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Author Topic: Discussion She filed

D
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Discussion Re: She filed
#90: December 18, 2019, 01:53:08 PM
Big hugs to you. You didn't do anything wrong. This has to do with your former spouse's mind, heart, and spirit. Not yours.

Velika,

Thank you for this.  I had to hold back tears when I read it.  No matter how many times you hear it, with all the gaslighting we endure as LBS's, it's difficult to fully grasp it.  And, I was by no means perfect. I've definitely had to own that.  But, I was faithful, no addictions, a hard worker, and put up with a lot from her dysfunctional family.  I loved her.  And I guess I still do. 
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M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.
Elephant in the room has been addressed.  No further action atm.  Weighing my options.
12/16/19  She files financial paperwork.  Divorce proceeding.

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Re: She filed
#91: December 18, 2019, 02:03:14 PM
HI DIS,

   You are not alone my friend ! I am in the same spot, my wife hasn't filed her paperwork yet either and it keeps me clinging. We raised five kids together 2 of our own and they are getting put through the ringer.

 So sorry you are dealiung with all of this, keep your chin up
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Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

D
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Re: She filed
#92: December 18, 2019, 02:42:29 PM
HI DIS,

   You are not alone my friend ! I am in the same spot, my wife hasn't filed her paperwork yet either and it keeps me clinging. We raised five kids together 2 of our own and they are getting put through the ringer.

 So sorry you are dealiung with all of this, keep your chin up

Thank you Father.  I know you understand.  My heart goes out to you, as well.
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M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.
Elephant in the room has been addressed.  No further action atm.  Weighing my options.
12/16/19  She files financial paperwork.  Divorce proceeding.

b
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Re: She filed
#93: December 23, 2019, 04:57:46 PM
Disillusioned, I'm sorry for all you've endured to this point.  I also know that while this is not the outcome you'd been hoping for, that life does go on and can be much better, if you so choose.  The bottom line is that her crisis is her responsibility and your healing from the fallout is yours.
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Re: She filed
#94: December 23, 2019, 07:41:05 PM
Hello,

I was so sad to read your news. You are a good man and you need to focus on your daughter. She is the true love in your life and she needs you strong.

I can't tell you what to do, but with freedom, you can make the choice of what you want. Once the divorce goes through, she is not your problem. The connection is gone and it was something she did. Can't come back and blame you, can she?

I was like you, I did my job. Worked hard, came home, made dinner, was the Dad, and I never cheated, gambled, or had addictions either. Just liked being the family man.

Yet, she found someone online. Her "soulmate". The perfect man. I was left behind. However, I managed to survive and now I am in a new relationship and enjoying my life. You can do the same. Make sure to treat the divorce as a business deal. Don't feel sorry for her or give into her demands. You have rights and make sure you don't get run over by her and her pursuit of happiness.

Have a wonderful time with your daughter for the holidays.

Merry Christmas and Hugs,

((((Ready))))
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"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

D
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Re: She filed
#95: January 28, 2020, 07:43:05 PM
Hey everyone. Quick update on my non thread thread. Looks like I'm in for a standard mlc divorce. My attorney called me today and said she's never seen a divorce request what my MLCW'S attorney is requesting unless there's a huge amount of money involved. And that is definitely not the case here. After just saying she wanted this to be amicable a few days ago, I am learning that not only are they doing a thorough investigation into my finances, I am going to be deposed by her attorney. My attorney, who has been in family law for 30 years, is incredulous. Of course, with her surprise, comes the comment "This is going to cost a lot more money."  So, we've gone from a $3,500 do-it-yourself mediation, to W filing for divorce behind my back with this attorney, and coming at me with all guns blazing.    :-[

I've been trying, and trying, to do what I think God was asking me to do. I've tried to be friendly, fair, and be a lighthouse. I've been very flexible with many custody related issues that I disagreed with, because I chose D9's wellbeing over anger and resentment.   But, I honestly don't know how I'm going to proceed forward in this manner any longer.  I fear this is going to get ugly, and expensive. 

Anyway, I just needed to vent real quick.  Thanks.
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M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.
Elephant in the room has been addressed.  No further action atm.  Weighing my options.
12/16/19  She files financial paperwork.  Divorce proceeding.

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Re: She filed
#96: January 28, 2020, 07:56:52 PM
HUGS!! Know that you will get through this. I consider a lot of what they do during divorce to be "legal abuse", to be honest. Seems like there's no shortage of attorneys willing to let the hours tally up, even knowing it's pointless. Emotionalize as little of it as you can (though I know how hard that is). Impossible to believe our spouses turn into this, but accept it (for now) and get to the end of this particular battle. You'll heal. I promise that. But it's a trial - in more ways than one.
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"Unconditional love is the highest of high standards, and while we are letting go of our need to control the process of anyone else, we are taking within our lives complete accountability for our own experience."

http://seriousvanity.com/how-to-cultivate-unconditional-love-and-change-the-world/

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Re: She filed
#97: January 28, 2020, 08:32:01 PM
Stand firm in what you know is right for you and your daughter. There is no way to reason with them.  Eventually, peace will return as you realize that you have done absolutely everything you could.

Let her go. Let God heal her.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Re: She filed
#98: January 29, 2020, 02:46:22 AM
R2T has it right. Sounds like STBXW has hired an ambulance chaser for a lawyer who is racking up as many hours as possible.

Once it is all over though, STBXW will be the one on the short end of the stick and will get to live with the consequences of her actions. You'll have to deal with some as well unfortunately but we are just collateral damage in their scorched earth minds....

They can investigate all they wish. If there is nothing hidden, they will find that.. well... there is nothing hidden...

You may wish to enquire if you can recover some of your extra legal costs that are being incurred due to STBXW's actions, especially as you had an agreement and a non-contested D initially...

From here on out though, it is just business... Put on the Michael Corleone hat....
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« Last Edit: January 29, 2020, 02:47:31 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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T
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Re: She filed
#99: January 29, 2020, 06:53:26 AM
You know how when you get your oil changed and they try to tell you need a coolant flush or an air filter?  My Lawyer tried to do that to me.  W gave me just about everything in the settlement agreement and my lawyer was like "are you sure this a good deal?  You can probably get her retirement, too"

Sounds like your W was susceptible to the upsell and you will have to pay the price. 

You can always make more money, keep doing right by yourself and your daughter.
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