Author Topic: My Story The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot  (Read 1450 times)

Offline Thunder

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My Story Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #20 on: June 13, 2019, 12:09:15 PM »
Fear, when I moved back in my old house and XH had to go, he was fighting it tooth and nail...he was not leaving!!

I told him we were coming..
Anyway I had to tell the movers there may be a problem when we get there.
They laughed and said not to worry about it, we've seen just about every scenario you can imagine.
So you feel how you're going to feel, they will understand.

I'm sure you will figure out the furniture, it will just take you a little time.  You'll make it nice and homey.
Plants will help a lot.  Do you have a balcony?

Good luck with today, Fear.  Wish I could go with you.  We'll all be thinking about you and sending a little prayer your way.

Biggest of hugs!!! 
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #21 on: June 13, 2019, 07:48:02 PM »
Sending support and encouragement your way, FN.   Hope the move goes okay.
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #22 on: June 14, 2019, 02:29:10 AM »
FN,

For what it is worth, in Germany, there are no such thing as Built in closets... You buy a cupboard of some sort or a wardrobe or whatever for your clothes. When I moved, the cut of my new apartment is such that my wardrobe no longer fits int he Master Bedroom (or at least not if I wanted to walk between the end of the bed and the wardrobe doors) so it now lives in my study which is the adjoining wall to the BR... So I feel your pain... and, since my bathroom is off the MBR, (and is the size of a postage stamp) I end up doing the naked perp walk between the shower and my clothes... Ironically, the MBR and Study are below grade so I don't have to worry about being seen AND it stays cooler in the summer...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #23 on: June 25, 2019, 12:23:44 PM »
Thunder - I have a front porch/step/stoop?!?! that fits a couple chairs and a bbq. There's a shared patio at the back of the house with the giant downstairs!

UM- Thank you, that kinda of spoke to me in a couple ways. It's all about perspective really. Kinda like "looking outside the box" but "your wardrobe can go anywhere with your wardrobe in it, don't limit yourself to a closet" in all sorts of relatable ways  :D!! As for the naked perp walk... I am not below grade and I no longer have the same privacy. I am trying to limit my naked perp walk, but the dresser actually fit in the bedroom... hindsight... would've been easier on the neighbors if it was in the bathroom.  :-\ lol.

Update

<<<<Dusting hands off>>>>

Well, that's done!
It actually went really well. The paper signing was fine. I am glad to be rid of the imbecile realtor. The new people took possession of the house this weekend. I had messaged the realtor to set up getting the keys and garage door opener to him. His response... "leave them on the counter and let yourself out through the garage. The lock box is still there." He couldn't even be bothered to meet after making thousands of dollars off the sale of our house to say  F- all, like a thanks or just make some nice customery servicey type crap up?!?!?. Glad I don't have to communicate with him anymore.

The move...
The movers were awesome, the poor neighbor got the brunt of it. I got my melt down in before they arrived when the neighbor gal gave me a hug on the driveway and sad how said she was for me to be leaving. By melt down, I mean complete snotty, sobbing mess on the neighbors shoulder, who showed some compassion at the right time for the dam to break... Ugly cry... It must've been epic enough because she brought me flowers shortly after to help cheer me up and have something bright in my new place. Too dang sweet. More tears.

The move itself went really well. They did an awesome job, they were very kind and had me from one place to another in 6 hours. My cousin came and stayed with me the first night and helped me unpack. We had a lot of fun. I was glad that she came. She was a huge help getting me settled. She also may have over served me. lol

I have been in the new place just over a week and I am really liking it. The neighborhood seems pretty good, the giant downstairs seems alright. It feels right to be there. I planted a bunch of flowers, got stung by a wasp and had my hand swell up 3x it normal size. I tend to react dramatically to stings. Luckily the EPI pen didn't need to be brought out.  :D. It's 3 days later and still swollen but I don't look like a mutant any more. I am declaring war on that nest!!

I feel very relieved to be done with the sale of our home, as sad as it was. It does feel like freedom. This does feel like my place. I feel like am going in the right direction. It feels gooood!

Today my SD is being moved to a long term palliative care home. This is great news. He will no longer be isolated in his hospital room. It has been very hard on my mom, making all the decisions about it. It finally became very real to here that he wasn't coming home.  :-[. Hard on both of them, but there is light at the end of the tunnel.

I think maybe when the dust settles a little more, I might be a little more emotional about it all, right now, I am tired. What am I going to do with all the worry free time I will have, since I don't have to clean house for showings, SD is going to a good place, things will be leveling out for mom?!?! Not sure, but looking forward to it.

Hugs N Prayers,
FN


M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #24 on: June 25, 2019, 12:44:17 PM »
Oh Fear I'd rather have a porch than a balcony.  You could get some cute potted flowers out there...AFTER you get rid of the bees.  Your landlord should pay for that. btw.

Anyway I am thrilled you are happy and like your new place.   ;D

Sorry for the epic meltdown (it had to come out), now it's done and dusted!!
You may feel teary at times but the big one is over.  Whew!
Very sweet of your neighbors.

I know you are going to make your place look so cute.

