Author Topic: My Story The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot  (Read 1452 times)

Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #50 on: November 27, 2019, 09:44:54 AM »
You peeps are right. It is scare tactics, predictable, and a waste of breath to try explain their behavior. Thank you for the support and encouraging words.

UM- Yup, it was pretty much just like that. Awkward!

I woke up pretty stiff and sore this morning. These old bones aren't meant to fall down. The blessing was that I had made a tulle angel with a glass ornament head for my co worker. I was carrying it when I wiped out and did everything I could so she wouldn't break. She made it... lol.

I wrote H back. I knocked a little off of what the L suggested asking for, told him I'd acquiesce on a couple other things that wouldn't make or break me and mirrored his sentiment that "I feel this a very fair offer".  :D

I had an answer within minutes, telling me that we agree on everything but spousal (which is some progress). Therefore we are at odds because my L thinks I'm entitled and his L thinks I'm not. Then went on to state that we could go to JDR and there's a chance that I would get absolutely nothing in spousal and of course the cost of it. Let's work this out. Sure there's a chance that could happen. But there's also a chance that I would get it... or a portion of it. More scare tactics. I really don't know what to reply because it's just going in circles. I was thinking a simple "Yes that could happen and I guess we are at odds. Life's a gamble (he loves to gamble), guess I'll roll the dice on this one." because I really have nothing to say. I'm gonna sit on it for awhile before replying or maybe not even reply.

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #51 on: November 29, 2019, 05:27:52 AM »
Sort of like accident insurance.... The insurance company is gambling that you'll never make a claim and just pay them lots of money in premiums. You, on the other hand, are gambling that you will make a claim that will equal or exceed what you are paying them in premiums...

I personally think the odds are probably more in your favor...

Note to H:


Let you lawyer reply... That is what they are there for...
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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Offline Thunder

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #52 on: November 29, 2019, 06:14:22 AM »
Fear, I understand you want to make things fair, but please think future/down the road when accepting anything.  Once it's done you can go back and redo it.  Think only what is best for you and your future. I'm sure he is.

If your lawyer thinks you should ask for xyz, then he knows the probability of it being accepted by the courts is good.

I also agree with UM, maybe just say you will run it by your lawyer and he/she can let you know what they think of the offer.

Hugs
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #53 on: November 29, 2019, 06:19:57 AM »
I'm glad you waited before replying. 

I also think you get legal advice. 

Getting any snow there?   Have one we just finished and another one due to hit Saturday.    :(
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #54 on: November 29, 2019, 06:38:52 AM »
 :(
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #55 on: December 02, 2019, 08:25:11 AM »
Perfect one UM! I think that should just play on loop in the background when we go the the JDR. Lol. I also like your analogy!!

Thanks for the support SB and Thunder I decided not to negotiate any more.

This was my reply: "Well I guess we are at odds then. There is a formula that they use to determine spousal and the splitting of assets etc (as I am sure you are well aware of).  If I was indeed not entitled to it whatsoever, then my L wouldn't even bother to request it.  I think it is in my best interests perhaps to let the courts decide. They can be the ones to go over the financials and documentation as to what transpired in the last year and a half, as well as the 11 years together and make a call. I am really not too concerned, I am in no rush.  Cheers, FN"

I didn't get a response from H. But what I did get this weekend was a text from MIL wondering how I am? I haven't heard from her since last Feb when I wished her Happy Birthday and got a thanks back. I answered vaguely as she usually tends not to engage much past that. Then she wrote me all about FIL back surgery, Grans new home, Grans been sick (all things I already knew cuz Gran wrote me). I replied that I hope things calm down for them ,less stress and that everyone receives the healing they need. She wasn't done yet. Then she wanted to know if I see my friends, did I find a church, ohhh and the best one yet... have I started dating?! I responded with I'm keeping busy as always, I haven't found a local church yet but continue online and have no interest in dating. Fishing Expedition perhaps, in light of just having contact with H?!?!?

Well December is upon me. I woke up in  a snit this morning and trying to shake it off. I've got to get this negative December garbage out of my head. I'm struggling with the approach of 2 years since BD. Christmas was never really my deal to begin with, certainly not a fan now, but it's not like I can get around it. I don't have the option of crawling into a cave and emerging on January 1. Although that would be nice... wonder how many bags of Cheetos I'd need to get through it? And Prosecco! Lol.

