Author Topic: My Story BURNING MAN 9  (Read 2519 times)

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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My Story Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #20 on: May 29, 2019, 03:21:57 AM »
This is the worse bout with poison ivy ever. My hands and arms are finally under control and clearing. Maybe 3 more days.

Right now it's still on my knee, legs, and feet in spots. It just keeps popping up in new spots. I have like 50 blisters just on my ring finger. That's an omen.  ::)  That finger is taking forever to clear up. My hands are definitely not at there most attractive.

So I'm up early because I have to drag myself to Planet Fitness for weight training. I haven't been here since March so I have to get back to it.

I mentioned this before about the photos on our marital home walls. I always thought it was MIL. Anyway over the weekend W asked me to hang 3 framed photos of our son's. Now 2 of them are Communion photos and the 3rd was S19 baby photo.

Ok, they are nice framed photos however all the photos on the walls are of the boys. The Communion photo is the most current and they both made their's in 2011. (11 and 8 yrs old)

I can see one or two photos and I get that some of these are studio professional photos, however that's how she sees them IMO.

For as much as she talks about them spreading their wings, I know we are going to have problems. She is a big culprit when it comes to sabotaging them with food.

She is very similar to MIL. S16 is monitored IMO and S19 she just allows to eat whatever. S19 and W both have a chocolate obsession. They always go out together for chocolate runs. I believe that's some type of depression bonding between them.

They are eating a lot of chocolate right now. I don't have to worry about S16 because he is into fitness on his own and he motivates himself. The other one has no motivation and I don't think she is really helping matters.

I always felt that she babied him too much throughout life and she is still doing it much to his detriment.

Planet Fitness has a huge bucket of tootsie rolls. One is chocolate and one is flavored. That's how they won me over.  :P

Ok I have to get to lifting.

Enjoy your day

Offline readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #21 on: May 29, 2019, 05:48:27 AM »
Hello,

First of all, sorry about your poison ivy. I don't know much about the stuff except it can be pretty nasty stuff.

Speaking of nasty stuff, your wife

Quote
I mentioned this before about the photos on our marital home walls. I always thought it was MIL.

I don't know how much was your MIL, but I do see that a lot is your W and her crisis. She's extremely manipulative and uses those around her to justify her wants and needs.

She takes the oldest to go get chocolate, even though she knows that he has weight issues and depression. Not because he wants the chocolate, but because she wants it as well and it makes her feel better to have him along. Just like gambling with the parents.

However, she will not tolerate people or actions that go contrary to her tastes and preferences. If she was into country music, she would be demanding you get tickets and want backstage passes to boot.

You are frustrated because she doesn't listen to you or understand how you feel. From what I have read and gathered from your thread, you are not alone. She doesn't seem to listen to or care about anyone but herself.

There is nothing you can say or do to fix her. You can only control yourself and possible influence your children. Not her. From what I have read, she hasn't changed a bit since you left her in November and the only positive is that the in laws are now gone.

So rather than focus on her and her antics, focus on you. What is motivating you to stay? What in the relationship makes you endure and want to make things work? So, what is the current state of your relationship? Then what would you like to see different, what would it be like in the future? What are the principles you will follow to get you to your goal? What are the barriers in your way that you need to overcome? Then what actions can you consider and accomplish to reach your goal and how can you modify if necessary to reach goals.

The reason why I bring this up is that we all fall into the trap of seeing the problem and solving the problem until the next problem occurs and needs to be solved. We then lose sight of goals and objectives.

Have a great day and hope you feel better,

Ready

"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #22 on: May 29, 2019, 05:54:20 AM »
So the 1st gym session went well. 730am-830am is her usual call time. She gave me my pick up schedule for the boys. It takes her 5 phone calls at a minimum.

So she was kind of annoyed that I already knew their schedules. I told her I talk to them everyday. So she asked why does she worry. I said you like to worry.

She wants to know what time I'm working until today and is just annoyed that I don't let her know my schedule. She was just fishing for an argument IMO.

She called me again but hung up and texted cops. So maybe she got pulled over. IDK. It has happened before while she was talking to me while driving.

Her car insurance is actually 1200 due and her car payment is 1000 due I noticed. She gets paid on Friday so I would make the car payment.

Her car insurance seems very high. That calculates to almost 5,000 a year and it's probably due to her driving record. IDK. She has to figure her sh!te out. Where is that paycheck going. I have to assume she hasn't made a car insurance payment and only 1 car payment since she purchased the car in February. It's only been 4 months.

She doesn't pay the utilities so where is that GIANT gaping hole in the bucket. Maybe one day she will figure it out. IDK.

So I'm off to kickboxing now and then pick up kids. Thankfully I work late and get another day off from her. So I guess 12 more years and she should be ready and have her life all figured out. Ok just 12 more years.   :-\  Oh LOL. Maybe I can join a 3rd gym.  ::)

I saw you late Ready I will come back.


Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #23 on: May 29, 2019, 06:15:30 AM »
Oh man Watcher, they are going to repo her car..that's a given. 
If the cops did pull her over and she has no proof of insurance, they will impound the car and not allow her to drive it.

