[One day at a time]

"I need my space and to think everything trough in my process, but I want you to act normal and have intimacy with me and all that IF I feel like it" (do I sense a bit selfishness here??)

Interesting! This wasn't actually said but that's EXACTLY what happened for 7 months... And then he left 


I think it was UM who said that most if not all of our spouses are not intelligence challenged... Yet they come up with the most stupid statements and they are actually confused if you call them up on them. It boggles the mind!

[Disillusioned]

Before her secret filing, mine was constantly breadcrumbing with comments like "I don't want to talk to you because I don't want it being used against me in 1 to 2 years."  "You've only been out of the house a year."  "Many people take many years to divorce." "I wish you'd give me the benefit of the doubt."  "I'm not dating and won't be for a long time."  "I know someone who was separated for 25 years and never divorced."  "I have several friends, including my therapist, who separated for one to two years and got back together."

Taken on their own, you might think "Sounds like she wants Dis to wait."  And maybe she did.  But, mix in all the monstering "I don't love you.  I don't want to be your wife.  We'll never have sex again.  I was having sex with you to keep you quiet. Having sex with you was like being raped.  Being touched by you disgusted me. All you ever wanted was sex. I've been falling out of love with you for years.  I checked out in 2014.  I had the affair to stay in the marriage longer.  I always gave you the benefit of the doubt, which is why we stayed married as long as we did. You need to understand the affair didn't end the marriage. I became your mother.  We aren't compatible.  You're an embarrassment...."   Yeah.  Sorry.  Those ARE going to be used against you, STBXW.  I'm only human.

[Ro828]

I also remembered these:

- Talking is over rated
- I don't want to give you hope
- I feel like I live in a compound
- I want to kill myself

[Penelope2018]

Ah, I also heard "give me one year" because he knew he had a problem. This was in the beginning. After the divorce (if I remember correctly) it was "we may get back together, you never know." But how do you know I'll still want you?  He had no response.

No one will ever be as close to me as you are. I'll never love anyone as much as you. - What about OW??? Oh yeah, he can't speak freely to her because he has to keep hero-rich-greatest man alive mask on. She can't know the real him.

[Rising Phoenix]

Just found this thread.

I got

Ilybinilwy
There is never any loo roll!
You never listened
I can do what I like when I like
I can spend what I like when I like
But you would still have me back!
Just give me time
You pushed me to her
I’m a laughing stock at work
She’s my twin flame 🤮
It’s time for me
If the house was on fire you would save the kids first.
If you just let me have an affair it will fizzle out!


I can go on. Lol xx

[in it]

RP

If the house was on fire you'd save the kids first?

Uhh yeah probably since they are ..oh I don't know ..KIDS?!
 How about maybe he'd help?

 Since he's supposed to be an adult maybe he could at least  save himself?  Or would that be your job too?
These people are truly messed up.
And the more you try to deal with them The more messed up you will be too.

[Disillusioned]

Since we are basically N/C except for D8, and she just filed the D behind my back, I realize that one of the most painful things she's done recently is fo stop referring to me as "Daddy" to D8.  Now I'm "Your father"  or "Your dad."  I continue to call her Mommy when talking to D8.  I honestly don't know which is better for D8.  I know STBXW is completely detached, so I get it on her end.  Anyway, just another aspect of it that hurts.

[megogirl]

I realize that one of the most painful things she's done recently is fo stop referring to me as "Daddy" to D8.  Now I'm "Your father"  or "Your dad."  I continue to call her Mommy when talking to D8.  I honestly don't know which is better for D8.  I know STBXW is completely detached, so I get it on her end.  Anyway, just another aspect of it that hurts.

Ohhhhh.....I hear you on this.

Every time XH refers to me as "your mother" to S16, I want to jump through the phone and strangle him.  I'm not only HIS MOTHER - I endured 9 months of hell for YOU to be his dad!!!  UGH

I still call him Dad, and will never refer to him otherwise.  Save your $h!te for the Jerry Springer Show!

Likewise, I bought Father's Day cards for both S16's DAD & S16's grandfather at Target today.  Even though I have no contact with either of them, and neither of them did $h!te for ME to commemorate Mother's Day.   I just thought it was the right thing to do - even though they did NOT deserve it (!!!)

[in it]

Well Dis then "Your Mom" isn't a total "your Mother" and it grows up a bit from Mommy. These are adjustments you make that may help you detach a bit more.

As far as the Fathers Day cards Mego that's up to you. If you feel its "the right thing to do" then do it, and have zero expectation from doing it.
 Why you are doing anything for someone who you feel doesn't deserve it may only feed more resentment for you to deal with? Your son is old enough to get him a card or whatever for Fathers Day. If he needs a couple of bucks to get him something you might be able to do that.
If your son doesn't do anything, oh well.

 It's not your obligation to treat someone ( his father)  with more respect than they have shown to you by getting him a card, or acknowledging him at all.

If you have done this for years for your child ( Fathers Day cards presents, Christmas etc) old habits are hard to break but you may want to start doing that at some point..

As in Old Pilots greeting it advises : detach it's the single most important thing you can do.

[megogirl]

Yes, init, I have ALWAYS done the card-buying, and gifts.

Which has led me to the most recent.  I have ceased to buy everything else (ie: for birthdays), but upcoming Father's Day cards are glaring.  Just as Mother's Day was, but I've chosen to take the high road - even if they didn't.  $10.00 from my alimony that I'll never get back, but maybe somewhere buried in their pea-brains, they could notice.

And that is all that I'm hoping might happen.