Author Topic: My Story The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot  (Read 1449 times)

Offline Thunder

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My Story Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #10 on: June 03, 2019, 02:42:51 PM »
Yes..bland, stunned, numb..is a good way to express it.

It will take you awhile to wrap your head around all this Fear, but you will.
You will.

Things are moving fast you just need to catch up.

A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #11 on: June 04, 2019, 03:12:50 PM »
One day at a time, FN.  You can only do so much each day, and the emotions are in high gear right now.  Sending support. 

 
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #12 on: June 05, 2019, 05:01:33 AM »
I remember that day VERY well... sitting in the lawyers office on Ash Wednesday 2016 with STBXW so Hyper-Happy, the new owners looking like the cat that ate the canary (they got a VERY good deal) and me thinking "Well, this is really it. She's managed to destroy everything ."

I started looking for a new place to live the following day since we had until the end of April to vacate....
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline FaithWalker

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #13 on: June 08, 2019, 02:18:13 PM »
I remember sitting in my house closing with similar thoughts as UM.  Same looks on new owners faces.  The difference was that I'd already vacated.  It was kind of nice to leave him with dealing with the mess of figuring out what to do with the "leftover traces of our lives."
M-41
H-43
S-19
D-17
S-14
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
Has several dating profiles on POF and another but no major signs of anything new.

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=10630.new#new

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

"If we don't take time to heal, we will bleed on people who didn't cut us."

Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #14 on: June 11, 2019, 09:19:02 AM »
That's the great thing about being able to come to this safe place. I know there are others who get how this feels. Dealing with the RL people in this situation is a bit of a challenge. Some have the idea that it's been 1.5 years, no biggie, move on. Shouldn't you be over it by now? I had one person tell me how detrimental it was for me to stay in our home for the last year and a half  ???. I don't feel it was detrimental. I feel like this played out the way it was supposed too, as difficult as it was and is. I had a year and a half (yes it was living la vida limbo) but I don't think I would change it one iota. I was in my home, now I am going to make a new home somewhere else because the time is right.

When this all started, I did everything in my power to stay. I prayed, I begged, I asked the neighbors to let their giant dogs out to sabotage the showings. Funny enough, I spoke with them the other day and they were telling me how they would let the dog out, then holler at it, holler at the kids. In the fall and spring the neighbor dude pulled his Harley out in the drive way, rev it up. They did their best to make a spectacle!! Man that made me laugh!! I'm sad to be leaving them. Such great people.

But in the end, I guess it's going to the right peeps,if they can handle all that! I probably shouldn't even share this but... the morning of the showing, I was very under the weather from some quality time of drowning a few sorrows with my cousin. I didn't even have the energy to leave the house. I grabbed my blanket, pillow, water and a snack and went for a nap in the back of my car in the garage. They didn't even look in the garage that morning. Who knew that would be the showing where the house actually sold.  ::)

So I'm down to the final few days. My mom and uncle came to get some stuff. It didn't dawn on me until the very end when my mom got really emotional, that was the last time they would be there. The tears started, and it's been tough reigning them in every since. I think I can honestly say...this is one of the most difficult things I have had to do. The range of emotions is insane. I've been trying to stay at 100 mph because I don't want to think about it...cuz when I do.. it wrecks me.

I was getting ready in the bathroom this morning and thought I only have 3 more days. I managed to work myself into such a tizzy about that, that I ended up being physically ill. So ridiculous.

I know so many of you have already walked this walk, and I am truly thankful for you sharing and supporting!! I know there is light at the end of the tunnel for me...H, well I guess time will tell.

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online Treasur

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #15 on: June 11, 2019, 09:40:05 AM »
Ah Fear....so get it.
And the feeling underneath that the time is right for something else too.
I howled like an exhausted baby when I left my greenhouse built as a surprise gift by my father and h. I howled like a child the last time I shut the door on my father's shed and walked away after selling my mother's house. I sobbed intermittently for months every time I had to empty a box or clear away stuff. Everything hurt. And like you I put my head down and kept going. But it still hurt. I felt like I was exhausted in my bones and my heart and my head all at once. Didn't eat. Didn't sleep. Inhaled coffee though lol.
Yet at the same time running away here to the sea repaired my soul. I remember feeling that I could breathe out for the first time for a very long time.

