepting what is
« Reply #54 on: May 10, 2019, 03:53:16 PM »
I grew up with an extremely bitter and jealous mother. She resented anything good that happened in my life. She was forever the victim for numerous reasons. She never let go of the reasons and could recount, starting all the way back to 1943, every way in which she had been wronged.

I swore I would never end up like her. She passed away about 4 years before BD, but she would have been delighted that my M blew up. She told me from the beginning of my M that it would never last. So she was sort of right, it only lasted 34 years. ::)

I am sorry for the way the M ended, but I continue to find my stride and be thankful for the things that I do have, and have had in my life.

Acorn, I really like your list. It really encompassed all the facets of a bitter person, and my mother ticked all of them. So sad to live life completely absorbed in the "why me" camp.

Perhaps not being bitter is a special kind of FU to crazy nasty people.  :)

I am certainly giving that FU on a daily basis. It really does mess with their minds. LOL

Offline stayed

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Re: The difference of a bitter lbs and accepting what is
« Reply #55 on: June 01, 2019, 07:28:40 AM »
Ouch, where was that list when I most needed it... hehehe!  It's not funny, but I just about killed myself with my anger and bitterness.  I started having anxiety attacks, unable to eat, sleep... oh my, I was one angry, bitter lady. 

I eventually came out of it, solely because I became "sick and tired of being sick and tired"!  It was rotting my soul from the inside out.  Not to mention the outside wasn't looking too good either, as I was skinny and haggard.

Great discussion... hugs Stayed
Married 41yrs.
Reconciled July 5, 2006

"Don't be so open minded your brains fall out".  by Stephen A. Kallis, Jr.
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