Author Topic: My Story BURNING MAN 9  (Read 2520 times)

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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My Story BURNING MAN 9
« on: May 26, 2019, 08:14:57 PM »
So a bit quiet day today. After the gym she wanted to goto the movies with S19 and me. S16 was studying with his friend. W had to go run an errand for her GF and left the house and gave me orders to grill.

Meanwhile S16 returned home while I was there and I grilled outside for the 2 boys as she requested and with her approval.

She seized on something I said immediately to S16 upon seeing him. Apparently I always say weird things. So I texted her while she was out. I declined the movie invite that I would pay for because I was still annoyed with yesterday and she started in with another comment today.

I told her that I already lost 4 years and I wouldn't do another 5 years under menopause if this was how she was going to behave. So forget the movies because of your behavior and she accepted it.

She came home after about an hour and she ate and we made small talk while together. Nothing eventful. She said S19 was the one who invited me for the movie. 

She did her thing around the house and I left her alone. She announced she was going for a walk after the rain stopped. I said have fun. S16 and S19 both walk on their own. So everyone walks by themselves and at different times.

She came back home and is convinced I gave her poison ivy. I said that's impossible as we don't touch each other.  ::) Upon entering the house she immediately asked me who I was talking to as she was at the door. I said S16 but I don't believe she believed me for some reason.

So just a quiet day. We talked when we had to. It's funny. Remember when we are newly minted LBS and we are nervous and have to come up with ideas to talk about with our MLCers and avoid relationship talks at all cost.

Well that is her now IMO. She tries to find anything to talk about and we both can hold a conversation with ease. So we did a good job of avoiding each other however we were pleasant enough when we had to be.

So gym in the morning tomorrow and we should have a repeat of today with things just being quiet as I'm really not motivated to take her out anywhere.

This was how life was prior to BD. I'm outside grilling and she is in the house. Lack of car insurance could be her reluctance is traveling faraway from the house. So that could explain why she remained local today.

I didn't get any sleep last night. I took a nap after the gym and now I'm going to bed hopefully without any interruption.

Have a good night
Thanks

Previous thread: https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10841.msg727071
« Last Edit: May 27, 2019, 02:31:00 AM by UrsaMajor »

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2019, 02:51:59 AM »
Quote from: Watcher in BURNING MAN 8
Oh yes she is big on horoscopes and UrsaMajor's full moon reports she would love. She would get along fine with UrsaMajor for sure, lol.

Uh.... I SERIOUSLY doubt that...

Quote from: Watcher
I touched something in our yard the other day and now I have poison ivy. Its on my right arm really bad and my left hand. It still didn't dissuade me from boxing.

I would say it finally has finished emerging. I've had it many times before. I have it also on my pelvis/hip. IDK how on earth I got it there and the back of my neck. It hit me everywhere. So hopefully it will go away in a few days.

If I were a betting man, and based on the fact that you said that you didn't let it stop you from boxing, the scenario is as follows: you got it initially on your arm and hand, you went to the gym for boxing and sweated. That spread the poison topically. You then went and took a shower. When you scrubbed yourself down and toweled off, you spread the stuff even farther with soapy hands and the towel.  Poison Ivy is nasty stuff and, as long as there are visible blisters or a weeping rash, the sap that is causing the irritation/reaction can be spread by contact. That means that you would not even have to come into physical contact with your Mid-Lifer to spread it. If you were sharing the bed and the stuff got on the sheets and then she contacted that part of the sheet, <boom!>  Transfer by Proxy... My B had it once like that - started on his hand but because he kept scratching and all, spread to his arms, face, legs, everywhere.....

Quote from: Watcher
Yes a bit monster like. When she starts dropping the eff bombs I know we are in that territory. She started up at Macys and I began to walk away because she doesn't control herself.

Eff bombs again on the phone call last night. As soon as she starts with the eff bombs I just know it's time to walk away. That is her announcing that she is about to erupt.

Both scenarios involved S16 who would not cooperate with her demands.

But she is transferring that rebellion to you and blaming you for it... Sounds like a time bomb looking for a place to go off to me.... Between that and the "Sleep in my bed or get out" kind of comments add credence to Karm's observation that she is coming down off the manic high and is cycling towards the other end... You've been here before...... More than once.... You'd probably do well to keep your powers of observation on alert and, if history seems to be repeating itself yet again, to do something different. You've managed to get through to the boys so that will need to be taken into account if she bolts headlong back down the rabbit hole...
Me - 54
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2019, 03:34:37 AM »
Watcher,

That scenario at the Mall alarmed me because it sounds exactly like the one in November.  You know how that ended.
You did the right thing walking away and not allowing her to embarrass your sons or you.
Do that every time she starts in with that.   :(  If it's over the phone tell her you're hanging up because you will not be talked to like that.

