[in it]

Don't attach ANY expectation to it. If it makes you feel good then fine. And the mention of how much it costs and not getting that money back believe me Mego if you cannot do it with NO STRINGS ATTACHED do not do it. You are setting yourself up.

[megogirl]

TY Init...

And I get doing stuff with "no strings attached"....but if I don't, how is that to *not* do something out of spite?!?

Tit-for-tat $h!te, and I hate it.  I just figured that $10.00 was worth any stupid outcome.

[in it]

 Not doing it isn't tit for tat.. and it isn't out of spite..
And doing it isn't trying to show someone you are the bigger person. Or trying to be the bigger person.

Things are different now. He is no longer your H. He might be your son's father but it's up to your son if he wants to do anything.

 There is no reason to do it anymore. It's too soon to make attempts at whatever you are trying to do. You have some agenda or motive for doing this. You said maybe they will notice.

[megogirl]

It's too soon to make attempts at whatever you are trying to do. You have some agenda or motive for doing this. You said maybe they will notice.

Yeah, admittedly I do....even if it doesn't resonate "right now."

RCR mentioned that doing the little things will get locked in their subconscious brains....so, who knows?  Just sayin.

Besides they're just cards, so what's $10.00 in the grand scheme?!?

[in it]

I don't know but maybe if you DON'T do it they will notice.

Reminds me of the phrase.
How can they miss you if you will not go away?

[Not Applicable]

Yes, init, I have ALWAYS done the card-buying, and gifts.

Which has led me to the most recent.  I have ceased to buy everything else (ie: for birthdays), but upcoming Father's Day cards are glaring.  Just as Mother's Day was, but I've chosen to take the high road - even if they didn't.  $10.00 from my alimony that I'll never get back, but maybe somewhere buried in their pea-brains, they could notice.

And that is all that I'm hoping might happen.

But it isn't necessary what might happen. They could see it as stalking instead of taking the high road, or see it as breaking the terms of the restraining order.

Life is not a Hallmark movie. You have criticized him as a father so many times that it just comes across as acting a part.

At one point Acorn said it is important to be ourselves. If you really feel something for them, go ahead and do it, but if your goal is just to manipulate and get a certain reaction, you are more than likely to be disappointed because in spite of their inability to feel anything, these MLCers seem to have highly attuned BS meters and can sense when we are faking it.

[Silver]

Well Dis then "Your Mom" isn't a total "your Mother" and it grows up a bit from Mommy. These are adjustments you make that may help you detach a bit more.

Ok I have to admit I went to this 'your mother' mode myself after we separated, not so much anymore. I don't know why I did it, always sounded strange to my own ears as well but reading your discussion about it, it was probably kind of subconscious way to become (or try to) more detached. Never thought it from kids view I suppose 
Thanks guys for bringing it up. They don't probably want me to talk about their mother but about mom.


 

[UrsaMajor]

In thinking about it, I refer to STBXW as "your mom" or "mom" depending on the conversation.... Yesterday, for example, I dropped off a B-Day card for one of S's friends (I was in charge of getting the present) and sent him a text that the card was in mom's mailbox.... So, all in all, probably more "mom" or "mom's"
Of course, having said that, I never referred to her as "Mommy" to them after they were more than about 3....

As for a WTF moment, I was reminded of another one this morning while I was making my work snacks...

"You eat celery. I HATE celery" Seriously.... can't make this stuff up...

[Whyus]

"You eat celery. I HATE celery"
, how could you?

XW (very quietly) "you go to Football!".
This was NEVER a Problem before. I have had a Season ticket for over 20 years, I go to maybe 50-70% of home games. Always asked if she wanted to come, sometimes she did.
It was cool though when I bought the Kids Season tickets for 12 years and took them so that she could have some time on the Weekends!!!
They just Twist EVERYTHING. No Point listening really...

[in it]

No there really isn't any reason to listen to the nonsense.
It's mostly about trying to justify what they did and at times borders on ridiculous.
You want out of a marriage or a relationship how about saying,
This isn't working for me and be mature about the reasons why.
You eat celery Ursa? Wow how could you do such a thing!

And Whyus if you enjoyed sports for that many years and she said nothing about it until she listed it as it was a problem. She full of it anyway. I'm sure she loved having time for herself.