Author Topic: My Story The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot  (Read 1547 times)

Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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My Story Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #40 on: November 15, 2019, 02:08:19 PM »
S66 - Nothing to forgive, just big hugs to you! We all get a little lost on here sometimes! I totally hear you on finding your own self worth. That is not an easy task. I spent years placing that in H and many other things. Change isn't easy but it is necessary to move forward.

Not much has been happening besides spending time with the most awesome person I know...me. Lol. I decided to throw some of my crafts in a sale and I have a couple weeks to get everything together. Time crunch!! I also am not sharing a work office right now. There was some big changes at my work in October and  initially I didn't handle it well. The gal that I have shared an office with for 7 years and has been one of my biggest supporters/ sounding board/ and hugger was promoted to a different position. That required her moving out of our office. We were both devastated when we realized we were being split up, as she too has gone through quite a bit in the last couple years. I cried for 2 days at work as did she. I was a complete disaster. It then dawned on me that perhaps I was over reacting and that it all had to do with the feeling that I was losing her/being left. The reality was (and go ahead and laugh) she was moving next door... It's not like I would never see her again, but it "felt" like it was going to be life altering (I have a difficult time with change Lol). Of course the dynamic has changed, we don't get to spend hours talking about stuff as we work, but she still here when I need her. And that is when life reinforced that I have a little more work to do!!

In other news, my SD is doing better. He spent a few days in the hospital getting his heart meds adjusted but is back in his new home. He was excited to go back which was great to hear. Tonight I am going to see "The Hiding Place" with my mom. It's a live theater production. On Monday my previous office mate and I are invited to join the Christmas Party of one of the companies I use. They are taking us to see Shaun Majumder (comedian), so that should be fun as well.

I just finished reading the book "Soul Care" and it's given me more to think about, more to work on, but a great guide(for me) to deal with some issues. I haven't heard a peep from H. I contacted my L the other day to see if there was a date for Judicial Review and we are still waiting. So since H was on my mind I decided to creep OW IG account and saw a pic of them at Halloween. It made me really sad to see how run down and unhealthy he looks, and that's not because he was in a costume  :-\. He didn't even look like the man I married.  :(. I was able to not wallow in it. I came, I creeped, I saw, I closed, I moved on to something else... Progress.

So the big news... I booked a trip to Cuba in January. SOLO. I am terrified but a little excited. Still kind of processing the feelings. I haven't traveled alone, so this is definitely new territory for me. I felt strongly that this was something that I needed to do. I might feel differently when it comes time to board the plane. Lol.

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline stillbaffled

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #41 on: November 15, 2019, 06:46:36 PM »
Nice update, FN. 

Good for you on that Cuba booking. 

I've learned to travel alone and it's been an adjustment but I'm getting there. 

I still don't look for any signs of my MLCer and the owifey.  Pretty sure it would hurt too much for me so good for you that you sailed through that. 
BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

Offline Schratz66

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #42 on: November 16, 2019, 07:16:08 PM »
Cuba - sounds exciting!!
Glad that SD is doing better and you sound so at peace.
How awe inspiring that you can creep on OW and then be done and not go into monkey brain mode.

Do you have a secret on how to get your mind back on yourself ?
Since my H is contacting more now, every contact throws me out of balance and I’m so wobbly now and need to find balance again.

What kind of crafts are you taking to the fair ?
Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #43 on: November 19, 2019, 10:24:40 AM »
SB, what would be your best piece of advice for travelling alone, besides safety issues? Frankly, I think it is better to just not look...but curiosity killed the cat, right?!?!? One day it will bite me in the ass, I am sure! Lol.

S66, I don't have a secret really. My focus has definitely been on healing what's within me, my issues, my past. A lot of ME and God. I've spent a lot of my time reading books pertaining to my faith and healing, journaling, and dealing with my thoughts. That has made it easier to put the focus back on me.

