Author Topic: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light  (Read 3451 times)

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
« Reply #70 on: October 09, 2019, 05:02:22 PM »
There are so many ways around the physical SF, I am sure your H would be open to exploring if you brought up the subject.  It would certainly help his depression and being desired may make him feel like a real man again.

Maybe you could make some inquiries to see what's possible with some professionals who deal in that area.  It could be great for both of you.  As we know, not talking about stuff makes it worse.  He's probably afraid of failure and for you to gently encourage him, it may be something that helps him gain some more confidence.
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
« Reply #71 on: October 09, 2019, 06:04:41 PM »
Hi SF, for what it's worth, Happy Anniversary. I know you are hoping for a miracle of acknowledgment here, but take heart. Jokes about H's forgetting anniversaries have been around for decades, so it won't be a MLC specific event if he doesn't acknowledge it. Maybe he IS becoming normal.
trying2bok

Offline Anjae

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
« Reply #72 on: October 09, 2019, 06:21:51 PM »
Happy anniversary, Slow Fade.

FTT I have not heard of ketamine therapy.....isn't ketamine used as an animal tranquilizer?

It is, but in a much lower dosage and different type it is also used in depression with good results. Same for some psychedelic drugs - used only under medical supervision and in a clinical setting. Same for deep brain stimulation, it has excellent results for depression, even if not in everyone.


https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/ketamine-for-major-depression-new-tool-new-questions-2019052216673 - Ketamine for major depression: New tool, new questions

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/behind-the-buzz-how-ketamine-changes-the-depressed-patients-brain/ - Ketamine for Depression: Clinical Evidence and Concerns

https://www.psychiatryadvisor.com/home/depression-advisor/ketamine-for-depression-clinical-evidence-and-concerns/ - Ketamine for Depression: Clinical Evidence and Concerns
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Slow FadeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
« Reply #73 on: October 10, 2019, 08:21:35 AM »
Thank you SF, Learning and Anjae.

SF believe me I have tried. We have had some attempts, however even with enthusiasm and praise and encouragement, he has shut down. He is embarrassed and discouraged and so his solution is to just not do it. He claims that right now his whole mindset is that "he cares, but he doesn't care." If that's not MLC gibberish I don't know what is!  :P I'm encouraging him to go to his physician to be checked or helped for depression but he feels  that is weak and they are just drug peddlers in bed with pharmaceutical companies to get people's money. (Its frightening because these are his Mother's words almost verbatim. Channeling her from the grave!  :o ) He also thinks counselors are worthless and just take your money as well.  ::)

Learning you may have a point! Thank you for the anniversary wishes... ;D ;D ;D

Anjae thank you for the well wishes and the information, I'm looking forward to reading it. I never knew they used that drug for depression!

I am seeing a counselor now. I've been twice and I think its going to help. I initially went to talk about  my feelings of stress and guilt surrounding my Mom being diagnosed with Lewy Body disease and placed in an assisted living however we have veered into the situation with H and are delving into some deep issues there......Perhaps that was the greater level of stress bubbling under the surface after all....... :-\

Married 18
BD April 2012
Left home Nov 2012
Home May 2016

Offline LearningIamOk

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
« Reply #74 on: October 10, 2019, 06:05:17 PM »
SF, I do hope you make headway with the counselor. My xH also had no use for counseling. It's hard to have the guts to look deep inside yourself and admit you need to change. Also, my xH thought he was perfect and it was all my issues. Oh well, water under the bridge.

Stop beating yourself up about your mom. She has been well taken care of by you and she is still being cared for. You have NOT abandoned her.
trying2bok

Offline Anjae

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
« Reply #75 on: October 10, 2019, 07:03:14 PM »
You're welcome, Slow Fade. Ketamine for depression usage is recent.

I hope the counselor is able to help you.
Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together. (Marilyn Monroe)

Offline Savoir Faire

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
« Reply #76 on: October 13, 2019, 04:25:35 PM »
He really does love sticking that head of his into the sand, doesn't he?  Maybe a gentle reminder that all we have been told in the past by our parents about doctors/psychologists/drugs etc., is stuff they probably heard from their parents and it's misinformation.  Copy out a couple of research papers on effectiveness of drugs,therapy and whatever else he is running from to show him he may be wrong and needs to rethink when he's told this negative information.

Good luck with him SF, he's being a lot childish.  Maybe if you turned things around and told him this problem is not all about him, that you have needs as well and expect him to seek some help.  Sounds like a bit of tough love is warranted!
"And when they ask you about me and you find yourself thinking back on all of our memories,
I hope you ache in regret as the truth hits you like a bullet and you find yourself replying: ""She loved me more than anyone else in the entire world and I tried to destroy her."  He failed by the way. 
http://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=8412(Denjef's thread)

Offline Slow FadeTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
« Reply #77 on: December 17, 2019, 09:08:17 AM »
Thank you SF......I've been away for a while on my own post. Life is weird and Christmas is around the corner and I don't know if I'm coming or going!

H is being supportive as he can, in his awkward zombie like way....... ::)

 Someone I thought was a good friend (co-worker) blasted me because I wasn't taking a sabbatical from work to be with my Mom 24/7. Told me how selfish I was and how I wasn't being a good daughter. Told me that she knew being at work was a lot of fun,  ??? but that I needed to be with her instead. Needless to say that work has been a little strained because of this.

On that note, Mom has taken a really, really bad turn for the worst since Thanksgiving.....constant hallucinations and delusions, trouble dressing herself, doesn't want to eat, thinks she is drinking but doesn't tip the glass or bottle back enough to get to the water, won't use a straw, is talking to her parents, her son and her Father in Law who have all passed......its heartbreaking. We are starting to discuss Hospice.

Sorry to be a downer but life is messy sometimes as we all know!

On a good note, S16 is seeing a new counselor who is a female. He had his first appointment yesterday and came out laughing and smiling! Yay! Apparently he is responding to a female more than a male.......who would have guessed!  ::) ;D Next appointment is Christmas Eve. I'm optimistic.

I hope everyone here has a very Merry Christmas, as least as much as you can. Know that I pray for the members here often.

Hugs to everyone!
Married 18
BD April 2012
Left home Nov 2012
Home May 2016

Offline Milly

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
« Reply #78 on: December 17, 2019, 09:50:07 AM »
Slow, I'm so sorry that your mother is getting worse, and that your coworker is making you feel guilty. Maybe she is projecting on you.

So wonderful to hear that your S came out of from his new counselor with a smile, that's absolutely wonderful for him and you. Maybe he sees a woman as someone he can trust, you know like you his mother.

Wishing you a very merry Christmas!
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline forthetrees

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Re: Sometimes Darkness Can Show You The Light
« Reply #79 on: December 17, 2019, 03:16:07 PM »
Reading this: http://www.crossingthecreek.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/Crossing-the-Creek.pdf
helped SO much when my dad was in hospice. It relieved a lot of angst when he reached the point of not wanting to eat.
me 51
H 51
M 27
BD 1/15/ 10 then BD 8/21/10
D final 8/13

 

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