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Author Topic: My Story Contact Continues

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My Story Re: Contact Continues
#30: May 28, 2019, 10:53:36 AM
Husband becomes fixated on stuff/things to keep him from focusing on what really needs to be fix........HIM.  It's a diversion tactic. 

Would say this is what MLCers do. Anything to keep them from focussing on what really matters/needs to be solved, themselves. It may be one of the reasons MLC takes so long, always a new distraction.

Mr J does, or used to do, that thing of being so worried with others situation/relationship. Right before he left, when he already had said the day he was going to leave, he was very, very worried, and trying to fix, a relationship between a couple we knew. They were a younger couple who, essencially, was in the dating phase. Yet, Mr J was talking to bo to try to make it work, etc. Nope, he could not care less about his marriage.

There has been similar things along the years. Not that, so far, it has made much of a difference. Mr J is still in Replay.

Agree with Acorn, sharing thoughs is an action. Right now I don't think your husband can give you much, if anything. He is too broken and probably even has trouble giving himself something.
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Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

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Re: Contact Continues
#31: August 04, 2019, 05:41:43 PM
It's been awhile since I posted.  Milly I have read most of your story. Congrats on your tennis playing son.  Must admit I haven't read the latest updates.  Plan to do that later.

Husband and I are still in contact.  Family get togethers at my house.  I hosted a 23rd birthday party for my daughter.   Lots of food, fun and laughter.  Husband was very playfully teasing me. I THINK he was flirting and I flirted right back.  Very playful.

Apparently husband talked to both daughters about his foo situation. They don't know what to say and asked me to talk to him.  I did.   One sister was diagnosed with Manic-Depression and is a severe horder.  The other sister was diagnosed with Depression and is an alcoholic.  He's it.  Parents are deceased.  Lots of talk about other stuff that was extremely personal.

We found ourselves alone outside away from everyone and he talked and talked and talked.  I extended myself.  I told him he could call me to talk of needed. This was HUGE for me because of fear of rejection.  We shall see if it happens. 

Im interested in hearing from those restored or in the restoration process.  What did it look like? Not sure if we're moving forward or this is it. 

Oh, he bought ME a gift.  Forgot about that. 
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Married 21 years
Bomb 💣 Drop O7-2014
Husband Left 09-2014
Divorce 2015
S27; D23; D20
No contact 2015-2018
Contact and Positive communication-01-2019
Unsure if he’s dating; Unsure if I'm still standing
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“I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,          
When Sorrow walked with me.”
Robert Browning Hamilton

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Re: Contact Continues
#32: August 11, 2019, 04:37:59 AM
Hi Yellow, thanks for the good wishes for my S's tennis!

I'm not in the restoration process as you know so can't give you my personal experience, can only say my view from reading about others these past 5 years. It does sound like your H is making progress towards you and the kids. It's been several months now that he has been moving closer so looks like it's sticking. I think it's wonderful that you were able to celebrate your D's birthday all together. I know that even my D22 who is so angry at her dad, would secretly wish to be able to have special days together.

I also think it's a good sign that he was opening up about his FOO. I have your exact fear of rejection with my H, so I know how hard it was for you to ask him to share with you. So glad he did, both for him and you!

Do you know if there is an OW lurking around? What was the gift, may we know?
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Re: Contact Continues
#33: August 12, 2019, 06:10:53 PM
Milly it was perfume with matching lotion.  Not sure about OW.  He seems to overly open to coming to my house for get togethers.  But after 5 years I'm OK with whatever the future holds.  If all of this didn't break me I can withstand whatever he dishes out.

Funny story time. Last week while showering I was having evil thoughts about husband. I was telling God what should be done about husband. Since God is well, God, I suggested that He should really hurt him and it should be soon.......like.....today.  I was on a roll with suggestions for God.  And in case God was listening to others pray, I was saying it loudly so He and His angels could hear me over everyone else. Next thing I know, I fell COMPLETELY out of my shower and landed birthday suit naked on my bathroom floor.  Totally unharmed.  Needless to say, I apologized to God and His boys (aka angels) and turned running the universe back over to Him. 

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Married 21 years
Bomb 💣 Drop O7-2014
Husband Left 09-2014
Divorce 2015
S27; D23; D20
No contact 2015-2018
Contact and Positive communication-01-2019
Unsure if he’s dating; Unsure if I'm still standing
******************************
“I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,          
When Sorrow walked with me.”
Robert Browning Hamilton

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Re: Contact Continues
#34: August 13, 2019, 01:03:11 AM
The Germans have a saying "The Little Sins are punished immediately"

Sounds like your "slip" was something along those lines like kind of "Hey, I am in charge here and don't you forget it!" At least you didn't get hurt and can sort of laugh about it in retrospect... But I'm willing to bet you won't be talkin' smack to God again for a while....  ;D
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Re: Contact Continues
#35: August 13, 2019, 01:17:40 AM
Funny story, Yellow! I was really into it and thought what is God going to do about her H? Well I guess God gave you a 2X4! Has he been reading HS?

Hope you got all that anger out now and are feeling mellower. It helps to let it out, though. Envious about the gift. It's very personal to give perfume.
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

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Re: Contact Continues
#36: August 13, 2019, 06:28:31 AM
Ursa I'm a slow learner so give it another week and I'm back to talking smack and running the universe. But at least God loves me. 

Oh Milly, I often think when is it my turn to run about and be carefree.  Only worry is me.  But I'm not in crisis so I get to be the adult. 

Anyway, never much happening in my life so won't update for awhile. Must admit I could stand........something........not sure what but..........something. 
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Married 21 years
Bomb 💣 Drop O7-2014
Husband Left 09-2014
Divorce 2015
S27; D23; D20
No contact 2015-2018
Contact and Positive communication-01-2019
Unsure if he’s dating; Unsure if I'm still standing
******************************
“I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,          
When Sorrow walked with me.”
Robert Browning Hamilton

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  • You can't please everyone. You are NOT a pizza!
Re: Contact Continues
#37: August 13, 2019, 06:53:32 AM
Anyway, never much happening in my life so won't update for awhile. Must admit I could stand........something........not sure what but..........something.

You really DO like tempting fate, don't you? <snort>

Many of us are quite content with "quiet" and what some may call "boring." It is when things get "interesting" that we look back and say "Oh, boring was kind of nice...."

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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

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Re: Contact Continues
#38: August 13, 2019, 07:36:32 AM
Ursa you're right.  I hear others talk about their lives and it seems exciting.  My life is work, church, home with a little shopping.  That's it.  But I'm not sure I want much more. 
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Married 21 years
Bomb 💣 Drop O7-2014
Husband Left 09-2014
Divorce 2015
S27; D23; D20
No contact 2015-2018
Contact and Positive communication-01-2019
Unsure if he’s dating; Unsure if I'm still standing
******************************
“I walked a mile with Pleasure;
She chatted all the way;
But left me none the wiser
For all she had to say.

I walked a mile with Sorrow;
And ne’er a word said she;
But, oh! The things I learned from her,          
When Sorrow walked with me.”
Robert Browning Hamilton

N

Nas

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Re: Contact Continues
#39: August 13, 2019, 07:46:18 AM
LOL, YROT, I used to have many loud "conversations" with my H while I was alone in my car driving home from radiation treatment.  If God didn't smite me for some of the venomous things I said, I think you can rest assured you're safe and free to vent here and there.  ;)
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