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Author Topic: My Story The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot

S
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Fear,

I think your Cuba trip sounds amazing - should there be little trigger hiccups - I know you can deal with it and still enjoy the sand, the sun and Mojitos on the beach :)
As far s feeling rough about finally having a date for the judicial - you are being way too hard on yourself....if that wouldn't be an unsettling thought you wouldn't be human and you wouldn't be the loving woman that you are. It's like it has all come down to this - lawyers sitting around discussing assets...this is not what we wanted, not what we expected when we said our vows.....it's your dreams and hopes and the love you had reduced to legal mambo jambo and the final days of your M.
So, give yourself permission to be upset and to grief and cry and then get on that plane and leave it all behind for a few days
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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

F
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Thunder- Thank you for the reminder about those little words and walking along side!

S66- You got me in the feelers on that one  :'(. Such a lovely post and exactly what I needed to hear!

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
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M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

s
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FN - I don't know if Tyks will see your post but I'm pretty sure that she took a couple trips to Cuba while going through this crisis.   If she's around I hope she'll drop in and give you some words of advice and also calm your nerves.  I think she had a really nice time on her trips there.

I'm sorry that you are facing this next step. 

As the others have said, you go ahead and grieve and process however you need to.  Post here and we'll offer support and encouragement. 

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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

S
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FN - Walking beside you.
I remember when my H's divorce was finally done.
My L called me and said "it's done".
In all the time leading up to it, I was so upset, not wanting it to really happen.
Then when it was over, it was a little anti=climactic.
I still didn't want it, but it was just over - just like that.
Try not to get involved - don't go to court or proceedings unless you have to.
Much of it can be done without you there.

Enjoy your trip to Cuba.
My first "solo" trip out of the country was to BonAire to scuba dive.
Was amazing and quite liberating to be able to go to such a remote place and just enjoy myself and my time.  You'll look back and remember this trip forever.
Have a mojito for us!  Cheers!

Sea
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Seahorses have one mate for life...

F
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SB- Thanks for you support. I'd love to hear any tips that the peeps have for solo travel :) and about experiences. Please do share!! Every time I hear of someone who has done it, it bolsters me a little and makes me think I can do this!!

Sea
FN - Walking beside you

Made me think of this! Thanks friend  :)

Don't walk behind me; I may not lead.
Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow.
Just walk beside me and be my friend.

Albert Camus

I think the time leading up is probably worse. The monkeys get going a little. The JDR does require me to go. It will just be our L's , a judge, H and I which at least removes the stress of OW being there. Since we haven't been able to come to agreement, this is an attempt to make that happen. I am praying that it's enough to put a fire under H's arse and settle it prior to the date, now that it's set. A girl can dream... and pray.

As for the trip, perhaps it will be a "TSN Turning Point" for me. I kinda feel like it might be.  :) I know I'm not the first LBS to do it, and certainly won't be the last. I have yet to hear from anyone who has tried solo travel that it wasn't worth it! So thank you for reinforcing that.

Ramblings
So last night I had a really weird/disturbing dream. I rarely dream, or maybe I just don't recall, but this one got me a little riled. Lol. I dreamt that I came home from work and H was in my new place (but it was actually our old neighborhood). He had obtained a copy of the key from someone who had previously lived there. He needed somewhere to stay. Then all of a sudden OW comes walking out of the spare room. (Wth?) I told him that they both could not stay. He was welcome, she was not. They had until the following day to figure it out, but they both were not welcome in MY home. The conversations were point blank,no drama, yelling etc. Just a regular calm conversation. I started walking out and OW follows me and asks how to get to the church in the neighborhood, as H was going to go there. I told her he knows how to get there,he's not a dummy, but gave directions anyways. Then I woke up... and pondered it for the rest of the night so I am a little sandy eyed this morning ::). Lol.

I also had a friend contact me and ask if I wanted to go to a speed dating thingy with her when I get back from my holiday. I don't think that's in my wheelhouse, and don't really feel the desire to date. She suggested to just think of it as a night out, have some fun, meet some peeps, I don't have to follow through on it if I don't want to. I really don't know about that. I'm thinking that might fall into leading others on, since I don't think I have any intentions of following through. Thoughts on that LBS's?

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
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M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

S
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I'll give you the same advice that was given to me about a month ago.
Don't do it unless you're sure you want to date.
I'm not sure what this would provide you with, since you're not really wanting to at this point.

I think it was UM who was wise in reminding me that even "friends" of the opposite sex can be treading on thin ice...

Of course, you need to follow your heart, but I don't get the impression it would serve you well.

Sea
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Seahorses have one mate for life...

F
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Sea- Thank you! I really didn't want to, but was falling into the people pleasing trap. Lol. Thank you for the reminder and UM's advice is solid as well!! The bonus is, the event sold out as well, so I don't even have to consider it anymore  ;D

In other news...
Nothing much happening. We are having super cold weather, so I'll be hibernating this weekend. We are supposed to be around -28C (with windchill)for the weekend and Monday/Tuesday are -40C (with windchill). Getting outta dodge is starting to look pretty darn appealing!!! Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
  • Logged
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

F
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Well, here goes nothing! Off on my solo adventure tomorrow bright and early. It is -37c without the windchill... so see ya later crappy weather!
I have some butterflies about this, but am feeling a little more confident about it than I thought I would  ;D.Looking forward to the down time, and decompressing. No internet/wifi for a blessed week!! Later Gators!

Hugs N Prayers,
FN
  • Logged
M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

s
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Hey FN,

Have a great time.  Enjoy that warmer weather.  We got snow last night and are expecting another 8-10 inches on Friday/Saturday! 

I'll check back to see how much fun you had.   
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

M
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Have a great time!
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Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

 

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