Author Topic: My Story Being strong can stink, but we can do it!  (Read 2134 times)

Offline kalypso

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My Story Re: Being strong can stink, but we can do it!
« Reply #100 on: September 04, 2019, 01:00:34 PM »
hello mightymama, hugs from me too!

Offline mightymamaTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Being strong can stink, but we can do it!
« Reply #101 on: November 10, 2019, 05:42:15 PM »
Hi everyone, it's been a while since I last posted but things have been so hectic.  After a year of struggling his 401k finally got divvied up between us and I have actual money to get a place of our own and I can buy my son a lot more food than I had been.  No more debating if he needs clothes or food more!  :)  XH loved to give the I'm so broke story so it's been a rough road moneywise.  But no more!  :) I'm just hoping and praying that the apartment place I'm looking into will accept me since I dont quite make the 3x the amount of the rent money they mention  applicants should have.  y credit is much better since my ex left so hopefully that will be a help in my favor.

(little vent here)
I found out that XH isn't supposed to pay the child support until after we sell the house.  I swore I read in the divorce decree that only the alimony wouldnt be paid until after the house sold.  Apparently it's the child support too.  What a D move...  He says he had to double check on that because he was confused by that too.  How is he confused??  HE set that up!  He also goes between being super nice and then running off to hide when he catches himself being nice.  He told me that he put a rush on the 401k transfer because he knows how hard I've been struggling.  I just bit my tongue to keep my opinion to myself on that.

Guy cant take his kid any more than what the parenting plan says and I always get the excuse that "hes out of town" or "his back is out" when I need him to take our son so I can work or get the house packed some more.  This is the same guy who wanted me to call him first when I needed someone to watch our son for whatever reason.  He's also the guy who wont let us move to my home state for better support from family because "He wants to be a part of our sons life."

Anyway, hopefully things are quieting down a bit and I can come on and chat more and get back to my old hobbies now that the house is mostly packed.

Me - 41
H - 47
S - 7 (on the spectrum)
Married for 8 years, together for 13 years
BD - April 6, 2018, H took off ring and moved out a week and a half after BD.
Divorce final - Aug. 25 2019
OW moved in with XH in Oct 2019

Offline mightymamaTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Being strong can stink, but we can do it!
« Reply #102 on: November 10, 2019, 06:54:27 PM »
I know nobody reads these but I just found out about the other woman.  My seven year old son told me about her and my ex has yet to.  I did some poking around and she’s basically a younger version of me.  Same likes but a bit thinner and prettier.  I feel so stupid and ugly.  It just hit me hard.  What woman does this to another woman and screw my ex too for not having the decency to tell me that he introduced her to our son.  I have a right to know who he is around since his my kid too.
Me - 41
H - 47
S - 7 (on the spectrum)
Married for 8 years, together for 13 years
BD - April 6, 2018, H took off ring and moved out a week and a half after BD.
Divorce final - Aug. 25 2019
OW moved in with XH in Oct 2019

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Being strong can stink, but we can do it!
« Reply #103 on: November 11, 2019, 03:09:04 AM »
I know nobody reads these but I just found out about the other woman.  My seven year old son told me about her and my ex has yet to.  I did some poking around and she’s basically a younger version of me.  Same likes but a bit thinner and prettier.  I feel so stupid and ugly.  It just hit me hard.  What woman does this to another woman and screw my ex too for not having the decency to tell me that he introduced her to our son.  I have a right to know who he is around since his my kid too.

SO script.... Of course the weasel hasn't "remembered" to tell you about his schmoopie. I am convinced that, unless they are confronted with hard evidence, they either think that they are getting away with it or that they don't have to feel the sting of shame for having an affair.. culpable deniability...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Offline mightymamaTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Being strong can stink, but we can do it!
« Reply #104 on: November 11, 2019, 04:36:15 AM »
I didnt mean the little snap about knowing people dont read the posts, im sorry everyone.  I was just typing with fury last night.

Im going to call him out on it and tell him that my son is my son and I think I have a right to know who he is spending weekends with if he is living with some new woman.  From what i gather shes basically just like me; ethnic, same likes and dislikes, etc.  its like he dumped me for me 2.0. Its so weird.

Im also not letting him have his cake and eat it too regarding our son.  Im always the one to ask him if he wants to take him dor an extra day on a three day weekend, keep him super informed on school functions when he can get his but to a computer and print a school calendar.  No more!
Me - 41
H - 47
S - 7 (on the spectrum)
Married for 8 years, together for 13 years
BD - April 6, 2018, H took off ring and moved out a week and a half after BD.
Divorce final - Aug. 25 2019
OW moved in with XH in Oct 2019

Online Treasur

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Re: Being strong can stink, but we can do it!
« Reply #105 on: November 11, 2019, 05:07:29 AM »
I'm truly sorry, mighty. Yes it is common script, yes you are divorced...but it sucks and it hurts.

I would suggest though that you take a little Rule of 3 moment before communicating at all with your xh bc, understandably, you will be feeling a lot of emotions and that makes all of us prone to react rather than act with a clear objective.