I spent 2 hrs yesterday scraping hardened laundry soap encrusted with cat litter off the floor of the laundry room ( I don't have a cat). I made the mistake of vacuuming under the edge of the dryer and heard the vacuum pick up all sorts of stuff. Stuck the little edger thing under a little further and came up with a pink chewed up nail brush ???  Can't just leave that alone, so I pulled out the washer and dryer and wish I had once more listened about how "Curiosity killed the cat..." There was caked on, dried up laundry soap from who knows how long ago,with kitty litter, a lot of lint and some mysterious other liquid that was unidentifiable (other people unidentified stuff is gross). It was so disgusting! Needless to say after folding myself behind the laundry machines to get this done, I could barely unfold myself. What a pain in the patooty. When I first moved into the rental I spent a couple hours cleaning laundry soap out of where you're supposed to put liquid bleach in the washing machine...now I know where all the laundry soap leaked.   :-\ Bright side- it's done now and I don't have to worry about doing it again because I know where the soap goes!!

Dropped my items off at the craft sale Friday night and I am hoping I have nothing to bring home!!

We've had a couple dumps of snow but they have melted. This weekend was cold with a skiff of snow but we are supposed to be above zero this week. Considering it's the beginning of December we don't have much, I am A-OK with it!! There's a lot shoveling at the new place and the basement troll (renter downstairs) doesn't seem to be inclined to do much. Less snow we get the better off I am  :)

Hugs N Prayers,
FN



M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #56 on: December 02, 2019, 09:28:49 AM »
Fear, not too surprising you got no reply.  He probably thought...dang, foiled again!
I really liked how calm you sounded.  I'm in no hurry...ha ha

Your mil is not too sneaky, is she?  It sounds like the whole contact was about asking you if you were dating.  I couldn't even imagine my mil (RIP) ever asking me if I was dating yet.
Hmmm...who really wants to know?   ::)

Well dear, hope your little snit mood is over.  Although it sounds like you had ample reasons to feel that way.

Good luck on selling your items!

Hugs
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Schratz66

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #57 on: December 02, 2019, 12:31:42 PM »
I love your reply and am so proud of you for not caving and trying to make it easy on him.
You go girl.....and you must have done a very elegant fancy triple tooloop if you managed to not break a glass head on that angel...had it been me that head would have been smashed to smithereens.
Really - MIL - like that's not obvious at all on what you are doing ? I swear they think we are all as dumb as they become when they walk out. More kudos for replying casually and not revealing nothing and even more Kudos for not calling her out on her pathetic little snitch move.

I am with you on the not much of a December fan. Christmas was never fun while growing up and it is even less fun now without MLC. So, if you bring the Cheetos I will bring the wine and we can find a cave somewhere to hide out in.
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #58 on: December 05, 2019, 08:17:51 AM »
I am happy to report that the snit is over. I am going for a massage tonight to work out some of the repercussions of my wipe out!

One thing I noticed in dealing with H last week and MIL. The urge to answer immediately is long gone. I think that is a good sign. Not that there isn't some anxiety when the messages are received, but in the past I would've answered both right away and I would've answered from a more emotional place. This time I was able to process the emotion, then answer and felt no need to cave to H's requests. Progress  :)

When I spoke to my mom (bless her heart she is cup is half full kinda gal) about the MIL text. She said, do you think perhaps she was asking more for herself, because she was a) wanting to know that I had moved on and found happiness after what her turd son did or b) wondering because she still has hope that turd son might get his life back together and go back to the best thing that ever happened to that family because, the proof is in the puddin' that the OW is bat snot bonkers and I was an awesome DIL. I never thought of it that way. I just immediately went to fishing expedition because that seemed like the logical thing. H rarely talked to his parents when we were together, so who knows if he mentioned our last interaction or not. Truth is I don't know why she asked what she did, but there could be multiple reasons. I answered with the truth. Done deal but her perspective made me realize there is other avenues, and I really don't know. She always was one to ask/say slightly inappropriate things. As an example and because it's funny now, Christmas day 2016 we got up and were sitting in the living room in our PJS. She asked me if I was wearing a bra or if they were really that perky in front of H, FIL, BIL, SIL, SIL fiance and four nephews under the age of 8?!?!? Ummmm WTH?. So that being said, if she can ask that, not so much out of the realm for the dating question. Lol.

S66- we need to find that cave, I would be so down for that!!

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #59 on: December 06, 2019, 02:32:56 AM »
"Are they really that perky?"

OMG! Merry Christmas indeed!

Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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