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Author Topic: Discussion She filed

D
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Discussion She filed
#130: May 08, 2020, 08:11:10 AM
Well, today would be (is) our 16th wedding anniversary.   :-[

It's taking every fiber in my being not to address it.  :-X

Our first court date this past Wednesday was postponed due to the virus.

Neither of us have said a word about it, despite the fact we've had several friendly conversations lately.  I know those occurrences confuse my D9 when she observes them.   :(

This whole thing is so damaging and pointless.
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M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.
Elephant in the room has been addressed.  No further action atm.  Weighing my options.
12/16/19  She files financial paperwork.  Divorce proceeding.

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Re: She filed
#131: May 08, 2020, 08:39:04 AM
Stay strong Dis.

If she acknowledges it, I would then suggest mirroring what she does.
Usually these anniversaries mean nothing to these MLCer's.  :-\  Or they don't want to be reminded of them.
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

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She filed
#132: May 09, 2020, 04:21:17 PM
Hello,

I totally feel your pain and frustration. I agree with Thunder not to acknowledge the anniversary. Often it is a meaningless date to them and reminding them only brings guilt and anger from them.

Quote
This whole thing is so damaging and pointless.

Divorce is like a bad car crash, I know very few people who ever want to be in one, but they happen often and they are just as damaging and pointless.

((((Be strong)))) and love your little girl with all your heart,

Ready

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D
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She filed
#133: May 22, 2020, 10:54:41 AM
Well, my attorney informed me this morning she received a settlement offer.   :-[

Yesterday, when I picked up D9, she told me "Mommy is thinking of buying the house."  They had spent a while that morning going over all the changes they were going to be making to the interior and the exterior.  I have asked several times that W not have these types of conversations with D9. 

I just don't know what to say to this person anymore.  We've been together 20 years, separated for two of those.  I still love her.  I  don't have words to express myself at the moment...

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M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.
Elephant in the room has been addressed.  No further action atm.  Weighing my options.
12/16/19  She files financial paperwork.  Divorce proceeding.

M
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She filed
#134: May 23, 2020, 05:47:53 AM
Hello Dis, Just writing to send support and say I am sorry.  I read back a bit on your thread and see that it was about a year ago she actually filed.  Something about May and your anniversary month. I also noticed that D8 at the time mentioned her M wanted to buy you out.  It does not make it any easier, but from afar, interesting to see cycles.  With the passage of time we try to forget the reality and then surprise, a settlement offer or something to that effect.  Feels like a knife. 

 I don't know if you want the house as well, and whether under state law you have any grounds to make a counter offer for the house, especially as she is still living there.  But, don't let your love or the memory of love prevent you from advocating for what you need or what you believe is best for you and D9.  And boundaries- like discussing with D9- not fair,  and I'm not so good at boundaries either. But, if you feel strongly, either ask your attorney to intervene and say the strong words or you do as well. You may want to make your daughter feel better, if you want the house, to tell her that no matter who has the house, it will always be there for her. Breaks your own rule about discussing issues with your D, but ... may make her feel better ... and could open up discussion with W about boundaries and appropriate discussions. Just a thought.  Take care.
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BD and moved out 9/2017
M 30 years at BD, together 34

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She filed
#135: May 23, 2020, 06:22:50 AM
Hello,

I am sorry this happened to you. It seems that they are so content and happy to move forward without any regard to anyone else. My ex was so happy to give me a hug goodbye as she drove away to her new life in Washington, "Who knows, maybe we will get back together again." Those were her last words to me.

I don't know why she said that to me because I knew she had no intention of being with me or coming back at all. That was 2013. It wasn't until 2019 that she called and let me know that she was sorry and that I was a good husband and father. In fact she said she compared all the men she had dated to me and not one came close.

So the best thing you can do is just be you and not to let your STBX's bad behavior determine your behavior. Now is a time to reassure your daughter that things may change but the one constant will be that you will always be there for her and that your love for her will never end.

You are an incredible father and I do see a promising future for you. And if things get really bad, after the divorce is settled, buy your daughter a pony and drop it off at the house. Your ex will never get over that!

((((Ready))))
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She filed
#136: May 23, 2020, 08:12:32 AM
And if things get really bad, after the divorce is settled, buy your daughter a pony and drop it off at the house. Your ex will never get over that!

LOL... thanks for the idea...my G12 actually asked today "why can't we have a horse of our own" (she goes at nearby ranch once a week)...  Indeed, why not, if STBXW buys me out (as she plans).

Alvin.
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Together - 20½ Years, Married 19 Years
Me: 43, W: 41 (Acts 20-25) - a low energy live-in wallower
BD ("I don't love you"): Feb 2019, 
BD2 ("I don't want to fix this marriage."... D filed May 2020
Kids (at time of BD): G19,G18,G14,G12,S5

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