Author Topic: Discussion She filed  (Read 1141 times)

Offline megogirl

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Discussion Re: She filed
« Reply #70 on: June 14, 2019, 06:06:35 PM »
I understand and feel the pain. My ex was so proud when she announced in marriage counseling that she had filed. I think that was when I just threw in the towel and my stand was over.

Pardon if I'm butting in, but @ Ready why were you both in marriage counseling if she had already filed?
« Last Edit: June 14, 2019, 06:08:12 PM by megogirl »

Offline One day at a time

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Re: She filed
« Reply #71 on: June 15, 2019, 02:31:04 AM »
I get so concerned in my own headspace that I live in an MLC fantasy zone where I refuse to accept reality and keep looking for those little MLC signposts instead of just acknowledging that this woman fell out of love with me, fell in love with someone else, and she just handled the end of our marriage in a spectacularly poor fashion.  It gets very frustrating.
THIS! Exact same conundrum for me... I just back from spending a week with a friend.. After talking about the situation for a few days she said she feels like I'm still very invested in my relationship with H and that I need to accept he's gone. (She said it in a loving way but the message was essentially that) My first reaction was "She doesn't understand"... but is she wrong? Am I living in a fantasy where I still think there's hope where in reality there is none? Would I be better off cutting down my loses and accept H and I are over forever? How would a conflict avoidant person end the marriage "properly"? What needed to be different for me to see this as a "normal" breakup? His behavior is still out of character but his life has also been blown up (his own decision) and maybe he's just experiencing new things he didn't get to try before?  A lot of headspace used up with these never ending questions  :-[
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline Treasur

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Re: She filed
« Reply #72 on: June 15, 2019, 02:50:26 AM »
One Day and Dis
I think peace comes when you find a way to accept BOTH truths rather than an either/or?
Right now, your spouse IS gone and your old marriage is over. MLC might explain why and all the crazy stuff but it doesn't change what is real now. Same for all of us.
And
If it is MLC, you don't know what the future will bring but you can take comfort in the reality that this is someone else's crisis and never was about you, nor could you stop it happening.
It is your choice if you want to shut the door firmly or leave it open a little. Jmo.
« Last Edit: June 15, 2019, 02:51:33 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Online readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: She filed
« Reply #73 on: June 15, 2019, 06:05:52 AM »
Hello,

Quote
I understand and feel the pain. My ex was so proud when she announced in marriage counseling that she had filed. I think that was when I just threw in the towel and my stand was over.

Pardon if I'm butting in, but @ Ready why were you both in marriage counseling if she had already filed?

We were at our counseling session doing our normal thing, when she looked at both of us and said, "I just want you to know I got an attorney and filed for divorce."

That's how I found out I was being divorced.

The marriage counselor looked at both of us and said, "This changes everything."

Really? very astute comment, Captain Obvious.

(((Ready)))))
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