Author Topic: My Story Hunting Normal Service  (Read 2280 times)

Online UrsaMajor

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My Story Re: Hunting Normal Service
« Reply #80 on: May 15, 2019, 01:24:19 AM »
"Blessed are they who can see the beauty in the world around them, that see the light amidst the shadows, who can take joy and pleasure in the simple things for they shall have life and happiness in abundance..."

That is NOT in the bible or anyplace because I just made it up but it should be... the Gospel according to the Bear...

Sounds like another crossroads has been reached...

That'll do, Babe, that'll do!

Me - 54
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online TreasurTopic starter

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Re: Hunting Normal Service
« Reply #81 on: May 15, 2019, 01:26:28 AM »
Ah, UM, you just made my good day even better  with that gif  :)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

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"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Hunting Normal Service
« Reply #82 on: May 15, 2019, 02:37:08 AM »
"Blessed are they who can see the beauty in the world around them, that see the light amidst the shadows, who can take joy and pleasure in the simple things for they shall have life and happiness in abundance..."

Nice :)

Sound like a good day with your friend Treasur. I am sure the new residents will be happy to let you take some cuttings if you explain why it is so important to you. :)
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline Anjae

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Re: Hunting Normal Service
« Reply #83 on: May 15, 2019, 01:06:42 PM »
Another who finds normal far less frantic than GAL. I did GAL like crazy, normal is far better. Normal, of course, is GAL, since we are living.

"Blessed are they who can see the beauty in the world around them, that see the light amidst the shadows, who can take joy and pleasure in the simple things for they shall have life and happiness in abundance..."

That is NOT in the bible or anyplace because I just made it up but it should be... the Gospel according to the Bear...

Love this.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hunting Normal Service
« Reply #84 on: May 15, 2019, 02:24:16 PM »
Treasur!!!  I am so excited!!!!

I just saw your post about your allotment...and had to go check everything out!   ;D

I haven't been around a lot because of some dental procedures I was having done so I missed this post.

Everything looks great!

I only have a patio and decided this year no flowering plants. I'm going with just some green Ivy's and a few other hanging plants, BUT I do have some patio tomatoes I'm planting out there tomorrow.

I might do carrots and radishes too.  I don't have a lot of space.
Anyway thank you for updated your site.  I will be watching all your stuff grow.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Schratz66

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Re: Hunting Normal Service
« Reply #85 on: May 16, 2019, 05:30:57 AM »
OMG Treasur - I love the link to your allotment and looks like it will be so much fun. Will definitely follow along and watch it grow and prosper.
Maybe you could approach the new owners of your parents house and ask to get some starters off the old plants for your allotment. How great would that be to have your parents plants right there with you.

And Ursa - stop it - we already know you are the smartest one around, but really, you just whip out these deep, profound sayings like it's nothing......maybe it's time for you to publish something - Bear Poetry and 2x4s
Me 52
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Shining Star

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Re: Hunting Normal Service
« Reply #86 on: May 16, 2019, 08:09:33 AM »
T:  I love the garden by the sea.  So beautiful and soothing....

I am sure the new owners would let you clip some of the yard.  When you are ready, you might ask.  It would be nice to add to your own garden.
H:56, I am 54
BD: March 2014, Left Sept 2014, Back Nov 2014
Left again in February 2015.  Asked for D on 9/22/15
Said he was "sure" he wanted a D in Dec 2015; 
Admitted long term affair - May 14, 2017 - says he is in love with the "symptom" but wants to build a relationship with me with "clear expectations" WHATEVER THAT MEANS!  Settlement Agreement signed 9/20/17.
Divorce final 3/14/18.
NC - by choice - 1/2018

Online TreasurTopic starter

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Re: Hunting Normal Service
« Reply #87 on: May 16, 2019, 09:37:33 AM »
Glad you guys like the pics...will keeep posting and maybe add an extra blog page for the little yellow and white garden too if only to share my first roses.

Only in LBS land...just walking back from buying a pint of milk and heard someone call my name. A chap called Chalky, a short bronzed tattooed Yorkshireman who I'd chatted to at the allotment occasionally. Know nothing about him really but I had mentioned my struggle with keeping the grass down and he went over to the plot this morning and strimmed it all down for me. I was so touched that I gave him a hug. And all he wanted in return was could he have a couple of newts from my well for his new wildlife pond. Of course I said, but in the spirit of barter I'll make you some jam when the fruit is ready too. Ah, he said...twinkling blue eyes and a cheeky grin...well I'm sure there are ALL kinds of things we could enjoy bartering....which made me laugh out loud. (It was cheeky but not offensive if you know what I mean  :) ) so in LBS land newts, allotments, jam and sex all in one short conversation...well, a new kind of normal I guess...who knew? Nice to be flirted with again actually even if it was a bit of a surprise lol.

On a slightly more serious note, my beach walk thinky in the sunshine this morning (and it was a beautiful morning here) was about recovery. I share it in case it is useful to anyone else. I remember reading on an old post (by someone whose h was pretty bonkers and had got remarried to ow speedily) that acceptance for her had two bits; reality and finality. That she found the first easier than the second. Which made me realise that for me it was/is the other way round. I accepted the finality of it probably in 2017...I simply could see no bridge unburned and it didn't make sense to me to try to keep crazy, nasty people or things in my life even if I did not understand why they wanted to hurt me....but accepting the reality of some of what happened has always been harder for me. Perhaps bc PTSD froze some of my responses. Perhaps bc my other losses meant that I could get finality like another death.

And that made me think about post-PTSD....which is probably where I am now. It would be lovely to think one goes in a mighty bound from PTSD to normal after EMDR. But I don't think it works that way exactly. I think while you have PTSD (and the same maybe applies to depression or anxiety) you develop PTSD 'habits' over time. Your brain recovers from PTSD but you are still left with some of the habits....so I think there is a very structured job to do then to break those habits and make new ones. That is probably just about where I am...but I do feel now that it is do-able and that a new normal is not so far away. Which has changed my to do list a bit too. (Have not yet added hot sex surrounded by newts or courgette plants though lol)

« Last Edit: May 16, 2019, 10:11:10 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD)
No kids.
BD Oct 15. OW since Apr 16?
H filed Jan 17. Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.

Grateful for any appearance of the tiny karma bus  
"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Thunder

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Re: Hunting Normal Service
« Reply #88 on: May 16, 2019, 10:33:07 AM »
You made me laugh.  Remembering the first time some man (young man at that) flirted with me after BD.
I didn't know what to do, or how to act, it had become so foreign to me.
I guess it felt good but it was scary back then.   Still had the "T" on my forehead for taken, but apparently he didn't see it.  lol

How nice of that Chalky to help you out.  Now you have a barter partner.   ;D  Never know what he might come up with.   ;)

I'll be looking forward to seeing your first roses, Treasur. 
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Mortesbride

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Re: Hunting Normal Service
« Reply #89 on: May 16, 2019, 11:34:58 AM »
What's that you said Treasur? Oh I couldn't hear you for the image of you meeting your new pal..


You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

 

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