What was she so angry about anyway?  Did the boys want shirts different from what she wanted for them?
My goodness they are not young children.

I hope your poison ivy is better today.   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2019, 05:32:48 AM »
Hi UrsaMajor, Thunder.

Yes this was a particularly bad bout of poison ivy. I've had it many times before. It is still visible but slowly clearing up. Maybe she did get it from me then or she is just itching looking at me. IDK. Hopefully it will be cleared up this week.

Yes I've been saying that she is leaning more towards depression now. Saturday morning and afternoon we did our own thing. We were all in the car and the initial plan was to go to another store.

She paid for Starbucks and I asked S16 to move his seat up a bit. He is the front seat passenger apparently always. She made a comment under her breath and I knew it was ignited.

She immediately told S16 she would take him home and we didn't goto the original location as planned. With her that's all it takes. She didn't say anything in the car however I just knew.

So we arrived at the store. We went to the clearance section first and Macys does have a nice section. She started immediately with don't look at your father for help or something like that. Like I said it was already ignited.

So I backed away and she said that S16 didn't want to be in that section and she got mouthy. So I walked away. So then it was wait for your family and she grew louder and I knew where she was heading.

Yes it exactly reminded me of that day in November. Putting on a public display gives her false power I assume. We went up to the men's section, they picked out clothes and she ruined the day in the process.

She told me a story about our original Macys destination. Oh she can't go there anymore because someone cut her in line once and they will not allow her back in that store nonsense. That woman regrets cutting me in line. She thinks she is a tough girl.

That's why I declined her movie request yesterday. I'm not picking on menopause however she uses it now as an accuse for her behavior and I'm not allowing it.

IDK. Maybe the depression state is her dangerous phase. Her GF is in Puerto Rico. Yesterday W dropped everything to go check on her car and today she is picking up her bestie at the airport.

We have seen each other sparingly. No more calls or texts. No more letting me in on what issues she is working on. It's just routine conversation when we see each other.

Right now she has this poison ivy sarcasm running and she will not be able to goto work if she has it.

So today I'm going to the gym and then staying outdoors. The depression phase is good because it is a reset. I get to put my life and routine back in order while distancing myself from her.

This way when mania comes rolling In again I will be better at just sticking to my plan. She was out walking for almost 3 hours yesterday so it was really just the boys and I at the house. She leaves her car behind so she is just walking.

So we will see. At times it just seems like we are back at BD and 2015 all over again. I will decline any offers from her today as I just don't feel like hanging out with her.

Enjoy your day

Thank you
« Last Edit: May 27, 2019, 05:33:55 AM by Watcher »

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2019, 05:59:59 AM »
I wonder if it's more of an anger stage, instead of a depression stage. Usually with depression you are just down and feeling dark, no energy, at least with women.
Men seem to lash out in depression.

Watcher, wasn't this the stage which made you break it off in November?  Were she was angry and lashing out over everything?  I believe physically lashing out too.

Well just do your thing and let her be.  It will be calmer for everyone that way.   8)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Wonder no more

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2019, 07:14:51 AM »
To me it seems like she is constantly trying to bait you into an argument.  She doesn't have her mother to do this with so she is transferring that negative behavior onto you. You are doing great, just don't take the bait.  Walking away or ending the conversation is the best way.  I would also suggest that if she is calm the next day to talk to her about her behavior, especially the mall behavior.  Just simply tell her how inappropriate it was, in public, in front of your son's and that you won't tolerate it. Maybe you need to tell her that if she is not in a good mood that it is ok to not do so many things together.  I think she may need more time alone but feels pressure to have to spend so much with you or her fear of you leaving sets in.   You guys can't go from no contact to so much too soon.  It may not be healthy for either one of you. Just food for thought.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2019, 09:02:59 AM »
Hi Thunder, WonderNoMore.

Her depression and anger maybe the same thing, idk. Yes in November, and as with every other period of contact previously, she has to push me away to get space.

The main difference this time is she has no parents to help her. I would respond with remainder of the year NC if she pushes me away. I really don't see it this time because she would be really crippled financially.