You're tired. It's emotional. But you will get there and There will be better, I promise x
« Last Edit: June 11, 2019, 09:44:28 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #16 on: June 11, 2019, 09:41:07 AM »
Ok Fear, I have to share.

When I moved out it was 101 degrees...hot!!  Bad hot!
We got me all moved in, helpers all left..I was fine all day..laughing, talking...working, after they left I made a drink and got snot-faced drunk that night, all by myself.  I couldn't believe it the next day.

I realized this was so much harder and emotional then I admitted.  Leaving my dogs was the hardest.
So if there are times you need to cry a tear or two, just do it.  This is hard.

I'm sure there are others who have stories too to tell, but you are going to be fine, Fear.

I now LOVE where I live.  It just takes awhile.
Do you have enough people to help you with the move?

{{{Big Hug}}}
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Online Mitzpah

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #17 on: June 11, 2019, 10:46:18 AM »
Fear Not,

It has been a good 23 years since I did any moving... I still remember how traumatic it is, though!

Perhaps the silver lining is knowing that you can move to a place that is all yours now, decorate and arrange it anyway you want, play the music you want...

Probably not much of a help right now as the emotions are running high - I remember stroking/caressing the door posts of our last house (we built it) and thanking God for all the happiness we had there, all three of our kids were born into that house. And, wow, what a mess the new house was for a good three weeks - it was stifling hot too!

I hope it goes as smoothly as these things can go. Just don't overdo things!
M 58
H 58
S 27
D 24
BD 13 Dec 2010
Divorced 27 Feb 2015 (30 years marriage)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future" Jeremiah 29:11

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #18 on: June 12, 2019, 05:11:54 AM »
FN,

I moved in March and got REALLY lucky to hit a few days when it did NOT rain... I was out of one house and into my apartment in 12 hours.... I had my bed set up, my closet, the dining room table and chairs and that was about it. Everything else was either still in boxes, needed to be bought or ordered and built... I was SO tired. I had 2 living room chairs (no couch yet), had sat down and I guess fell asleep. I woke at some point (NO idea how long) in a start and it took me about 5 minutes of blind panic before I actually realized WHERE I was...  That was the first night I had NOT been in the house formerly known as home for 10 years unless it was with STBXW and S/D on vacation...

So, yeah, there will be emotional times...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #19 on: June 13, 2019, 11:39:45 AM »
Thank you all for sharing!! It really does help to hear others experiences. Then I don't feel like such a quack.

Thunder- I have hired movers. That was just easier than trying to rely on people who may or may not follow through. I didn't want that added stress.

In an hour and a half I go sign the papers for the sale of our home. I am feeling really apprehensive about this. The lawyer emailed asking when we could come in. I replied with my availability and H was sure to choose a different day.  ::) No surprise there. In my reply to the L I asked that an additional money be held in trust due to us being separated. I did not mention that I am filing for D. Passed on my L info. H replied to same with his L information and just stated that was acceptable. I wonder if this will light a fire under his ass to get things done, so he can get his dollar bills y'all?!?!?

Got the keys to my new place last night. Mixed feelings there as well. My 2 major requirements when looking for a place to live (beside affording it) was that it fit my dining room table (the one nice asset that I held firm in H not taking - he even offered to buy it.. Hell no!) and that I was living above grade. I was a basement dweller for many years (nothing wrong with it) just not what I wanted now. Funny enough, after I looked at the place, gave the deposit I freaked out that my dining table might not fit. I measured last night. Plenty of room. What I did over look is the fact that the log bed I have for the spare room will take up the entire bedroom and that my dresser won't fit in the master bedroom and will live in the bathroom.   ??? Oh well... what's a girl to do. At least my undies will be at the ready when jumping out of the shower. I have a little packing to do and tomorrow afternoon it will be a done deal.

May God give me the strength not to melt down on the movers and if I do, may they have a great sense of humor!! I am a little nervous about that happening . I can only imagine the drama they probably see, so realistically, my meltdown is probably not worthy of consideration. Right? Right! Unfortunately I have no one to be with me while leaving our home. I am trying to decide if that is good or bad. I am going to go with good because I don't really have a choice. Lol. My cousin will be able to meet me when I get to the new place later.

I am looking forward to it just being done. The house papers, the move, and starting a new way of living la vida limbo  :D.

I am supposed to be working right now and I have not accomplished a damn thing today here.  ???

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

 

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