Author Topic: My Story This learning and growing is exhausting :)  (Read 1119 times)

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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My Story This learning and growing is exhausting :)
« on: May 10, 2019, 06:41:34 AM »
No clue the what number thread I am on, I stopped counting...lol
All I know is that I am still here, still following everybody's life and still loving to be part of this wonderful family aka forum that I was lucky enough to have found so early on.
Next month it will have been 2 years since BD and I have learned so much about MLC, about living in the present and a lot about me.

Quick recap - BD 2017 after 17 years after H's father died and financial difficulties crept up and then the magical High School Sweetheart from 32 years ago contacted him and H just send a text that he couldn't help his feelings and needed a break. A month later he said he doesn't need any more time he is seeing somebody else. Four months later he said only time would tell if we are over and done for good. After that turned into a vanisher with minimal contact only on Thanksgiving, Christmas and birthday. After 18 months his contact became different somewhat by forming complete sentences and actually using names and also contacted me randomly. Last week he asked instead of attending a retirement dinner if I would want to talk and have drinks that evening instead. I had already made plans so I replied that I couldn't that particular evening but any other time I was all in - his pouty reply: well, some other time then.

Secretly I have been waiting for another little meltdown to come, but weirdly I am okay. Actually, better than okay - while I still feel a tiny twinge of regret that I didn't change my plans that evening, I have gained some confidence over the last few days. If I really think about it, Kanvan had it right all along (not that I ever doubted her). Maybe I am the price. Maybe he should actually be the one pursuing me and not the other way around.  He had it all and just didn't realize it.   




Previous Thread https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10737.150
Me 52
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: This learning and growing is exhausting :)
« Reply #1 on: May 10, 2019, 07:01:47 AM »
Attaching....

and, yes, you are the prize in this situation... HE needs to do the work if he wants you back, NOT the other way around...
Me - 54
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline FearNot

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Re: This learning and growing is exhausting :)
« Reply #2 on: May 10, 2019, 07:04:50 AM »
Hugs! You have come so far S66! Meltdowns are going to happen, at the time you feel pretty weak, but there's a strength that comes from it in the days to follow and what strength you have shown!
M 46
H 40
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline One day at a time

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Re: This learning and growing is exhausting :)
« Reply #3 on: May 10, 2019, 08:38:46 AM »
Secretly I have been waiting for another little meltdown to come, but weirdly I am okay. Actually, better than okay - while I still feel a tiny twinge of regret that I didn't change my plans that evening, I have gained some confidence over the last few days. If I really think about it, Kanvan had it right all along (not that I ever doubted her). Maybe I am the price. Maybe he should actually be the one pursuing me and not the other way around.  He had it all and just didn't realize it.   
And isn't this something?  ;)
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H is with OW in her home country  - 3rd June 2019

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline Music45

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Re: This learning and growing is exhausting :)
« Reply #4 on: May 11, 2019, 03:25:36 AM »
Following along, Schratz. You sound really good.  :D
Me: 50
H: 51
S:26 D:19 [They're his kids. I'm Step Mum. They both live with us - though D at Uni]
BD: April 2016
Many false returns.
Effectively moved out Nov 2017 [works away from home. Home occasional weekends]
Moved out full time: July 2018 after he renewed contact with OW.
OW: old school friend lives 200+ miles away. No idea of current status of this relationship.

Offline Thunder

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Re: This learning and growing is exhausting :)
« Reply #5 on: May 11, 2019, 05:23:20 AM »
Welcome to your new thread, S.

I really think it was good you had plans that night and didn't change them for him.  You did the right thing.
If he wants to meet with you he can make the effort again.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Mortesbride

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Re: This learning and growing is exhausting :)
« Reply #6 on: May 12, 2019, 09:01:59 AM »
Sup.  8)
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: This learning and growing is exhausting :)
« Reply #7 on: May 13, 2019, 04:40:26 PM »

Maybe I am the price. Maybe he should actually be the one pursuing me and not the other way around.  He had it all and just didn't realize it.   


No maybe about it at all. You are the prize. And deep down, he knows it too.
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Schratz66Topic starter

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Re: This learning and growing is exhausting :)
« Reply #8 on: May 14, 2019, 11:04:27 AM »
Well, it's been a week and of course I haven't hurt another word from Mr Talk and Drinks :)
D and the grandratties are here and I am enjoying every minute of it.
There's nothing like laying sideways on a kingsize bed with your D and just chit chat about everything and nothing.

My new ritual is each evening after my prayers I list three things that I am grateful for that day and it has made a difference.
I indeed have so much to be grateful for and it his the MLC that is truly losing out.

No new prospects on the new job search, but I don't do quite as much lurking at work any more. If I run into him, I will handle it, but it's better than being a nervous wreck all day long.
If a new job is meant for me, it will come along and if not that's okay, too.








 
Me 52
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: This learning and growing is exhausting :)
« Reply #9 on: May 14, 2019, 12:07:55 PM »
I like the counting blessings thing. I used to journal them daily but stopped. I think I shall start again. Thanks for the positive influence!   

I remember last year my H wanted to "talk" and do lunch/dinner/whatever and could never pull the trigger. It's like they know what they want, just can't seem to get there. Makes us stronger indeed. You sound so good.
« Last Edit: May 14, 2019, 12:09:21 PM by KeepItTogether »
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

 

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