Author Topic: My Story My New Normal 3.0  (Read 4023 times)

Online Treasur

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My Story Re: My New Normal 3.0
« Reply #80 on: October 14, 2019, 01:14:37 AM »
Well, I'm sorry, Roo. All pretty predictable textbook and of course they lie a lot.

What I am so glad to hear is that you got a big dose of love from your sister and a chance to see and reset back to what is normal. It's easy to lose sight of that as we navigate the far from normal. I hope that both the love and the normal will help you adapt your own plans and actions as you move forward from here, whatever that looks like for you.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: My New Normal 3.0
« Reply #81 on: October 14, 2019, 02:47:06 AM »
Roo
I'm glad you had a good trip. You deserved every bit of it. What you mentioned about your sister and her H and the couple on the plane? I feel the same way, ALOT!!!
We have our spouse at home but it's not even close to what a marriage should be. 
It will not be easy but the best thing you can do(imo) is keep doing Roo. Actually a little more if you can. Dont let him see any of you being sad or sitting around. Keep the vacation going.
Let him spin away in the wind. As for the skank in the picture?? Well she could have planned that. Oh take my picture when I sit down!!!!! Maybe it was 5 minutes, maybe not. But your H knows that was hurtful and very disrespectful. 5 minutes or 5 seconds. So he needs to work on things a little more. No doubt.
Don't let this little bump slow you down Roo.
Just pick up the pace a little and jump over it!!!

Offline Milly

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Re: My New Normal 3.0
« Reply #82 on: October 14, 2019, 06:26:12 AM »
Thanks for the update Roo. I’m so sorry you had to see that photo of your H and OW sitting together.  I can totally understand how devastating that must have been for you. Good for you for ignoring him after that instead of having a shouting match. I’m very pleased to hear that you had an amazing holiday in spite of your H and his stuff. Your home and dinner sound so cosy. Your H no doubt is feeling really guilty, well,  because he got caught. I was having a bad day today myself and your update is helping me remember what MLC is.


Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline 9393rooTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: My New Normal 3.0
« Reply #83 on: October 14, 2019, 01:55:37 PM »
Thank you Enyo, Ursa, Treasur, Milly and Helping. 

More of an update.  Last night when my H got home he asked if we could talk.  Usually not good.... He proceeded to tell me that it was important that I know that there is nothing going on with the OW.  He doesn't even think of her anymore.  He said that evening that the picture was taken he had taken some people out for dinner and a group of other employees just showed up, she was one of them.  She found a seat right next to him.  He said he was so far over her that it didn't even register that she was there. 

Who knows what to believe anymore.  I told him his words and his actions do not match up.  I will not believe his words until his actions show me proof. 

The thing is I really don't even care, I wasn't even upset.  I didn't miss this man who is posing as my H at all for the last 10 days.   Is this complete and total detachment?

Helping, I know at one point you said in one of your threads"I've come this far I guess I will just keep on going"   This is kind of how I feel today,I really just don't care what he does anymore.  My H has so far to go in all of this.  Who knows if he will actually outcome it.    Today he is a "Woe is me Eeyore" I'm doing my best to stay away. 

Not everything is peachy in the  world of the Rockstar, today he is blaming everyone else for his misery.  I'm starting to wonder if he will ever look at himself.....
Husband 54
Me 54
Kids 3 sons 28, 26, 23 1 daughter 19
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 32 years.  Together 34
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: My New Normal 3.0
« Reply #84 on: October 14, 2019, 02:29:58 PM »
When nobody pays any attention to him??? Him blaming everybody for his issues. ETC.
Then he will look at himself. Kinda like a kid throwing a temper tantrum on the floor. Well if he gets his way, he will do it again. I've even seen it when they get in trouble, they still do it. But most effective way is to just ignore them. Walk out of the room, trust me.  The kid will get up and go look and see where you went, ha.
It's not a laughing matter Roo. But you know what I mean. If you show them pitty, thwy will take advantage of you. If you get mad and fuel their monster, they like that too. Best thing is to smile and roll on. Just walk out if the room so to speak.
Next time you see a pic, Lord I hope there will not be any more. But if???? Don't even mention it. Let him see that Roo doesn't give a$h!t what he does. He's on his own!!
He will probably come looking around the corner for you!!!!!

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: My New Normal 3.0
« Reply #85 on: October 15, 2019, 04:11:35 AM »
Awwwwww... Poor Eeyore....



I find that, when they run out of people to blame, things to blame, events to blame... When ALL their excuses are finally exhausted, THEN they MIGHT look inside..
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Helpingme!

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Re: My New Normal 3.0
« Reply #86 on: October 15, 2019, 04:39:27 AM »
Yep
What UM said. He makes more sense.

Offline 9393rooTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: My New Normal 3.0
« Reply #87 on: October 15, 2019, 05:56:03 AM »
Ursa, he actually looks like that this morning 😁

Someone on here ( forgive me as I cannot find who it was) posted about their H’s crisis looking like 3 stages:

1.  Hey I’m a rockstar.  Everyone look at me.  I’m great, you’re not.
2.  Hey I’m a rockstar, what’s wrong with you people, why aren’t you looking at me.  There’s something wrong with all of you.
3. Maybe I’m not a rockstar, I wonder if there is something wrong with me.

This is what I see is happening in hindsight.  He’s stuck in phase 2.  I went to our company offices yesterday to pick up some work and was pretty stunned by the atmosphere. It feels like nobody is happy there.  The atmosphere used to be light and happy (like my original H) now it is dark and moody.  I think the office feels like a LBS and they are all trying to figure out what the he!! happened to their leader.  I’m not going to step in and cover for him. I’m letting go and seeing what happens.  Hopefully all that he has worked for the last 30 years will not go down the toilet.

I’m off later today to find a new volunteer opportunity with kids.  I have found that working with kids is what I truly love and brings the greatest joy in my life. 

Forward I go.
Husband 54
Me 54
Kids 3 sons 28, 26, 23 1 daughter 19
BD #1 Spring 2016
BD #2 Winter 2017
married 32 years.  Together 34
H never moved out except 3 weeks after BD #1
OW 30 year single mom employee-He says EA only I don’t believe him.
He is working on things and far from being cooked.

Offline Maleficent

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Re: My New Normal 3.0
« Reply #88 on: October 15, 2019, 07:15:40 AM »
Hi Roo,  Just catching up.  Your vacation sounds fabulous and you do as well.  As it was said, H not so. 

I love your description of the older couple--that was my dream, to be that older couple someday.  I am glad they were there for you--I look at the kindness of strangers and think how many real life angels there are in the world.  Sometimes strangers can show us more love. 

Interesting rockstar analogy. I wonder how to describe stage 4? 

We often think the grass is greener to have H still at home, but you really do have to be tough to survive the process.  I am sorry about the picture of the company dinner.  Painful.  You handled the information with grace, a good stage of detachment.  When trust is gone, it is so hard to rebuild.  I am sorry about his company, too, as so many people are affected, not just (both of) your original dream and plans. 

I hope you find a wonderful new volunteer opportunity--so glad that you have found what brings you joy! Forward you go!!!!
BD and moved out 9/2017
M 30 years at BD, together 34

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: My New Normal 3.0
« Reply #89 on: October 15, 2019, 07:25:08 AM »
Interesting rockstar analogy. I wonder how to describe stage 4? 

Maybe "Who needs to be a Rock Star when life is good anyway?" or "OK, I am not a rock star... who cares?"
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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