 My situation is very different from yours. I haven't laid on eyes on H in over a year. I had a couple very brief phone calls dealing with the selling the house. We didn't even sign the papers together, he made sure to avoid me. He has completely vanished from my life. How he managed to Houdini himself right out of it, still baffles me somewhat! For me, the move has been a catalyst of shifting my thinking. It really made me realize that I am on my own now. I can't count on him in anyway, shape or form. This is my life and I am getting the hang of living like he's not coming back. I often think of when I first met H and wanted nothing to do with him. I had been single  and very independent for a long time. That's where I am headed again. Doesn't mean that I am not open to reconciliation. It's not that I don't feel anything when I looked at the pics of H and OW. I had a mixture of feelings, but the resounding one was just sadness for both of them. I also think it helps that he looks nothing like the man that I fell in love with and married. It's almost is like looking at OW as being with someone completely different. I don't know her BF cuz he doesn't resemble much of my H anymore.

Now it will be a completely different story when the date for judicial review is set and I have to see them in court. When I think about that, it makes me feel sick.

I think  being in your situation would be extremely difficult and challenging. I can't say that I wouldn't feel the same you do when if I had to run into H. Balance is difficult in life as it is and certainly a big challenge in this situation for you. I lean on my faith. That's where I find my peace, but there are days where I don't feel that either and those are the days I really struggle, but I put on my music, or listen to an inspirational message (and funny enough it generally relates to whatever I have going on)  Nothing is easy about this. You have done a tremendous job and have really showed your strength. Wobbles happen. Just like the old toys (1970's)... Weebles wobble but they don't fall down!! That's you S66!

I am making a variety of wreaths, deco mesh angels, blinging some hats... generally trying to get rid of the crap in my tiny storage room :)

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline FearNotTopic starterTopic starter

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #44 on: November 26, 2019, 08:11:01 AM »
Off to a great start to Tuesday! I wiped out on the ice on the road in front of my house. I totally did the bambi. I had a heck of a time trying to stand back up. Scraped up my knuckles and banged up my knee and elbow. So graceful  :'( and then a charming email awaiting me from H.

So after crickets for a number of months H has resurfaced with a request. He hopes I'm doing well and he would like to settle out of court  ::). Heck, me too! BUT.. His deal is that I take what little we made on the house, AND I pay for the divorce AND I pay transfer fees out of that money and we call it even (no mention of any other assets etc), because if we go to court that will eat up all the money we made (or is is because he will end up having to pay what is required by law?!?!  ::)). I am going to wait to respond, because I don't think what I really want to say is what I should be responding with.  They really do come up with some doozies!!
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

Offline Thunder

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #45 on: November 26, 2019, 08:21:02 AM »
Oh geez Fear, so that was the best offer he could come up with???   ::)
Yeah you better not answer just yet.  ha ha

Sorry about your fall, hope you're not too hurt.
The Bambi comment made me laugh out loud.   ;D
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Milly

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #46 on: November 26, 2019, 11:07:32 AM »
Sorry about he Bambi fall, Fear. I hope you're not too sore tomorrow.

Re your H's request to settle out of court the way he wants it or else...These MLCers are so boring. They think they can scare monger us into doing things quickly the way they want or we will end up with nothing because of their D? My H does this, too. What they don't get is that we are not that person they left. They, unfortunately, are still the person they were when they left.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Online UrsaMajor

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #47 on: November 27, 2019, 03:52:50 AM »
Rule of Three application right there....

You mean this one?



Ouch!
Me - 56
xW - 49
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Offline Treasur

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #48 on: November 27, 2019, 04:19:21 AM »
Quote
.These MLCers are so boring.

Now this is a great example of realistic detachment lol...go Milly  :)
As we refind our sense of self and normality, the MLC stuff becomes both predictable and frankly rather dull. Even a bit silly.
The key I suspect is a combination of losing our fear and no longer feeling a need to tell them how stupid their behaviour is....
T: 18  M: 12 (at BD) No kids.
H diagnosed with severe depression Oct 15. BD May 16. OW since April 16, maybe earlier. Silent vanisher mostly.
Divorced April 18. XH married ow 6 weeks later.
Healing and growing found here https://littleplotbythesea.wordpress.com

"Option A is not available so I need to kick the s**t out of Option B" Sheryl Sandberg

Offline Philadelphiagirl

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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
« Reply #49 on: November 27, 2019, 05:16:26 AM »
I agree Milly and Treasur, it does become boring and silly! I am still working on losing my fear FN and am enduring similar scare tactics. You got this!!!! It is all so very, very predictable!

Sorry to hear about your fall, sending support, PG xxx

 

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