She told me this morning about picking her GF up at the airport. I said good. Enjoy your day. I told her the same thing yesterday. Don't worry about me. Go enjoy yourself. I believe the underlying fear is that I will go NC on her again.

Unfortunately NC has to be severe. I'm not going to do a week or a month. It would have to be 6 months at a minimum. 

Furthermore I don't want to be around only for mania. If we are going to make this work we have to get used to each other. Again I have no problem giving her space.

I agree she is trying to bait me into an argument at times. Now I'm making the dog nervous. That was the new one.

Hopefully S19 graduates this week then school is over. I have the Luke Bryan concert on Friday and I will have a 5K on Sunday. No more letting her know my run schedule. I will just line them up every weekend and attend them myself.

You can't make plans with her. We were going down the beach and getting out in nature, etc... She has so many ideas mid week and then they usually don't come to fruition. Instead she has done laundry 3 days in a row while the weather has been gorgeous.

She will probably go for another 3 hour walk by herself. Her activities are by herself now. Yes I agree there has been too much to soon after all of our NC. So hopefully things will normalize a bit.

Thanks





Online karmirtsaghik

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2019, 09:58:26 AM »
Watcher,

I believe her anger is depression derived.  I am not a medical doctor but she surely exhibits signs of bi-polar. My BIL was diagnosed with bi-polar and from the description of his behavior during mania and depression, I notice lots of similarities.


I hope her GF is aware that she is riding in the car with no insurance. How can one act so irresponsibly, I do not understand. Watcher were these f-bombs thrown around your sons? What kind of mother does this? Maybe she grow up in that kind of atmosphere where mother barks and swears and disrespects father and children, but she is not 12 she is 46. She should understand that it is not appropriate for a mother to behave like that in front of 19 year old boy. What kind of message does it give to 19 and 16 year old boys? Her stories of how she treats the store clerk sound like the bravado coming from a 15 old girls will be bragging in front of their peers. Who behaves like that in public or private for that purposes? No self-control or awareness.


At least they have you Watcher for stability.

Take care Watcher.

Offline GonerinGhana

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #8 on: May 27, 2019, 04:56:44 PM »

I agree she is trying to bait me into an argument at times. Now I'm making the dog nervous. That was the new one.


 ::) Sounds like she is projecting on to the dog. Next time she says that just tell her to get a prescription for Xanax for him.  ;D

I would say keep your distance. Continue to interact with her at a practical level as necessary but I would limit just hanging out because she will probably use the time to make trouble.

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #9 on: May 27, 2019, 08:59:16 PM »
Hi Karm, Goner.

Well I felt like poking the bear tonight. She has a full military dedication online and it so angered me. She told me she was patriotic. That was her answer. I feel like she continues to throw OM in my face. I feel she is insensitive with this continued fantasy pursuit.

So I texted her how I had enough of her military interests. She wasn't home at the time. So later on I was out running and she hunted me down somewhat panicked. Why am I out late running ? What are you doing Watcher ? So she was upset and probably thinks I'm out talking to someone on the phone now.

I returned to the house with her and she wants to know why I removed my clothes from her room. (I do have some clothes here) She brought the clothes back into her room as if that makes everything better.

I thought it was sad as she marched my clothes back into her room. So I left. We discussed nothing. That's the problem. She does not want to hear how I feel.

I don't want to hear she is patriotic. If she were sincere then she would understand why I would be upset after 4 years of this military/OM nonsense.

Look I know its fantasy BS. I also expected this for Memorial Day. However, she wants me back so badly and she is doing nothing about it. Yes she searched me out in a panic as I was running. Yes she is keeping my clothes hostage in her room.

I can tell she is scared. Give it up already. Talk to me. Hear me out. It's almost like keeping me in her life is now fantasy. Let's ignore what Watcher is saying, it will blow over and tomorrow will be a new day and I can keep everything.

Why did she care I was out running late ? Why does she need my clothes so badly in her bedroom ? She was out all day today. We didn't see each other until she saw me out running. Why look for me ?

Yes she knows I'm upset because of my text. So I rattled her a bit. She is not fighting for me. Why does she want me in her life ? Why when she still pursues this fantasy nonsense ?

She is still single online with all her identifiable information. Where she works, lives, and went to school. Meanwhile this very public single woman wants me so badly ? Where is the pursuit to get me ?

Like I said nothing was discussed. So I know I'm frustrated with her and this nonsense. She is doing nothing to keep me interested.

Now I'm going to bed.

 

 

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