It just happened to one of my granddaughters.  She actually thought she had insurance but when the insurance company found an old speeding ticket from years ago that was unpaid they cancelled her.

Well at least she still has the van.  It's probably much cheaper to insure than a new car anyway.   ::)



A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #24 on: May 30, 2019, 06:11:23 AM »
I'm still a married man with family responsibilities. I share a home and children with this woman. I have to budget my life like I'm a married family man. There's no way around it.

My GAL activities are limited. It's not like I can do whatever I please. I have to be mindful that I still have 2 children. On top of it I have to see her highs and lows. It's not easy by any stretch especially when mania storms in and wants attention. Mania can be expensive.

This morning I was at PF for weight lifting and now I'm getting ready for kickboxing. PF is 20 dollars a month. Kickboxing is partially subsidized by work so that comes out to 17 dollars a month. (Regular price is 62)

So the gyms are low cost. The running is low cost. Most of these events cost 25 dollars. The half marathon's are more expensive in the 60-75 range.

I have the concerts which I'm getting better at choosing. IDK why I paid so much for Jason Aldean. Maybe I didn't shop around more. IDK.

So I picked the Thomas Rhett, Dustin Lynch, Russell d!ckerson concert for August by myself. It was affordable.

Today we have graduation Mass at 3pm so we will see how it goes.

So I have 2 kids who need me at the moment and for  a few more years so the future is kind of hard to envision. I got one through high school and the other has 2 more years. The future for me is just enjoying 3 months of summer right now.  ;D

Enjoy your day everyone

Thank you

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #25 on: May 30, 2019, 08:21:09 AM »
So kickboxing was glorious with 1,000 calories. I've noticed my numbers improve when I do the 2 gyms back to back.

Ok so here is the pattern. We get back together and do our thing until she changes. So now it's very obvious OM withdrawal and she does this everytime. This is why we split in November.

So here we are again with another bout of OM withdrawal. So I have to assume its because she had a taste of me and then it conflicts her. H or OM. That's the way I read it.

It's like clockwork everytime. So that's the current situation with her. I have the specifics and I know without a doubt its OM withdrawal. Again. For like the 500th time.

I need to counter with some OW withdrawal for myself at this point.  ::) OK, so my response to OM withdrawal was to get that Thomas Rhett, Dustin Lynch, Russell d!ckerson concert and I will also order Chris Stapleton. Both are in August.  ;D

Ready2Transform you brought up the limerence and I'm well versed in it but I cannot believe she is still hooked on OM.

I knew Memorial Day was going to be a problem. Maybe this graduation is a stressor. We are in unchartered territory this time so we will see what happens.

Maybe time for whiskey glasses.  ::)

I'm actually in a good mood.  ;D

Offline Ready2Transform

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #26 on: May 30, 2019, 09:08:32 AM »
Quote
Ready2Transform you brought up the limerence and I'm well versed in it but I cannot believe she is still hooked on OM.

It's funny, yesterday I looked at one of the limerence message boards I hadn't visited in months (really only briefly checked them out - scarier than MLC!). I would say 9/10 of the posts are from people who either have no contact at all with the limerent object, including those that have never MET them, and those that have been clearly and completely turned down by the limerent object once they revealed their feelings. Yet, for the person in limerence, they go on for years with continued feelings! They risk losing families and jobs. And even most of them (assuming that's why they sought out a support group) realize there is something irrational about their behavior. Boggles the mind.

The #1 recommendation always on that site? Cut contact with the LO. Don't work with them, pay attention to them, etc. Block them everywhere. Should be easy enough for your wife, right? Except she has the internet addiction. I bet that fuels it for her. And I think you're right that it's a huge conflict when she has a good time with you - because it's not like it's a transfer of limerence that you are going for. But to recommit to your marriage means putting that addiction to rest completely, even if the OM in this case has been a non-participant.

Poison ivy cure? Cheap hair dryer. The heat is a natural hystamine blocker. Let the air blow at the highest heat on the sores for a few minutes or less (it will feel both good and bad at the same time, LOL. I have no other way to describe it, but you'll know when to stop). You'll go hours without itching, and it helps dry everything up over time. I learned this after a very bad bout in my 20s and it's still the only cure I use.
"Unconditional love is the highest of high standards, and while we are letting go of our need to control the process of anyone else, we are taking within our lives complete accountability for our own experience."

http://seriousvanity.com/how-to-cultivate-unconditional-love-and-change-the-world/

Offline WatcherTopic starter

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #27 on: May 30, 2019, 03:11:04 PM »
Hi Ready2Transform.

I will have to try the blow dryer. I was taking very hot showers and letting the water hit my hands. Probably the same concept. Painful but wonderful at the same time. The blow dryer probably works better.

Do I say anything to her at this point ? Just constantly hit her with the truth. This limerence can go forever. Now OM got married March 29th and W sought me out April 1st. Maybe that was her impetus.

I do think I give her too much space. I'm not going NC anylonger. The wildcard is she uses the police to her advantage. Now her parents are gone so she doesn't have the numbers.

