Author Topic: My Story Contact Continues  (Read 3996 times)

Offline Milly

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My Story Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #40 on: August 13, 2019, 10:59:29 AM »
Yellow, church, home, with a little shopping sounds perfect to me! Shame you're not a man!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline YellowroseoftexasTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #41 on: August 13, 2019, 04:36:59 PM »
Learning to count my blessings Milly. 

Read a fairly new lbs post and it brought all the memories back. I'm coming up on my bomb drop date, September 2014. Usually send me cycling and in a dark place.  This year I'm in a better space.  I often wonder if this is 'it' will it be enough.  I'm not sure. 



Married 21 years
Bomb 💣 Drop O7-2014
Husband Left 09-2014
Divorce 2015
S26; D22; D19
No contact 2015-2018
Contact and Positive communication-01-2019
Unsure if he’s dating
******************************
“I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,          
When Sorrow walked with me.”
Robert Browning Hamilton

Offline YellowroseoftexasTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #42 on: August 24, 2019, 10:09:57 AM »
Approaching the anniversary of husband BD. He left a couple of days after USA Labor Day. I struggle so much. Thinking back to 2014, BD Day and everything I went through. It's hard, so hard. 

After 5 years I'm stronger, but still hurt so much. Does the pain every really go away? Was all the destruction worth it? Just so sad, angry, hurt, discouraged and afraid this is 'it'.  Maybe it's a pity party day, AND I HATE PITY PARTY TIME.

Husband is still around and we are talking, we'll, he's talking and sharing. But I'm still so very sad. I miss being treated like a woman. I'm always surprised when a man hold the door for me because I assume no one can see me.  The totally invisible woman. 

I need you guys today.......just so........tired and heartbroken.  Please.........
Married 21 years
Bomb 💣 Drop O7-2014
Husband Left 09-2014
Divorce 2015
S26; D22; D19
No contact 2015-2018
Contact and Positive communication-01-2019
Unsure if he’s dating
******************************
“I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,          
When Sorrow walked with me.”
Robert Browning Hamilton

Offline Nas

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #43 on: August 24, 2019, 12:51:06 PM »
I’m so sorry, Yellowrose.
My BD was not around Labor Day, but this Labor Day weekend is the 5 year anniversary of when H and OW first started up their fakebook messages that quickly turned into an affair.

Anniversaries are hard. I’m glad you are having some good communication that will hopefully help you look ahead to what good the future might hold, rather than thinking only if the past pain.
I don’t think the LBS will ever forget all that happens, but there are some great examples on this forum that show the pain does subside and the memories won’t always sting so badly.

Sending you good vibes.

Offline Treasur

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #44 on: August 24, 2019, 12:55:55 PM »
Yellow rose, you know that we know how this is and that we are sending you all the hugs in our HS toolbox. You know too that this will pass; it always does. Or it fades back a bit anyway. And you know too to go back to basics....remind yourself of all the things you have done, all the things that have been valuable to you in the last few years regardless of your h's behaviour, breathe, do small things that comfort your body and soul, spend time with people who show you that you matter to them x
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Milly

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #45 on: August 24, 2019, 04:01:47 PM »
Oh, Yellow, I'm so sorry you are getting flash backs of pain now that you face your BD anniversary. This happens to me at the time of BD and my IC always points it out to me. I mean that I get very low around the BD date even though I had almost forgotten it and thought it was no longer a big deal because I've faced so much these past 5 years. I think your body still holds bruises from BD. As Treasur said, it will pass. Yellow, nothing will be as bad as BD. Maybe you are feeling vulnerable right now because your H has been communicating and your body is scared to face that pain again. Like having a PTSD episode. Just breathe, get some chamomile tea, distract yourself in some manner, and get to tomorrow.

Big hugs, Milly, xxxx
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #46 on: August 24, 2019, 05:07:54 PM »
Hi Yellow. What you said about bring invisible really resonated with me. I feel the same way. And I miss my H looking at me like a woman too. The thing that gets me through it though is knowing that these mlcers are truly not right in the head. And though they might have or have had a companion for a time (some ongoing), it isn’t the same as the R WE had with them. Bc they are changed. They are in such a depression that they are not capable of the mature and true intimacy shared by equals who fell in love under normal circumstances. Not bc they are running, avoiding, blaming, destroying. I know you know all this but it helps me to remember it too. Your H talking to you now, albeit not the same way he did before, is really a positive. He is massively damaged but it does seem he’s trying. Which is quite extraordinary.

But also, this will pass. I’m sorry you are feeling sad. Unfortunately it comes with the territory. Feeling sad and missing our mlcers is a good thing bc it shows that we are human with an immense ability to love unconditionally. And that kind of love doesn’t just go away. Not even for an mlcer.
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline YellowroseoftexasTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #47 on: August 24, 2019, 08:19:01 PM »
Thank you. Small words but BIG meaning. Having people that 'get it' is a blessing. 

Went to a pot luck at church for middle ages members. Had a blast. I'll get through it. What choice do I have?
Married 21 years
Bomb 💣 Drop O7-2014
Husband Left 09-2014
Divorce 2015
S26; D22; D19
No contact 2015-2018
Contact and Positive communication-01-2019
Unsure if he’s dating
******************************
“I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,          
When Sorrow walked with me.”
Robert Browning Hamilton

Offline Milly

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #48 on: August 25, 2019, 03:00:15 AM »
Glad to hear you're fighting back and cycling back up Yellow. We have no choice as you say. Hope you have a peaceful Sunday.xxx
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Contact Continues
« Reply #49 on: August 27, 2019, 06:30:07 AM »
It is somewhat ironic but the "holding the door" thing is something I noticed but on the opposite side.

Our choir is about 60%/40% split between men and women with the higher voices dominating.  Of the men, 2 are divorced (or soon will be - and the one that is is a Mid-Lifer), 2 are happily married, 3 are under the age of 25..... Of the women, there are at least 4 married or in LTR's, one U25 (who has been in an LTR with one of the U25 men), a couple of divorcees, a few that are single, etc.

The reason I found the door thing ironic is that I'm a door holder.... Doesn't matter for who.... But the reactions of the different women was very interesting... the married ones all smiled and said "Thank you," the divorcees were flattered, and the singles seemed embarrassed...

The other thing that I noticed was that, except for one guy (who is the H of one of our Sopranos and was on the trip with us), I didn't see any of the other unmarried guys holding a door for the others.... So maybe I am an anachronism....

Having deviated from the topic at hand, however, the anniversaries have less and less of an effect as time goes by I think... I don't think that it ever totally disappears but it gradually moves from the knife in the heart to the kick in the shins to the step on the toe.....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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