[Disillusioned]

D8 still refers to us as Mommy and Daddy.  I hope she calls me Daddy the rest of her life.  So, when we talk about STBXW, I use the same vernacular (as it were) as D8.  I think it's less stressful on her that way.
I know when the MLCer started doing it, because she made sure I heard it.  It was like she wanted me to know she was fully detaching.  It's funny though: she still struggles to do it.  Guess she hasn't perfected it yet. 

[Disillusioned]

I suspect we could all keep this thread going for years as each day seems to cause me to remember some other wtf moment, but this morning I recalled that I was told even my marriage proposal was evidence of my controlling personality.   Apparently,  saying "I dont want any other man to have you"  during my presentation of the ring, was a horrible thing to say, and "nothing" would ever convince her otherwise.  When she said this, I countered with "Then I guess you were okay with another woman having me back then?"  Crickets.   

[UrsaMajor]

Bump this one up to the front of the pack

[Rising Phoenix]

Another comment I had was he couldn’t return home as I had wallpapered the living room and it didn’t have his stamp on it! Perhaps if I had allowed him to pee in the corner? It’s paper! X

[GWife9]

I'm 6 months into this mess and these are the lines I got from H so far:

IlYBNILWY
I'm sorry, I dont want to hurt you
I don't have any feelings for you, I'm detached
I will always love you.()
I'm just not happy. I just want to be happy.
I haven't been happy for 2 years...then 3....now 5
I know this sounds bad but I don't want your love.
I'm not abandoning the kids, I'm a good dad
The kids don't see me anyway on my 4 work days so its no big deal.
I'm just a paycheque to you
You are scared to be alone, thats why u want me.
I want to be alone.

[Wilderheart]

17 months in no contact since day of bomb drop March 1st 2019 except for legal letters full of monster in and lies and now nothing since December

Day of BD
I don't know who I am anymore
It's been your life not mine
I'm happy dancing in the kitchen on my own

Two weeks later
It just felt like we were friends at the end

After not signing her crazy divorce plan she concocted with her BPD mother
We will never talk again

Now awaiting for a financial remedy court date, she's disappeared off the face of the earth for now, no response to mediation dates or solicitors letters they are without instruction, debts are mounting and house will eventually be repossesd by the lenders I'm fighting to save our london flat which has just been flooded by our neighbours above so I'm in temporary accomedation the builders started renovation works today I'm awaiting therapy for ptsd and grief trauma in the next 10 weeks

Still have the odd bad day but less and less regular now it's just all been so bizzare

[Vm9799]

I am 2.5 years past BD, been officially divorced for 2 years and have since been in a new relationship that just ended.....slight derailment with a very troubled teenage son (his) and him needing to shift his priorities (rightly so). 

I'm not standing, obviously as I've moved on with someone else (that I hope to get back to as we JUST ended things). but exH is STILL the same wackadoodle he was at BD.

Some of the crap I've heard over the past 2.5 years......directly and through my D23 after I went totally NC:

