Author Topic: My Story Aliens stole my W!!!!  (Read 2107 times)

Offline Thunder

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My Story Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!
« Reply #100 on: June 12, 2019, 05:59:44 AM »
The blaring music, the staying in her room and the slamming on the door were probably ms teen wanting negative attention.  Then she could get an argument out you.

You did good not giving it to her.  Just like teenagers they test the boundaries.
Giving it no attention will teach her you will not respond to such childish actions.

Good job!   :)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Standing StrongTopic starter

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Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!
« Reply #101 on: June 12, 2019, 02:00:33 PM »
Journal

So I go home for lunch today (eating healthy.... vegetables) and I'm upstairs getting some files I need...... W shows up!!!

No "Hi" or "what are you doing here?", no... I hear her banging around in her craft room (also used as spare bedroom). So after a couple min, I go over there to say hi.
She seems to be in a good mood, and apparently in a hurry. She says "I came home to change".
Change??? What, into a dragon? Who goes home in the middle of the day to change clothes for no reason?

I say "ok", and go about my business. Boom, she's gone as quick as she was there. No "see ya" or anything. She was fiddling around in the closet... a closet with no clothes in it, just boxes of her stuff.

Man these people are sooooooo weird.

-SS
W - 38
M - 41
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline Thunder

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Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!
« Reply #102 on: June 12, 2019, 02:13:11 PM »
Aren't they??

Who knows why she felt she had to change?  Don't even go there.   ::)
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline megogirl

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Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!
« Reply #103 on: June 12, 2019, 03:06:34 PM »
She says "I came home to change".
Change??? What, into a dragon? Who goes home in the middle of the day to change clothes for no reason?


OMG this is soooo MLC. 

Sometimes they do such crazy things, we can only laugh.....!

Offline Standing StrongTopic starter

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Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!
« Reply #104 on: June 12, 2019, 08:29:52 PM »
Journal

Ok, now it makes sense...... At dinner (which she didn't eat with me) she let me know they had company pictures today. I guess she dressed real nice (I didn't see her) and she changed to be comfortable. Sheesh, some info or context would be nice.

New Behavior: I do all the cooking (I'm a good cook). She is now waiting for me to be done eating (or close to being done) and then showing up to eat. What a jerk move. On one hand, great.... less pressure. On the other hand, what a freaking jerk move. Doesn't even say thanks. The most I get now is "that smells good". You're darn toot'in it smells good!!!! I guess the small talk conversations are awkward anyway, I'm not missing much. Now I know why our conversations have been like this the last couple years (pre BD) she had already turned off!!!! Another crummy move!!!!

New Behavior: She hides in the bathroom until I've gone to work, OR ducks out when I'm getting ready in the other bathroom, OR she's done getting ready and leaves before I get up. In any case, I don't see her in the morning anymore. Another crummy move on her part.

Tonight she comes home with BIG boxes of cereal...... Chex and Crispix.... and some candy. When I don't cook, all she eats is cereal. I'm like..... Hmmmm we have cereal. I do all the grocery shopping too. Look in the cabinet.... yup, three big boxes unopened, and two boxes which are opened. She offers me some candy (I decline) and she heads upstairs to begin doing ALL the laundry in the house (she never does this).
She's still ticked off that we're going to have company (her Uncle) and lets me know she's going to a Shakespeare play with a girlfriend on Saturday night.  The only time I get ANY info is when she's making her plate... maybe I should be happy to get that.

At least I get to see family on Saturday for a graduation party for my cousin. That'll be nice..... I wonder what her uncle is going to do??? Poor guy. Maybe I should take him with me.

-SS
W - 38
M - 41
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline Silver

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Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!
« Reply #105 on: June 13, 2019, 01:12:26 AM »
Never mind about her not giving you info my friend, she could give you some but you would still monkey brain if she told you the truth, wouldn't you?
They really have a lot in common with teenagers, it's astonishing but logical actually, both are age and identity related crisis. I felt I was her father (or mother which was the dominant one in her family), so many times  :o

Just give her space, like you are. Don't go after her is she doesn't talk to you first etc.


