Author Topic: My Story Contact Continues  (Read 2142 times)

Offline YellowroseoftexasTopic starter

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My Story Contact Continues
« on: May 14, 2019, 04:19:07 PM »
I can't believe this is my second thread.  Can someone link previous thread (is that what it called??????). 

Acorn I didn't see husband sharing the horrific abuse as action.  It was so strange because we were talking about light conversation and than he shared his story. 

Milly thank you for the encouragement.  I had stopped updating because there's not a lot to share.  Husband was here for D20's birthday party on April 20th. He stayed 3 1/2 hours. We're definitely comfortable around each other. 

I have a male friend from a Standers group that had a MLC and had an affair.  He went behind his wife's back and filed for divorce.  HE HATED HIS WIFE and the OW was encouraging it.  Now he realizes what a mess he made and its hurting him to his core.  But she will not let him into her life.  I asked him why, why throw away your family.  He had a lot of insight and did not deflect and blame.  Very interesting stuff. 

Previous Thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10633.msg725491 - UM
« Last Edit: May 15, 2019, 04:50:36 AM by UrsaMajor »
Married 21 years
Bomb 💣 Drop O7-2014
Husband Left 09-2014
Divorce 2015
S26; D22; D19
No contact 2015-2018
Contact and Positive communication-01-2019
Unsure if he’s dating
******************************
“I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,          
When Sorrow walked with me.”
Robert Browning Hamilton

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #1 on: May 15, 2019, 04:51:50 AM »
I linked your previous thread and am following along...
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online Whyus

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #2 on: May 15, 2019, 05:54:05 AM »
Following along Tex, this should be an interesting Thread, I hope that your H keeps up the contact but please have no expectations and protect your heart.
You do not want to be a puddle on the Floor again!
He does Sound promising though  :)
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 46
W: 46 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 31) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept/Tolerate them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline Schratz66

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #3 on: May 15, 2019, 07:38:32 AM »
Still following along
Me 52
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline Anjae

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #4 on: May 15, 2019, 01:03:45 PM »
Welcome to your new thread, Yellowrose.

I think I understand why Acorn's sees your husband's sharing the abuse story as action. It is talking, but it also doing something more than just talking. He is proving insight into his most intimate issues.

What was the insight your male friend who had a MLC had? Did he shared why he hated his wife? Most people don't take MLCer, or other types of cheaters, back. No surprise there.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline RedStar

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #5 on: May 15, 2019, 01:28:00 PM »
What was the insight your male friend who had a MLC had? Did he shared why he hated his wife?

I would be more interested in why, how, and when he stopped hating her (and when and why he wanted her back).

These things are just so strange and mysterious eh?

And Yellow, sounds like you are doing well--glad you're getting what seem like positive signs.

Offline One day at a time

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #6 on: May 15, 2019, 01:49:45 PM »
Following along Yellow!
H - 42 (40 @BD1)
M - 42 (40 @BD1)
Together 15 years, M 8 @separation
No kids
BD1 - 26th Aug 2017 (Not happy, life has no purpose, "we have problems")
BD2 - 22nd March 2018 (Marriage is over, we want different things, confessed EA with someone 12,000 kms away although "she means nothing")
H moved in with parents 11th May 2018 (I asked him to leave as couldn't handle the EA rubbed all over my face)
H moved abroad 29th Dec 2018, not sure if OW will join him or if they are still in contact.
Confirmation H and OW are together, presume PA  - 3rd June 2019

"One of the happiest moments in life is when you find the courage to let go of what you can’t change"

Offline YellowroseoftexasTopic starter

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2019, 05:22:09 PM »
Red Star I had lots of questions for my friend, let's call him........Fred. 

My question was why did he have an affair.  He said he felt neglected.  It started as an emotional affair that turned physical.  He thought wife was a bad mom and didn't deserve HIS kids.  The OW was going to be their mom.  His wife went out of town for a weekend.  While she was gone Fred took all the kids furniture and other stuff.  Than he went and filed for divorce without her knowledge. Thinking he was justified he planned a life with kids and OW .  The OW was there every step of the way.  He realized after filing for the divorce he had made a mistake but it was too late.  His wife refused to cancel (??) the divorce.  She's moved on with another man and now he's a stander. 

I'll have to ask what happened with the OW.  I wanted to know how he could throw it all away.  He has given me a lot of insight into my husband's mind.  It uncanny how our situations mimic each other. Including the same type of OW.
Married 21 years
Bomb 💣 Drop O7-2014
Husband Left 09-2014
Divorce 2015
S26; D22; D19
No contact 2015-2018
Contact and Positive communication-01-2019
Unsure if he’s dating
******************************
“I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,          
When Sorrow walked with me.”
Robert Browning Hamilton

Offline YellowroseoftexasTopic starter

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #8 on: May 16, 2019, 11:45:55 AM »
I'll post more info from Fred later. 

I THINK my heart is guarded.  Husband said something that was slightly hurtful.  He told my girls 'I will always love YROT she's the mother of my children'.  So I guess I'm in the mom role and not woman role.  Maybe I'm over analyzing it????????? But I do not see it as a positive. 



Married 21 years
Bomb 💣 Drop O7-2014
Husband Left 09-2014
Divorce 2015
S26; D22; D19
No contact 2015-2018
Contact and Positive communication-01-2019
Unsure if he’s dating
******************************
“I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,          
When Sorrow walked with me.”
Robert Browning Hamilton

Offline In the valley

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #9 on: May 16, 2019, 12:44:20 PM »
Yellow,
You're a member of a standers group?  Is it on line or in person? I'm curious where / how did you find that?  Following along as well.
M39, W38, D16, S14, S13 at BD. 20yr together married 18
Said I love you every night before bed good physical R
8/31/17 filed for D, left papers at house for me to find. Didn't come home or answer phone.
Moved to her parents house 2 doors down.
9/15/17 discover OM and PA she had the night of BD.
OM 12yr older unemployed in NY city met online leaving to marry him.  Said "I've done things for others my whole life time for me to do something for me", "I deserve to do what makes me happy!"
10/31/2017 left for good.
D final 12/21/2017
Returned once 3/28/18 to visit family.
Convinced D to leave and live with her 6/4/2018
Boys both live with me don't talk to mom.

 

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