[Treasur]

Having refused to talk to me for weeks/months at a time and about a year after filing for divorce, he sent the police round to check 'I was ok bc he was so worried' when i ignored his text message/rants for 3 days (I'd actually gone away and left my phone at home)......and he saw nothing weird or hypocritical in that 

Oh, and he popped up about 6 months after filing for divorce and then ignoring both his L and mine lol (standard MLC divorce  ) with a suggestion that he had now decided that we should chat every day on the phone at 1830...for 30 mins...as long as we didn't talk about anything 'difficult'. And then was rather shocked when I said no thank you  .....full of hurt puzzlement, asked why not bc he thought it would be a good idea (not sure why lol, he never said)....when I said that as we were divorcing the time for useful talking had passed so i assumed we would never talk again...his response? He 'refused to accept my paradigm'  ....a ridiculously pompous a$$hat moment  (and yet I was quite right as it turned out lol)

Anyone else have moments when they said 'we've' discussed something....about a conversation that never actually happened? That didn't feel like intentional gaslighting but that he genuinely believed he'd/we'd had?  I got used to the fact that my then h had either a) had a conversation with me in his head but forgotten to actually involve me lol or b) had talked about me rather than to me with someone else...psychiatrist, ow, whoever.. which I was supposed to magically mind read  ......very WTF though 

Yup, remembering some of the WTF pure nuts stuff can be a useful reminder that it really was never our nuts 
And detachment does help you see the sheer ridiculous nonsense of some of these WTF moments once they no longer hurt in the way they did at the time 

[Ready2Transform]

Anyone else have moments when they said 'we've' discussed something....about a conversation that never actually happened? That didn't feel like intentional gaslighting but that he genuinely believed he'd/we'd had?  I got used to the fact that my then h had either a) had a conversation with me in his head but forgotten to actually involve me lol or b) had talked about me rather than to me with someone else...psychiatrist, ow, whoever.. which I was supposed to magically mind read  ......very WTF though 

You better believe it. That was maddening.

I listened to too much Duran Duran.  What can I say, I wanted to find an "Ordinary World"!!!  He also wanted to leave me so "You would know that you could live on your own."  I'd been the breadwinner for years at this point and had no doubt I could be on my own, just no desire. Ironically (or not), he's not lived on his own this whole time.

[Nas]

There’s NO SUCH THING as listening to too much Duran Duran. Period.

[Treasur]

And I think all sensible LBS eventually long for 'An Ordinary World' 

[Father5]

HAHA Hungry like the wolf !

[Disillusioned]

OMG!!!!  HUGE DURANIE here!!!  Reading Andy Taylor's book right now, coincidentally.

Last May, STBXW filed for divorce after telling me that she was ready to return to mediation.  We had actually signed a document agreeing to mediation and not to make any unilateral decisions without first notifying the other person.  Well, MLC, right?  So, I run out and get an attorney, because I feel like I need to protect myself.  Months go by, and no one mentions it and nothing moves forward.  I tell my attorney to sit tight, like a good Stander    Finally, my IC says that we are repeating a pattern of not addressing things and suggest I discuss it with STBXW. (My IC not a big follower of HS  )  So, I call STBXW and say, after expressing my dismay that we are horrid co-parents, "I guess by now you know I got an attorney?"

W:  Yes.  And I felt attacked and betrayed.
Dis:    YOU felt attacked and betrayed?
W:  Yes.  You should have known I wouldn't file for D without telling you.
Dis:  You DID file for D without telling me.  And you LIED before doing it!
W:  You should have known me better.
Dis:  W, I don't know you at all anymore.

She kept going around about how I should have known she wouldn't file for D without first telling me.  It was bizarre.  She then blamed the third party court watching company that monitors the Superior court in our area that informed me, on my anniversary no less, that she had filed for D.  As though they had something to do with her lying and filing.  This was one of many crazy moments.

Here's a secret:  I've practiced unconditional love, standing, Rejoice Marriage Ministries and praying to God for two years now and I still love her.  It's almost like nothing that has gone on phases me, even though THAT feels absolutely crazy.

Even as I am responding to her recent settlement proposal, I feel more sad than angry.   

[Treasur]

Dis, I remember my xh complaining to me that HE was finding the divorce process so stressful that it was making HIS depression much worse.....any third party listening would have assumed that I was the one who had left HIM and that I had filed for divorce...it all seemed to come as a bit of a surprise to him that if you file for a divorce y'know there is paperworks, lawyers and a process  Not only was he angry about the process but he blamed a bunch of things on his L and claimed to never be informed or involved in or have even read letters that HIS L sent out on HIS behalf....and then he was even more angry that nobody including me was sympathetic about how difficult and stressful it all was for him 

It was crazymaking stuff. And tbh, much as I loved my h, it was all so exhaustingly crazymaking that in the end I just wanted it all done and behind me.....

[Ready2Transform]

I love you guys. Dis, Andy's book is amazing. Far juicier than John's, unfortunately. I just finally read it a few weeks ago, and I was disappointed he didn't go into more depth. Fingers crossed the other three eventually have tell alls (or with Nick, it will be an interactive photo book. ).

Oh, and mine has never said the word "divorce" in nine years, even though we *are* divorced. Back then he referred to it as "all this". As in, at our divorce, he said, "I'm sorry about...all this." Oh, and during the hearing when our lawyers left the room for a few minutes, he sat all glum, so I asked what was on his mind (expecting to hear some pontificating about what just happened) and he said he was thinking about our dead cat. 

[Nas]

John was my Taylor of choice, but I’ll give Andy’s book a read.

My H changed his phone number while I was in the worst of my cancer battle (this after ignoring me for the most part for a year while I did all the D work).

Then he LIED and literally said in an email “I didn’t change my phone number.”
Them blamed it on the fact that his phone had gone through the washing machine the same week his laptop died (which is an excuse he had used for not responding to me about the D...18 months before he used the same excuse for why the lack of communication and why he has a new phone number that he didn’t give to me.

His reasons for never responding to me by email were that:
He rarely checks that account (the only one I have for him so my only way to get in touch with him...but he goes over a year without checking it?)
He can’t email from work and his laptop died
Email is broken on his phone and he can’t fix it (this was pre changing his phone number)
He has to go to the library to check his email (because he can’t check it at work, it’s broken in his phone...and I guess he has no access to the internet in the home he shares with OW and her teenage kids? Yeah.)

[Disillusioned]

Nas - Wasn't John everyone's  Taylor of choice?  Not that Roger was too shabby!     Anyway, already read John's book a long time ago.  Are you following him on YouTube right now?  If not, this is a lot of fun:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjcbWcL6gPc