Big Hug hon

A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #25 on: June 26, 2019, 04:15:04 PM »

I think maybe when the dust settles a little more, I might be a little more emotional about it all, right now, I am tired. What am I going to do with all the worry free time I will have, since I don't have to clean house for showings, SD is going to a good place, things will be leveling out for mom?!?! Not sure, but looking forward to it.


Well, I'm going to recommend at least 36 holes of golf with all that extra time! 

So the house craziness is done - good.  It's another thing to put in the past with other memories.   We just keep moving forward FN.  That's all we can do. 
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #26 on: July 03, 2019, 01:19:36 PM »
Thanks Thunder! The flower pots are planted  ;D!!

SB- If it would stop raining here for a dang minute I would administer your recommendation!

It's been pretty quiet the last little while. I am feeling more at home. Something has been occurring since I moved that I forgot what it was like to experience in the last year and a half. I have actually been sleeping through some of the nights (fairly regularly). I have never been a great sleeper to begin with, but it was more of a falling asleep than staying asleep issue. Since H peaced out it became both. I rarely have slept through the night since BD. It has happened now on several occasions ???. I think that's a good sign. I think that perhaps I can relax a little easier in my own space, knowing it is mine. H has no idea where I live, he can't walk in at any moment... and I think the important part... I am not expecting/hoping that he will. I don't have that need to listen for the garage door opening constantly. It's funny, well not really, but I realize now that I was living like that. Fully expecting that he could show up at any given moment. I didn't really comprehend the stress of that. I just wanted to stay in our home so badly. I don't regret staying there for the year and a half, but I am realizing that perhaps it did affect me a little more than I was truly aware of.

It was a long weekend here in canuck land and it was pretty tame. Rain, rain and more rain. I went to Pentatonix concert and really enjoyed it. Tried golfing on Monday and got rained out, so I took the afternoon, sat on my couch curled up in my blanket, watched numerous episodes of crap tv that I have on the PVR, ate ice cream & potato chips for supper and went to bed at 8:30. It was great!! It has been a long, long time since I did NOTHING. It kinda made me realize how tired I am. Not sure if that's good or bad. Lol.

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online Treasur

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #27 on: July 03, 2019, 01:34:57 PM »
Good to hear, FN. I didn't sleep through the night until I moved here a year ago. Tbh I think we don't realise the strain until we feel safer again  ;)
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #28 on: July 09, 2019, 01:50:27 PM »
I 100% agree with you Treasur!!

Well let get this party started!!

Finally heard back from the L. The counter offer that I received from H was absolutely ridiculous. Basically it was I keep my half for what we made on the house(which wasn't much) and he keeps his half, He'll give me  $5k and I just go away. It also included that our marriage/relationship was only 6 years. Not sure how H arrived at the number. We owned our first home for 7 years together and the second one for 3 years. Technically we didn't make it to 5 years married, since he peaced out prior, so that's not where he's getting the number. We met in Jan 2007, moved into together in June 2007, married Jan 2013 and he left Dec of 2017.They really aren't good at mathing!! Lol. Needless to say, I won't be accepting the offer. It felt like a real punch in the gut. More so the fact that we were together 11 years and I guess you just get to automatically erase 5 of those?!?! For why? Because you worked away from home so they don't count? Because maybe you weren't invested the last 5, then why the heck did we get married at that point?I truly don't understand where the 6 years comes from. A number pulled out of H's arse? Sorry this is me venting my anger, hurt and shock. I know this is just the beginning of negotiations. It sure does bring the frustration to the surface quickly though.

I have an appointment for a call with my L Thursday morning to discuss. I have zero intentions of backing down on this. I have dug myself a big hole over for the last year and a half for his benefit and I am not willing to do that anymore. Not because I want to be vindictive or play the victim card but because I need to watch out for myself and all I am asking for is what is entitled by law. I have finally come to the conclusion that I do not have to sacrifice my well being whether financial, emotional, socially etc for him. It won't make the MLC shorter, it won't bring him back and honestly I don't think it pushes him any further away because he has pretty much vanished. Am I being crazy? I feel a little crazy. It feels mean to counter back. I have tried so hard to approach this with as much grace as possible, but when I stand up for myself for these things, it makes me feel like I am being that "woman who is taking him for everything he's got". Which is his words ringing in my ears from last year, and I know it's not true. That's not what this is at all. It all just feels so crappy.
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Father5

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #29 on: July 09, 2019, 02:23:42 PM »
Hi fearnot,

  We are very similar timelines. Together 12 years married five. I am getting left high and dry. The cash I brought onto the relationship is considered mutual and her assets are considered brought into and not mutual. If you don't get very penny you are entitled too you will be fooling yourself. Your anger and resentment will only build as you realize you will have nothing at our age to fall back on. Please do not risk it and go after every penny you can get. Life is short and he will just spend it on the O/W if you let him have it all. I am not saying this out of anger to you but they aren't thinking clearly and they definitely aren't thinking about us! You look out for #1 now!
Together 12 yrs Married 5
5 kids 3- Step (21) (20) (18) Two together ( 8 ) (9)
BD1 March 2018 - I wish I could give you more of what you need
BD2 Aug 2018 - I want a divorce sent by text ILWYBNILWY

O/M Discovered Nov-18

 

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