It depends on your divorce/custody agreement but in most cases you probably can't prevent your son being around ow/om. Is that the case in your agreement? If so, best not to go to war about something you can't control imho. Take a little time to think about from the perspective of what is going to be most helpful for your son in a less than ideal situation maybe? Others who know more can share their POV.
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline mightymamaTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Being strong can stink, but we can do it!
« Reply #106 on: November 11, 2019, 05:58:05 AM »
I'm truly sorry, mighty. Yes it is common script, yes you are divorced...but it sucks and it hurts.

I would suggest though that you take a little Rule of 3 moment before communicating at all with your xh bc, understandably, you will be feeling a lot of emotions and that makes all of us prone to react rather than act with a clear objective.

It depends on your divorce/custody agreement but in most cases you probably can't prevent your son being around ow/om. Is that the case in your agreement? If so, best not to go to war about something you can't control imho. Take a little time to think about from the perspective of what is going to be most helpful for your son in a less than ideal situation maybe? Others who know more can share their POV.

Oh I don’t want to prevent my son from seeing anyone, I just would have liked some common courtesy.  He didn’t want to tell our son we were divorcing yet drops a new woman on him.  No wonder he’s even acting out lately.
Me - 41
H - 47
S - 7 (on the spectrum)
Married for 8 years, together for 13 years
BD - April 6, 2018, H took off ring and moved out a week and a half after BD.
Divorce final - Aug. 25 2019
OW moved in with XH in Oct 2019

Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Being strong can stink, but we can do it!
« Reply #107 on: November 11, 2019, 10:30:57 AM »
There is no common courtesy for an mlcer. They are pathetic selfish teenagers.

About the ow being a younger version of you? Well, it is definitely  script yes. But my guess is that is only on the outside. She’s a home wrecking ho with no regard for anyone but her own selfish needs. So she is nothing like you. You are still the queen my dear and don’t think she doesn’t know this.

So sad that they drag the children into their mess. They just don’t seem to care about anyone in their present state. I were not s as low my S to be around Hs OW but H only complies bc he’s a public official lol. He could fight me on it but he’s afraid I’ll be as psycho as his gf. Plus he truly has no interest in S13 rt now other than lacrosse. Breaks my heart but of course there’s nothing we can do other than continue being that strong loving force for our kids. 

You are amazing—never forget that. You have taken on all responsibility for that precious boy. And that in and of itself makes you the queen. That other person is just a sad wannabe and very cheap imitation. You are the real deal.
Me 48
H 47
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline mightymamaTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: Being strong can stink, but we can do it!
« Reply #108 on: November 11, 2019, 11:02:04 AM »
There is no common courtesy for an mlcer. They are pathetic selfish teenagers.

About the ow being a younger version of you? Well, it is definitely  script yes. But my guess is that is only on the outside. She’s a home wrecking ho with no regard for anyone but her own selfish needs. So she is nothing like you. You are still the queen my dear and don’t think she doesn’t know this.

So sad that they drag the children into their mess. They just don’t seem to care about anyone in their present state. I were not s as low my S to be around Hs OW but H only complies bc he’s a public official lol. He could fight me on it but he’s afraid I’ll be as psycho as his gf. Plus he truly has no interest in S13 rt now other than lacrosse. Breaks my heart but of course there’s nothing we can do other than continue being that strong loving force for our kids. 

You are amazing—never forget that. You have taken on all responsibility for that precious boy. And that in and of itself makes you the queen. That other person is just a sad wannabe and very cheap imitation. You are the real deal.

I want to say, “Hey listen I’m his mom and kinda want to know who helps you parent him.”  I’m just not sure how to go about it.

I felt ugly and fat last night compared to her but today I put on my Wonder Woman cape and I’m back in business.
Me - 41
H - 47
S - 7 (on the spectrum)
Married for 8 years, together for 13 years
BD - April 6, 2018, H took off ring and moved out a week and a half after BD.
Divorce final - Aug. 25 2019
OW moved in with XH in Oct 2019

Offline Rising Phoenix

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Re: Being strong can stink, but we can do it!
« Reply #109 on: November 11, 2019, 11:19:59 AM »
Mm , I wouldn’t be as nice as “hey I’m his mom”. I would be factual.
Son has said he has met ow, please inform me in advance of decisions that affect our child as I am his mother and main care giver. Thank you.
Short and to the point. You don’t have to spare his feelings or accept monster as your h’s ow has his divorce.
Ps. I completely agree with kit. Wear that Wonder Woman cape with pride. Xx.
Me 51
H52
Married still, 22yrs
Together 30yrs
BD 20/10/2014
Left first 12/12/2014
10 come backs and leaves again for same ow
Last left 7.03.17.
Ow 16 yrs younger, no children never been married. co worker. EA turned to PA and lives with ow
Divorce bomb drop by him 31/8/17 by solicitor letter after being caught by ow at lunch with me 3 wk earlier. Not yet finalised.
Crazy divorce started by him.
Clinging boomerang for 3 yrs now Vanisher but  twice a yr pops his head up. ow has balls in a vice!

 

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