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Author Topic: My Story The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot

F
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Just stopping in to say hey! It's been a hot minute since I was here. I hope you are all doing well, staying safe and healthy!

Not much has really changed for me. I am still working, still following the restrictions, still entertaining myself. I messed up my back over a month ago and am finally getting back to normal. I was "entertaining" myself doing a YouTube exercise video. I thought I just pulled a muscle, turned out I had a bulging disc in my back and it was a little more serious than I thought. I lost a couple days to muscle relaxants and pain meds. Big kudos to those who deal with back pain on a regular basis, that sucked... a lot.  I'm recovering, but have to say I was a little glad that golf isn't in full swing. I would've been super irritated at myself. I've had a difficult time following the Dr. orders as it is. Lol.  The novelty of House Party has worn off. I pop on for a few here and there but I've been working on my diamond painting, reading, watching documentaries and a decent amount of garbage TV.

I did whine to my co worker about not being able to hug anybody and not having anybody to hug in my house, not even a stuffed animal. I am a hugger and I miss it something fierce. She brought me giant bear on lend to get me through. So needless to say I have been sharing the above activities with Rodger the bear. I am so grateful I have such great people in my life and a bear to hug.

It's interesting that you were looking forward to the JDR.
Do you think that's a matter of just wanting it to be done, or are you looking forward to being divorced?
Two totally different things...
Let us know how your heart is doing.

Hugs,
Sea
I've had to put some thought into this... I was and am looking forward to not having the logistics of this hanging over me anymore. I would like to wrap up the loose ends and be done with it. I feel like there is freedom in having those ties removed. As for divorce, I have to say, I really don't know. What I do think about when it comes to that is, I have no idea who he even is anymore. I haven't seen him in 1 year and 8 months. There's been next to no communication except for a few emails selling the house and a brief attempt at negotiations in December (and those were far from kind). I don't even know what he looks like. I know that I have changed significantly and I don't know if that would even remotely mesh with him in anyway. I think in a small way I was looking forward to physically seeing him because it's been so long and I wanted to see if I still had that "feeling" about him or if when I laid eyes on him... would I feel nothing?!?!, But the anxiety those thoughts create. Aiyiyi!! If I could just maybe go to the meeting and be invisible, that would be preferential. Lol. Not sure if that even makes sense.

Anon- I feel ya and there is so much for people to deal with while living like this and the aftermath ! Introverted or not, this has been a long time. As for Tiger King... that stuff is cray cray. I look forward to when we can make our meet up happen and swing some clubs!! XO

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
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« Last Edit: May 07, 2020, 01:09:28 PM by FearNot »
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

S
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FN -
Just catching up.
I can understand all of your points.
It WOULD be nice to to have that hanging over your head anymore.
AND - you're right.  There may be nothing in common between you two anymore.  Certainly we change for the better, and they change.  Initially their change is obviously for the worse, but then after they do their work, also for the better.
I also get that you'd like to be at the meeting, but unseen. -- Like a fly on the wall...
I haven't seen my H in about a year, but I don't really have any desire to see him anymore.

I'm sorry to hear about your back, but happy that it's feeling better.

Virtual hugs,
sea
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Seahorses have one mate for life...

F
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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#122: September 15, 2020, 11:37:31 AM
Well it has been awhile since I have been here. It was golf season so I was otherwise occupied!

So a little update, the ups and the downs:

In June I lowered the offer with H, in hopes that things could be settled. No such luck. He won't even respond to his L. With the courts being shut down with the pandemic, my L said I am looking at probably 2 years for a court date due to the back log, if he won't settle outside of it. Looking like that might be the case. I was speaking to my Aunt about it and she asked " So do you have someone else that you're looking to marry right now?" I told her heck no, I'm not even looking... in anyway, shape or form. Then she said " Then what's the problem?" Lol. Fair enough.

I was fortunate to be able to work regular work hours this year up until now. As of October I will be going to a 4 day work week. That is going to require some budgeting etc to make it work, but I am still working. It could be way worse, and somehow it always works out.

