Author Topic: My Story Standing by a Glacier  (Read 1109 times)

Offline PJ Will Be OKTopic starter

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My Story Re: Standing by a Glacier
« Reply #20 on: May 27, 2019, 09:39:25 PM »
Thanks everyone.

Here's a semi-cheerful note from the GAL department. I think I've mentioned in the past that I'm a poet and novelist. I had started writing a new novel about three years ago, but abandoned it because my brain was too scrambled for me to concentrate enough. I've written some short stories that I feel really good about over the past few years, including three with LBS as the protagonists.

I don't usually write for therapeutic purposes, but I had a painful story in me that I kind of needed to write. It's called The Chrysalis and it's loosely based on my own experiences. It was hard and slow to write and it's not very good, but I am happy to say that it is DONE.

And, I'm now making headway on that novel I had started pre-BD. It is a young adult adventure novel that has absolutely nothing to do with any MLC nonsense. It's tough sledding and I'm still not able to concentrate as well as I did pre-BD, but I'm doing better. Words are being written and chapters are being finished. It's a great diversion from my marriage weirdness - it gives me something to think about at night.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2:  FA
W is still at home but says she's leaving.

Online Whyus

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Re: Standing by a Glacier
« Reply #21 on: May 28, 2019, 01:03:01 AM »
Great to hear that you are writting again, it does help. I have written at least 10 Songs since this BS started, nobody will ever get to hear them (except 1) but they are there and I got some $h!te out of my System. Every Little Thing which will move us Forward, or distract even is a Bonus and a Blessing.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
1 Dogs and a cat.
Own home . Sold!
Divorce Date 21.08.2018
T1  http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8671.0

Offline Silver

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Re: Standing by a Glacier
« Reply #22 on: May 28, 2019, 02:27:19 AM »
PJ, that's just great! Good way to GAL, I am writing a 'book' myself, about MLC experiences, I am not real author though but always loved writing and it's always been the best way to express myself (in my own language of course). It is for me and for my therapy!

Still waiting for that concept album Whyus.
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Acorn

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Re: Standing by a Glacier
« Reply #23 on: May 28, 2019, 06:27:02 AM »
Good for you, PJ, for pursuing writing!

As you know, the first step in GAL is being rid of any expectations that it will fall into your lap and/or stepping away from the defeatist attitude (not that you had it) that you are just not up to it at this moment in your life.  No one, nothing makes you feel ‘up to it’.  Only you can and you have proved that in no uncertain terms!
I’m smiling from ear to ear!  :) :) :)
 
Live-in MLCer
Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Standing by a Glacier
« Reply #24 on: May 28, 2019, 03:52:12 PM »
I’m smiling from ear to ear!  :) :) :)

Me too!  I love a man that’s good with words, go PJ!

Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Standing by a Glacier
« Reply #25 on: May 30, 2019, 01:51:39 PM »
Finished one novel, and now working on completing the next. Well if that isn't GAL at its best, I don't know what is.  Good for you friend!
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline PJ Will Be OKTopic starter

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Re: Standing by a Glacier
« Reply #26 on: June 01, 2019, 04:00:49 PM »
Thanks for the kind words all. Congrats on the novel KIT! WhyUs - it is good to get some of this nonsense out of the system. If anyone wants to read any of my poetry, PM me and I can email you some.

Weird update that's not much of an update: So W initiated a talk today to follow up on our discussion about her “thinking about moving out” last week.

She wanted to talk about less drastic measures than separation to get her some time and space to be alone and to get some rest. She didn’t have any ideas of her own. I did remind her that our S and DIL are getting married in September and will probably move out by then. We would then have a spare room she could do anything she wanted to with. And I suggested they could even move out earlier - with help from us - if it needed to happen for my W’s health. 

W said she didn’t like that idea at all. In fact, she wanted S and DIL to stay with us after the wedding to save up money, maybe until next summer. This was weird, because it implied that W was going to be in the house too. Otherwise, why else would she want the kids to stay with us? I also suggested that we could move people around a bit so I could sleep on the sofa and give her more peace and quiet. She said she didn’t want us to sleep in different beds and she was kind of hurt that I thought about it. She also said that she’s “content” in our house. I asked why she would think about moving out if she was content (dangerous question I immediately regretted!) and she said she didn’t know.

So, nothing has really changed. The glacier moves slowly. Who knows what's in her head? But I don’t think she’s really thinking seriously about moving out at all. After the kids move out, all bets are off. But that may be a while.

I think the kids, especially STBDIL, are a kind of drug for W. As much as she complains about the noise and clutter, spending time with them helps her avoid facing her own internal issues.

I think I’m doing OK overall. I’m visiting my mom, dad and brother in my home state in less than two weeks. I’ll be gone for a week and I have some plans for while I’m there. I’ll have a more interesting update then.
"I'm slowly learning to expect nothing and appreciate everything."

Together 28 years
Two adult kids, ours

BD #1: 2016 - EA
BD #2:  FA
W is still at home but says she's leaving.

Offline Rosetintedglasses

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Re: Standing by a Glacier
« Reply #27 on: June 01, 2019, 05:18:48 PM »
PJ

Your trip to see your parents sounds ideal! Good for you.

Don’t you just love the amount of time they answer ‘I don't know’ to something. So infuriating!

I’d love to read your poetry!
Rose 🌹
Married 15+ years with 2 children
BD1 - 2016
BD2 - 2017
PA with MOW Mar 2016-Jan 2017 then EA
H left home Oct 2017 to stay with his parents
Bought a family Puppy mid 2018 - referred to as ‘P’

Link to advice by my mentor, Phoenix, on what to tell the children about H leaving - reply #33 (it had a glitch)
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=9313.30

Online Treasur

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Re: Standing by a Glacier
« Reply #28 on: June 03, 2019, 06:59:19 AM »
Well if you ever doubted that your w was in crisis, and that it was nothing to do with you, that circular conversation was a classic wasn't it? The 'I want x...but want you to come up with some ideas...which I will then say aren't the ideas I was looking for...'. You seem to be doing well, PJ, and your w is obviously some way from even figuring out what her problem is let alone what she will do to fix it. Glad you have a break coming up though bc it must be tiring to live this way.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Standing by a Glacier
« Reply #29 on: June 03, 2019, 07:19:35 AM »
That kind of "I want you to come up with ideas so I can shoot them down" conversation sounds JUST like my STBXW

STBX: "Let's go out to eat!"
Me: "OK, what sounds good to you?"
"I don't know, you decide."
"Hmmmm ... How about Chinese"
"No, I don't want that tonight"
"OK, how about that new Middle eastern place that everyone raves about."
"No, that doesn't sound good to me either..."
"What DOES sound good?"
"I don't know, you decide..."
"Pizza?"
"No, doesn't do anything for me."
"Thai?"
"Naaaah..."
"African?"
"Is that the place you have to eat with your fingers? That's gross"
"There's that new Steak place that opened recently."
"I'm not eating meat...."
"Hmmmm, I'm kind of running out of options."
"You never have any ideas..."  :o

Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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