Author Topic: My Story Journey of one Sun  (Read 1503 times)

Offline Treasur

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My Story Re: Journey of one Sun
« Reply #10 on: May 01, 2019, 11:48:22 AM »
Talking about this stuff in RL is not easy. Hard for people to comprehend and often their responses can add to our hurt or confusion even if they mean well.

At the same time, my friend, you need a support system bc this stuff is hard and tiring and uses a lot of emotional restraint. And with a possibly reconnecting h who you can't talk to in a normal or free way, it may help you tremdously to find a safe place and person/people where you can. You have us and I'm glad you have started posting but sometimes we need a real human face or an objective IC perspective too.

Might I humbly suggest that self-care is really important, too important to make excuses for not doing bc of teenage kids activities? When you are looking at most at say 1 hour a week, maybe less? Are you not worth 1 hour? Is the importance of coping with this the best you can not worth 1 hour? Particularly bc your kids are teenagers and I think your h (at least physically) is at home and currently not working? We all know how unreliable MLC spouses are but at the same time you sound like a tough minded hard working woman who could make that happen if you decided it was necessary. I'm sure you have read some of the reconnection threads and this stuff is not easy while you are also trying to keep your family train and work train on the tracks.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online SunandshadeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Journey of one Sun
« Reply #11 on: May 01, 2019, 12:35:31 PM »
Thank you Tresur, I hear you, take care of myself. I will really start to do that.

Thank you everyone who has taken a moment to reply to me, I appreciate your views on navigating this sad experience.

Offline sachat3

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Re: Journey of one Sun
« Reply #12 on: May 02, 2019, 03:00:50 AM »
Me and my H had agreed not to make it known until the end of January. Me being me and not understanding MLC thought all would be sorted by then and only his family need know.

Well come end of December Ow made it clear on her social media they were together so that was that.

I personally found in the time I hadn’t told anyone. It was hard BUT helped me heal. So I was able to confide in people without falling apart.
Me - 28
H - 35
3 children together D3 D5 D8 (D1 D4 and D6 at the time of BD)
Together - almost 8 years

BD & MLCer moved out - November 2017
OW discovered - December 2017

Online SunandshadeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Journey of one Sun
« Reply #13 on: May 02, 2019, 09:39:01 AM »
I really have no time for social media, the way some people use it as a look-at-me look-at-me non-stop brag-athon. Rise above it! Yes but some days easier said than done. Don’t pain shop I remind myself daily, plenty to worry about without looking for more.

MLC really is the strangest thing. Honestly, what compels a previously stable person to abuse their spouse, children, the OW/OM too, abandon responsibility and go on a selfish feeding frenzy, I don’t know that I will ever understand. The scale of self-destruction is breathtaking. The level of pettiness is staggering. I pray for us all.


Offline bubbs16

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Re: Journey of one Sun
« Reply #14 on: May 02, 2019, 10:12:47 AM »
Sure is a strange thing. They are a ticking time bomb just waiting to blow up.  They say there's absolutely nothing we can do or could have done. Mlc or not,  what they do to us lbs is unbarebly painful. To watch someone be so extremely selfish hurts so bad. I know that the mlcer isn't in the right mindset and is indeed abducted by alien. I know in my situation the woman I knew for 17 yrs would never abandon her husband and her dog. Even with knowing that it is so hard to look past and get over. As someone here said I was reading, the scars leftover will be forever. I try not to hold any resentment towards her and be able to forgive her, but the pain is so extreme. I wouldn't wish the pain us lbs have to go thru on my worst enemy.  I know they say the mlcer is in a insane amount of pain but I sure don't see that. Praying for is all

Offline Schratz66

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Re: Journey of one Sun
« Reply #15 on: May 02, 2019, 12:39:34 PM »
Welcome SunandShade and while I hate that you have to be here, I am glad we get to ride along on your journey.
Mine isn't a live in MLCer so I don't have any experience with that, but there's many on here that have.
I think already posting here is such a huge positive step for you to write it down, let it out and know you are understood.

I am not sure we will ever fully understand MLC, but I think most of these men and women had FOO issues long before they ever met us and couple that with depression and it's simply a powder keg just waiting for the igniter. In my case the igniter was watching his father die of cancer and then trying to manage his mother's financials at the same time.

Indeed the self destruction is horrendous and worse that there is nothing we can do to help.

Your husband sounds like he is still an avoidant type and will not talk about it, which means he is not dealing with it.

Just take care of yourself and leave him be. I think to keep it a secret or not is an individual choice as long as it is what you are comfortable with for yourself.

Come back often and post as this is such an amazing community of support and wisdom
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away - not sure if she is still in the picture

Online SunandshadeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Journey of one Sun
« Reply #16 on: May 05, 2019, 09:30:23 AM »
I wonder a lot about boundaries. It’s so weird to have to consider how to protect myself from my H, utterly unimaginable. You know someone for 20 years, or think you do, and they become a threat to your fundamental stability. On top of this you have to take some amount of  risks in reconnection. Anyway I don’t recognise remorse, not sure what is shame/regret/remorse/indifference. Silence is indeed a loud scream.

Offline Treasur

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Re: Journey of one Sun
« Reply #17 on: May 05, 2019, 09:43:15 AM »
Boundaries tbh are part of selfcare...think of them as your garden fence. Others can do and think what they want, but not in YOUR garden.

What else are you doing about self care, Sun? What do you see as one or two things you can do that will help you feel a little stronger or calmer or clearer or happier right now even if it is just 1%?
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online SunandshadeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Journey of one Sun
« Reply #18 on: May 05, 2019, 09:53:22 AM »
I’m just concentrating on taking care of my kids, making sure they are adjusting to life in a country that’s new to them, navigating public school. I go to work, try to establish myself in my profession here. It’s a small office so doesn’t offer much socially. I just get on the best I can and hope for brighter days ahead. I do have some family here, the ones I like the most are the busiest ones.

Online SunandshadeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Journey of one Sun
« Reply #19 on: May 05, 2019, 10:08:23 AM »
I can live without him, I have done so for nearly 2 years.

 

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