ILYBNILWY (at BD)
No one should have to live like this! (No clue what that meant)
I'm just a paycheck to "you people" (at BD, meaning me and my kids....he was their Stepdad)
I work too hard to never have money (he's THE WORST at money management and now has less than he did before because *I* was in charge of the bills)
After BD he took me out to dinner, held my hand and said that he may regret this, but he HAD to leave (WTF???)
I've been unhappy 6 months.....2 years.....10 years......we never should've gotten married
He filed for D 1 week after he moved out, and when it became public record he SWORE to D23 (21 at the time) that he DID NOT file for D and then screamed that he was going to call his attorney right them!  (WHAT exactly did he think he spent $2000 on then?!? )
He made a very very long list of house projects he wanted to complete, which would've taken 10 years at his new snails pace and attention-deficit personality (this was at BD and it was nipped in the bud the second I found out about OW)
He kept trying to borrow stuff from the garage long after our divorce and when I finally put my boundaries in place he got mad and called me a bitter b*tch and told me to move on already (keep reading to hear how that worked out for him!)
OW/EA was denied and is STILL being denied (I saw the text messages......and how long it had been going on)
OW is STILL going to OUR yearly vacation spot (if he's with her, they are 100% on the DL because they are NEVER pictured together) each year and gloats about it on Instagram ......and what on EARTH kind of "relationship" is that?!  Plus, we've been Divorced for over 2 YEARS now.  makes NO sense
OW also showed up to my sister's funeral showing back in February (she's a co-worker of my mom AND my exH)......she's just a disordered as he is!
Incidentally, my exH was nowhere to be found when my sister died/funeral.....he still can't actually deal with anything 
I started a new relationship 1 year after he left and 6 months after our D and he cried to my daughter about "how could she do this to me!?"  "she is my endgame!" (endgame?  is he 14 years old?)......my D23 (who is working on her Masters degree in Counseling took the opportunity to remind him that HE DIVORCED ME.....she says he's a fascinating case study LOL!)
More recently my relationship ended (as I stated above about my ex's son) and all of a sudden MLCexH is now upset that he's not invited to family events (after 2.5 years of not caring about anything we are all doing)
Apparently he's also become a crying, blubbering, mess.  He's made himself the victim of ALL of his decisions.[/li]

I KNOW there are SO MANY more, but these are just the ones off the top of my head over the years.  SO MANY WTF moments in there!

[Nas]

Funny to see this thread resurrected today of all days.

I just had a WTF moment that I didn't realize was a WTF moment until 5 years later.
5 years ago today, 5 HUGE (I mean HUGE) boxes arrived on our doorstep full of product for H's then latest "business" scheme.
He came home from work, unpacked the boxes, set up an area in his basement "office" and talked on the phone for a long while with his shady "business partner." 
(Didn't share much about it with me - this was 3 months after BD and he'd spent much of those 3 months sleeping on the couch and alternately ignoring me or out of the blue offering me half of his sandwich.  )

Anyway, he had gone to the trouble of having those HUGE boxes delivered to our home and went through the trouble of unpacking them, breaking down the boxes and disposing of them, etcetera.

And then less than a week later, HE MOVED OUT.  To his childhood bedroom in his mother's house, in a move that had been arranged and pre-planned for SEVERAL MONTHS. 
So he already knew he was leaving, he already had his entire plan in place, yet instead of having those boxes for the new business sent directly to his mother's house, he had them sent to our home, AND he unpacked them and set up his office.  Only to pack it all up a few days later when he left. 

These reminders of how absolutely ridiculous things were used to be a source of pain, but now they make me feel better and serve to remind me that I WASN'T and AM NOT NOW crazy. 

[Father5]

I got one a few weeks ago also.


"You would always talk to yourself" 

[LBS_Les]

Oooooo FUN!

• I have been in pain and lonely in our marriage for years.  I left emotionally long before I left physically (she said I was her soulmate literally 3 months before that)
• I dont want to change my behaviour and make myself feel horrible, to make you feel better
• This isn't about anyone else but me, I chose to be selfish (when caught cheating)
• I want Freedom, I want independence
• I dont believe in reporting my whereabouts to anyone.  Im 40 years old and I dont want to feel like Im owned (In response to me always asking her to let me know what time she's working until since I was always making dinner because she was "working late".  She would never text to say "Hey, I know I said Im going to be here until 6, but its looking more like X time" - it was a constant battle between us for months leading to BD)
• I'm not letting go of hope that we aren't over for good.  We have so many years left to live
• We should separate for a few years and then maybe try dating each other
• I had to leave because my soul was dying, I was dying
• I absorb other peoples energy and its exhausting.  Since I left, I go to bed with peace and wake up with gratitude
• I dont want divorce, we just need to separate
• I dont want to make a decision about divorcing right now, its just a huge thing to decide