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Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#10: May 28, 2019, 08:57:54 AM
OMG such a wonderful, caring group of people you all are........thank you so much!  :-* :-* :-* :-*

S16 has talked to a crisis counselor whom he liked very, very much. He has this man's card in his wallet and he can reach out to him anytime. This man also calls him to check on him. Therapy will be starting soon. My co-workers (firefighter-paramedics) have also closed ranks around him and he is doing ride alongs with the crews which he is also enjoying.

His demeanor has gotten noticeable better this weekend, he is still stressed about school and the bully's there, but he only has a week or so left so I think we can get through. He's not being left alone but not in an obvious way. Lots of hugs, I love you's, and positive comments to him. He has been spending time with is father which has been surprisingly good for both of them.

He has a concert with his half-brother in July and another event with me in June that he's looking forward to, so that's a plus. We are taking a family vacation in July as well with extended family and he is really looking forward to that.

Guns are gone, medication is locked away and doctors visit is coming up.

One interesting comment the crisis counselor made was "Let's get him into a male therapist, he needs a positive male role model in his life right now." Gee, do ya think?  ::)

MLC, the gift that keeps on giving...... :P
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DCD

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#11: May 28, 2019, 09:24:13 AM
Oh wow...just reading your initial post left such an awful pit in my stomach.  I couldn't imagine coming across anything worse and how wonderful that you and your circle closed in so quickly and perfectly.  My close friend at work got a phone call from her son (junior high) telling her that he wasn't going to school so not to worry if the school calls.  She just had a "knowing" and immediately left to go home.  Her son then admitted that he was planning to kill himself and had the plan all laid out.  Like you, she shot into action - this was over a year ago now.  It still leaves me cold to think about it.  He's doing so much better but they are an outdoorsy family and guns, etc... were readily available so those were taken apart and spread out across family and friends.  It's so tough being a teen in this day and age.  Well done!
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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#12: May 28, 2019, 09:36:15 AM
You are amazing in how you´ve intervened. I would imagine that at some point the therapist will seek a joint counseling session with your H and then perhaps H will connect the dots as to how S has been affected. Nothing like a third party to point out the obvious. I´m just sorry that your S reached this point of desperation. S knows without a doubt that you´ve got his back.
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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#13: May 28, 2019, 10:00:03 AM
Sorry Slowfade to read about your son. Nothing will make a mom move faster than a child in distress and you have proven that is true. Sounds like he has your full attention and is surrounded by care and support . Following along with you SF.
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The Journey Of Reconciliation .. is for the brave .

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#14: May 28, 2019, 05:15:04 PM
SF, so glad to hear that things are pretty well controlled currently. It's wonderful that you have such a great village of people looking out for him, including your H. Amazing, isn't it? I will be looking for updates.
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trying2bok

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#15: May 29, 2019, 08:07:55 AM
Thank you DCD, FTT, Barbiedoll and LIAOK.

I was doing a little sunbathing last night and S16 kept pestering me to watch a program that we usually tape and watch at a later time.  The second time he asked, I knew something was up. We got 3/4 of the way through the program and S16 was on his phone and I could tell that he was upset so I asked him what was going on.

Apparently he called out the bully about his behavior and things escalated quickly. My son reminds me of a battered wife and the bully the husband. S16 just wants this friend to back off and this friend is like a shark in the water smelling blood and ramping it up. Another friend came into the group trying to be a peacemaker, telling S16 to get a thicker skin (some truth to that) and basically excusing the bully's behavior as a "boys will be boys" thing. My son was shaking, he had tears in his eyes and his voice was cracking as we were talking about it. He looked like a hunted animal.

I and his father have decided to pull S16 from school for the remainder of the year and have asked to have his assignments and study sheets sent home and to make arrangements for him to take his finals but nothing else. Its interesting to see that S16 has A's and B's in every class EXCEPT the one he has with the bully. In that class he has an F. Very telling I think.

I know that no matter how flat you make a pancake, there are two sides and I'm not under the impression that my son is totally innocent, but when your child says he wants to kill himself because of behavior that has been going on at school I taker it very, very seriously.

Sorry, this isn't a forum for teen suicide but you all are a great support group and I have lots of respect and love for all of you. Thank you for listening....

Hugs ((()))
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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#16: May 29, 2019, 09:38:47 AM
I was bullied in school so I get it. I am glad you are pulling him out for now, but something needs to be done with the administration before next school year. Can you have a meeting with the other boy's parents in attendance?
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trying2bok

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#17: May 29, 2019, 09:45:20 AM
Learning, H is going to contact the offenders parents and give them a head up and maybe get the other side of the situation. Or at least what the offender thinks is the other side.  ::)

Regardless, perception is reality for S16 and he is being tormented.

I just spoke with the principal and assignments and study guides are going to be emailed to me and S16 will only have to go in and take his finals next week. The principal said "depression is hard to deal with." I replied with "So is bullying. Which came first?"  >:(

I'm not going to let them paint this as just a case of teen depression. The bullying needs to be dealt with.  >:(
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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#18: May 29, 2019, 10:12:17 AM
I am so happy that your H is manning up and stepping in. It is good to hear both sides.

I feel the schools let this go on too long with no intervention. I never understood why it is tolerated. I endured my bullying episodes due to one of the school librarians. I would volunteer in the library and she really took a liking to me. She gave me much needed acceptance and a feeling that I was a worthy person.

I made a promise to myself that no one would ever make me feel bad about myself again while still in high school. A promise I felt I broke when MLC rocked my world.  MLC left me feeling less than. I believed it and had to claw my way back out of that hole.

I hope your S figures out that everyone has an opinion about everyone and everything. One of my favorite sayings is from Eleanor Roosevelt "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."
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trying2bok

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#19: May 29, 2019, 10:25:23 AM
It was good to speak with you this morning. Thank you for all that you are doing for S16.!

You mentioned depression and yes, I agree that while undiagnosed, it may be an issue. We will see what his doctor and therapist determine. I also wanted to alert you to the fact that there has also been a substantial amount of bullying and intimidation being done by a certain individual within his group which also has contributed to S16's issues. No physical violence as of yet although S16 is afraid of what this person would do should S16 push back at him.  S16 also does not want to be ostracized by his peers due to the influence of one person so he has been putting up with the abuse for a very long time as he doesn’t want to lose the rest of his friends.

Hard to tell which came first, the chicken or the egg in this situation but the actions of this friend have most definitely brought it to a head.


This is what I wrote to the principal after he suggested it was only an issue of depression. They have no idea who they are dealing with. I've walked through fire and survived.  ;)
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