As of August 1st I moved back to the town that H and I were living in, where my cousin and some friends are. The fellow that was living in the basement of my previous place was growing weed, and the stench was horrendous (I'm not anti weed, I would just rather have a choice),as well as other issues.There was a lot of rig-a-morol  with all of that, long story short.. the landlord knew..lied to me about it.. called him out on it and I was able to get out of my lease and make tracks.  The best part was the place I moved to, is back to where I wanted to be! Closer to my cousin, my mom can come visit again (as she didn't drive in the city) I have room for crafts (Yes!!), a real yard, and a garage, and the gal downstairs is awesome,. I didn't realize until I moved how unsafe I actually felt there. The basement dweller would text as soon as I got home, he was paying attention to my comings and goings. Any little noise...text.. any excuse he could come up with... text and then say the weirdest stuff. I quit turning on the TV, I hated to flush the toilet b/c he'd know for sure I was home. I quit parking in my stall, so that he wouldn't hear my car. I'd talk to my cousin outside....I didn't really notice that I had made all these adjustments, until I didn't have to make them anymore. I am so much happier where I am. It really did work out the way it should, b/c initially I was going to pass on my new place as it was a little out of my price range. The landlord asked me to come look anyways, then we negotiated a price that fit. I am so blessed that it worked out and I am sleeping much better! Thank you God!

In June I had an Uncle and a young cousin pass away within days of each other. Last week I had another Uncle pass away. They were all really awesome people and are missed greatly. None of it had to do with covid, but unfortunately it has limited the people being able to attend and support each other in person. I find it really difficult to digest and come to terms with it. My heart breaks for the immediate family and what they must deal with trying to arrange all this, besides dealing with their loss. 2020 has been a little unkind in this way.

I kept myself busy over summer with golf and packing to move. The leaves are already turning and it's been a little chilly here. I have a tee time on Saturday and am thinking that might be my last kick at the cat. Probably good timing, with my hours being cut, some of the fun gets cut! At least I was able to do that over the summer.

I will get back into my wreath making. I have some projects to paint for the new home so I'll be keeping entertained and my cousin is a 4 minute drive, so we can raise hell now and again ;).

I think I am doing ok. I have a lot of catching up to do on everybody here!!

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
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M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

S
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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#123: September 15, 2020, 03:08:58 PM
FN -
I am so sorry for the loss of 3 relatives in a short period of time!  How horrible - and the inability to grieve as a family and support eachother during this time is distressing.  I hope that you are able to appropriately process.

Your new home sounds so nice; of course it all works out.
A little tighter budget working 4 days instead of 5, but you'll be able to pull it together, AND enjoy your spare time in your new, peaceful house.

Sounds like things are going well for you.
Enjoy your time while the courts are backlogged.  It could work to your advantage in so many different avenues.

Keep us updated.

Hugs, Sea
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Seahorses have one mate for life...

A
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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#124: September 15, 2020, 05:27:30 PM
FN - wow, you have had quite the summer.  Good (golf, new house) and not so good (family deaths) but you sound strong.   Your new place,,, what a relief to find peace and contentment when you didn’t know how much you needed it.   You gained a lot with that move.  Closer to family, more space for crafts, etc.  Someone is seriously looking out for you!     I will be in some unknown place in the new year too, and no idea where I will wind up but I know I’ll be fine.   But ,,, please stop saying your next golf game might be the last for the season.   No, no, no, noooo.  Yes it’s getting colder but there are lots of crazies that golf in much colder weather.   I might be one of them, maybe?   

Anyway, you sound good overall and one day I hope we can resume our aborted plans if the weather cooperates and Covid disappears.   Stay safe and don’t hunker down for winter too soon.  It still only September!
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"This too shall pass.  It might pass like a kidney stone but it will pass."
"Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown.  Instead, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus."

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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#125: September 16, 2020, 12:41:31 AM
2020 has been an unkind and exhausting year for so many of us hasn't it? And I am sorry for your losses and for your wider family having to navigate that. Never easy at the best of times and these are far from the best of times.

You sound like you are onto a new page though. Love your Aunt's pragmatism. Not at all surprised that your h is still behaving like....well, an MLCer  ::) I wonder actually if the LBS door closes more bc our respect for them disappears than the love tbh, if they just become kind of silly people in our heads with time rather than monsters?

I remember too that I had not realised how I had adjusted to feeling perennially unsafe until I moved here and finally felt safe after a few years of just not. We habituate to stuff without always noticing, I think, which is a useful human trait of course....but my it feels nice to breathe out doesn't it? You sound good, FN, really good. And I agree with Anon.....is golfing in the snow not why God created bright yellow golf balls lol?
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« Last Edit: September 16, 2020, 12:43:09 AM by Treasur »
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

s
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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#126: September 16, 2020, 08:24:52 PM

I will get back into my wreath making. I have some projects to paint for the new home so I'll be keeping entertained and my cousin is a 4 minute drive, so we can raise hell now and again ;).

I think I am doing ok. I have a lot of catching up to do on everybody here!!


Nice update, FN! 
 
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

 

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