In reality if she wants me back in NC again for months on end she will be crushed financially. She must have really been using her parents money or all 3 of them were just using each other. She is a mess.

Her car, the utilities, food, etc... She doesn't have money for a thing. She lied about paying car insurance and her car. I know she pays her cellphone, internet, boys IC. So she could be in for a rude awakening finally.

I don't believe her parents will be back but that ends my stand if they do come back, immediately. The rat's are gone and I'm not letting them back in my home. I will fight them legally immediately this time.

We can't talk about financials or responsibilities because that equates to the past. So do I push her on the past. Do I print out OM's wedding photo and show her how it's never coming to fruition ? Stop throwing your life away stupid ?

Again I know he is a symptom. She probably thought I was going to help with the car and insurance and it sent her to depression when she saw I wasn't budging and launched her back to fantasy because she doesn't want to deal with her reality nor issues.

Come save me Prince Charming I'm drowning in debt type of thing. I saw her briefly today and she was quiet and ignoring me. That's how yesterday went.

She was distant over the weekend but we did talk. I worked late this week starting with Monday so contact is usually minimal to begin with.

So I've been down this road many times with her so I know what to expect as she distances herself. However she will contact me when she needs something. She is not going to survive the next 3 months. She will either have to run away or something. She needs money for the boys to survive.

We will see what happens. She hasn't made any declarations yet. I remember in March 2018 I was mad when she asked me to leave with her "we are never getting back together speech". I was furious in November when we split because she stabbed me in the back with MIL.

I am going to see my kids everyday still no matter what happens between us. However, I'm kind of relieved she is distancing herself. I immediately signed up for a race and purchased tickets for 2 concerts. I did add Chris Stapleton.

I have become very protective of my gym time, running, and the concerts. They are mine and I'm not giving them up.  ;D

Like I said we will see what happens. She is depressed so that is her current issue. Therefore she seeks out the fantasy of Prince Stupid, who is just some poor innocent schlub, who has no clue how he has infiltrated our family for 4 years now.

I really don't believe anything happened over those 3.5 days back in 2015. However, if something did happen then it happened. I'm more concerned with her RL associates at the moment. Even the online peeps don't bother me anymore.

As usual alot depends on how she behaves going forward and I will take it one day at a time. Like Thunder always says, this cannot last forever.  ::) Hahahaha. It sure feels like forever, lol.

Thank you


« Last Edit: May 30, 2019, 03:24:00 PM by Watcher »

Offline Thunder

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #28 on: May 30, 2019, 04:35:19 PM »
Watcher how did the graduation mass go today?  I hope it was good for your son.

Reading your post this morning did bother me a bit, if I'm honest.
You talked about being a family man and taking care of your boys and family, it sounded like you needed to sacrifice things for yourself in order to do this.

I know of no one who has sacrificed more for his family than you have.
You were thrown out of your house for 4 years, but still paid the mortgage every month to put a roof over your kids head, along with ungrateful inlaw's who took complete advantage of your kindness with so much as a thank you.
 
You have single handedly not only paid for you sons tuition, but did all the school time it took to make it happen.

Your W so far has shown no gratefulness either.   I do think your boys see it and will remember what you have done for they.

I'm just saying this because you should be proud of things you have done for your family.

Is you spend a little money on the gym, or concerts..or even a new car for yourself you have nothing to feel guilty about.  You deserve to find things to enjoy life.

I'm happy you got tickets for Thomas Rhett, Dustin Lynch, Russell d!ckerson concert and I will also order Chris Stapleton. Both are in August.  ;D

I have no idea who any of them are.  ha ha
But I hope you enjoy them, guilt free.   ;D

Just be proud of yourself, Watcher.


A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Ready2Transform

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Re: BURNING MAN 9
« Reply #29 on: May 30, 2019, 05:48:17 PM »
Quote
We can't talk about financials or responsibilities because that equates to the past. So do I push her on the past. Do I print out OM's wedding photo and show her how it's never coming to fruition ? Stop throwing your life away stupid ?

I know you're speaking rhetorically, but just to confirm what you know: there's nothing you can do to push her either way out of this. This isn't a logical process. Like a teenager stuck on a "bad boy" or a teen idol (might be more applicable in this case), you can't force someone to change their feelings because they don't make sense. You can only wait and see. If you choose!

She may well throw it away. She may never change or quit cycling. I "peek" a little occasionally on my exH. He still jumps from persona to persona, hobby to hobby, career to career, spiritual path to spiritual path, fashion to fashion, lifestyle to lifestyle. Cycling as he always did. OW has been around for ten years now. Married and stuck with him, until she's not. The relationship didn't change his patterns, it just changed the environment and the players.

I hope it is not that way for you. I hope she does either eventually seek out the help she needs, or somehow cycles hormonally to a place that some of the other MLCers have, where she 'wakes up'. I hope you have more of the times where there is hope. But there is always hope for YOU. And the boys. Keep swimming. :)
"Unconditional love is the highest of high standards, and while we are letting go of our need to control the process of anyone else, we are taking within our lives complete accountability for our own experience."

http://seriousvanity.com/how-to-cultivate-unconditional-love-and-change-the-world/

 

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