"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Offline Standing StrongTopic starter

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Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!
« Reply #106 on: June 13, 2019, 07:29:45 PM »
Well, the eating without me is 100% confirmed. Well... good for her. Less stress, and that's what we're after.

I'm wondering.... we're so close to having zero communication in-house..... is it "normal" for a live in to not talk to you at all? That can really go on for years?!?!?
Can't say I'm prepared for that but I'll deal with it. I know for sure the next attempted R talk will feature "we don't talk anymore"..... well duh!!!

I'm wondering if I'm making mistakes by asking "how was your day" or "have a nice day" when leaving for work....... heck even "there's food downstairs if you get hungry". She's not initiating ANY talk.
Is this pursuit? It's simple manners to me, and I don't push ANYTHING..... but if it's pursuit I'm gonna stop.

Are there other things that live-in's generally do? I'm trying to be prepared so I'm not shocked. I'm great at staying calm for something expected, even if it's terrible. I'm not good keeping a poker face with surprises.

Oh a minor funny story: So I get home first, she gets in late..... I'm cleaning the birds cages before her uncle shows up tomorrow (he'll be with us Friday - Sunday.... which she is not happy about)... anyway... cleaning, cleaning... I get the top trays and bottom trays and headed outside to empty them in the trash. I open the front door and BAM!!! W is there!!!! I let out a surprised "AAAGGHHH!!!! I wasn't expecting you there"...... she had such a shocked look on her face...... I tried to cover by laughing (and it was funny)..... she comes in and does a little snort laugh just to go along with it. It's funny because I really wasn't expecting anyone there, and it was her.... it's hard enough to run into her when you know she's there.
"ARRAGH!!!!" LOL

I wonder if she's going to be able to hold a mask on the whole time her uncle is here. It's gonna be interesting. I'm not telling him anything, he'll either see or he won't. His W is my W's favorite aunt. She looks up to her a lot (well, she used to). Going to be a weekend.

-SS





W - 38
M - 41
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!
« Reply #107 on: June 14, 2019, 02:34:34 AM »
SS,

In the 3 months between ABD and moving out, my STBXW was very similar, very little communication - I too got the "We don't talk." Spiel...

As far as the communication, if she has demonstrated that she doesn't want to eat with you, then stop telling her it is ready and, in fact, stop cooking for her.... She wants to do it all herself, to be on her own, then let her. I made sure that I took care of myself and the kids and that was all.

More than "Good Morning" or "Good Night" was not in anymore as she would just either snarl something back or run away or break down crying and run away.
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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Offline Silver

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Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!
« Reply #108 on: June 14, 2019, 02:52:59 AM »
I guess my live-in-MLCer-Ex-Wife was different bc she cycled like h*ll and that really showed  :o She was as withdrawn as your's SS and then next week she wanted to have intimacy with me :o
She went from raging monster to 'loving' wife to cold, distant person to roommate and everything in between. No logic.

The problem in my opinion is that YOU can't really tell what SHE takes as a pressure. I was astonished when she said that I'm pressuring her with something I REALLY didn't mean or see as a pressure. It's difficult situation my friend, you don't press or pursuit yet she may take basically anything you say or do as you were.

No really right answers here I guess, see how she reacts and 180 what doesn't work. 
 
"I've seen dreams that move the mountains, hope that doesn't ever end even when the sky is falling. I've seen miracles just happen, silent prayers get answered, broken hearts become brand new. That's what faith can do." Kutless

Online Whyus

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Re: Aliens stole my W!!!!
« Reply #109 on: June 14, 2019, 04:26:36 AM »
UM beat me to it. You have to stop cooking for her, let her eat her cereals in her room all by herself. You are just doing what you have always done which is cool but "You cannot nice them back".
Most of us have learnt this the hard way. You Sound good considering all that Attention you are not getting.
Married - 19,5 Years pre BD
Together - 21,5 Years
Me: 45
W: 45 (Acts 25)
BD 1: 10.01.2017
BD 2: 24.02.2017 OM 28 (now 30) Trainings partner. W is actually getting People to accept them.
2 Sons - 19 & 21
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Divorce Date 21.08.2018
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