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Author Topic: My Story Reconnecting Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light

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My Story Reconnecting Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#60: August 20, 2019, 12:50:30 PM
Thank you XYZCF and Serenity.

It was like a huge weight was lifted from my shoulders. It was never about me; I know I was told that over and over but to have confirmation from the source is freeing. He was trying to feel; all the replay was to feel something. Depression is a huge component, at least for my H.

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I do not think my husband can even feel that he cannot fee
I truly think you are right when you say work is your husbands mistress; And yes, he's still trying to feel something. I don't think my H had any great insight, I think it was just me poking and poking after reconnecting for an answer. A fluke on my part.

We all just stumble through this mess. I think we need to hold on to ourselves and make ourselves the first priority. Put your own oxygen mask on first. Make sure your life is taken care of and watch them from a distance. That's just my .02 worth. Its not over when and if they come back......its just the beginning. You need to be strong for when they decide to return because they will have nothing to give you at first.
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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#61: August 20, 2019, 12:59:20 PM
You know how discouraging it gets. So many many years.

I am very glad SlowFade that you have some answers and as I said this helps me as well.

I was telling a new friend some of the things that have happened. She is not connected to the MLC world and is really bright. She listed carefully and at the end she said "there is nothing normal about his behavior".

It was good for me to hear that from fresh eyes...for sometimes he seems "normal" enough yet he continues to act so strangely with me... I am too close to it at times.
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"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see" Hebrews 11:1

"You enrich my life and are a source of joy and consolation to me. But if I lose you, I will not, I must not spend the rest of my life in unhappiness."

" The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it". Flannery O'Connor

https://www.midlifecrisismarriageadvocate.com/chapter-contents.html

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#62: August 20, 2019, 02:03:40 PM
Thank you for the update, Slow Fade.

Agree that your husband is still in MLC.

It can be hard to deal with a totally depressed person.
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Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#63: August 21, 2019, 02:18:14 PM
After bomb drop my wife and I watch some movie which has as main role female actress with borderline threats. And in half of movie she turns to me and trough tears she said "I can't feel anything." When person cries that means she is overwhelmed by feelings, right ? So, in my head huge contradiction appears like WTF is that ? She is crying and stating self that she cannot feel anything. It is mind blowing.

By Conway he seems to me that he is in withdrawal phase of crisis. Good is he communicating with you. Also good thing is like seems he trying to reconnect with son. Does he ask anything about you ? Have any interest in you as human being ?  Is he still like me me me ? In withdrawal phase he should not be like such. Have faith, he is out of tunnel, I believe. What is about his social interactions with friends, relatives ? Is he lack of life energy ?
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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#64: August 21, 2019, 04:08:19 PM
Albatross, he is slowly taking notice of my feelings and preferences, but he is still rather unemotional and flat. He has energy with his roles in work and with his brother, but you can tell that it takes a lot out of him if we have contact for a length of time. He has to work at it.

He is desperate for a relationship with S16, but there has been a lot of damage there. I'm not sure what is going to happen there.

I can see that H is trying. I can also see that it is a monumental effort for him. I think it is the fear of not feeling anything that drives them into a panic and into replay........how awful to not have feelings for anything.......

I will have to look at Conway's steps again. Everything is coming together in hindsight as it often does.

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#65: August 21, 2019, 05:36:14 PM
Yes, the numb thing seems a common thread. Why do they think that blowing up their lives is the solution? Maybe MLC is just another self-medication way of dealing with depression. Not helpful though.

Have you looked at seeking ketamine therapy- it´s a supervised dosage and within hours the person feels better. The number of sessions is not much.
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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#66: October 08, 2019, 01:53:53 PM
FTT I have not heard of ketamine therapy.....isn't ketamine used as an animal tranquilizer?

Hmmmmmm, could be useful! Lol!  ;)

I have started therapy with a good counselor. At first I was going so I could deal with grief and guilt regarding my Mom and her situation, but we ended up talking more about H and our situation which resulted in many tears..........sigh. Does this ever end?

Anyway, just updating, this Thursday will be our 21 wedding anniversary......for what its worth. Not even sure he will remember.  :-\ We'll see. I will buy some champagne and toast by myself if I have to!  ::)  ;)
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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#67: October 08, 2019, 04:46:18 PM
It´s a different form of ketamine:)

Happy Anniversary. You deserve a badge for sticking it out this long.
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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#68: October 08, 2019, 08:06:47 PM
SF, I stopped wondering what H would do for our anniversary during my marriage because the answer would normally be 'nothing'  >:(

I started taking control just so I wouldn't be disappointed and asking "What would you like to do for our anniversary?"  I would make sure I asked a few days ahead so he had time to think about it ::) Some men are romantic and then there are 'others'.

I found the disappointment too much so I stopped being disappointed by taking action.  I'd be thinking weeks ahead about what we might do, what I could do for him while he was clearly just forgetting about the day altogether. Too much for my heart to take each year :'(
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"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
#69: October 09, 2019, 07:45:47 AM
Thank you FTT and SF

Ok, I was thinking elephant tranquilizer and the possibilities were interesting!  ;) ;D

SF I used to do that as well. This year I've lowered my expectations. I haven't said a word. Let the day go by. Its the same for romance in our relationship. Since his surgery, he has no desire for touch of any kind. Or perhaps its the deep depression he hasn't crawled up out of yet and the surgery is just a coincidence......either way it can be lonely. Don't get me wrong, there are still very satisfactory elements to our relationship but they are connecting on a more intellectual level than a physical one. I must admit I do miss the physical....... :(
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