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Author Topic: My Story The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot

s
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My Story Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#110: February 07, 2020, 07:32:21 PM
What a fabulous travel report, FN! 

All that and a bag of chips, indeed! 

You knocked it out of the park. 
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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

F
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Re: The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#111: February 08, 2020, 03:04:03 PM
Thank you all for the love, support and reading my ridiculously long ramble  ;D. I truly have zero regrets doing it and learned so much.
Upintheair- I heard this so many times before I pulled the trigger " Just do it, you won't regret it." So that is my advice to you. Just pull the trigger. Boom!

Journaling:

Now that I have returned from my journey and returned to regular life, I want nothing more than to do it again. Lol.

I returned on Jan 22 and on Jan 28 it would've been our wedding anniversary. The day wasn't without sadness, but I think I still had the giddiness of my accomplishment to dull it a bit. There were some tears, but the need to wallow and almost "honor" that day wasn't there. I really don't even know how to explain it. It wasn't that I didn't want to acknowledge it but it seemed like the date had lost some of it's power, if that makes sense?!?! Maybe because I just got back from the scene of the crime (married in Cuba)?!?! Faced one of my biggest fears. Not sure.

On Tuesday I received and email from my L that H's L is requesting the appraisals that I had done with the realtors in 2018 for the pre judicial resolution meeting on March 19. I have no idea why this would even be needed since we sold with a different realtor and we ended up doing ok. I don't want to ask my L why she thinks they need it b/c that's probably a $200 question. Lol. The problem is the one realtor provided the information via an email link and it no longer works. I have contacted him and haven't been able to get a response. I guess I can only do what I can do. Maybe it's supposed to go that way. The email did wind me up a bit. It's funny how you seem to have an edge on it all and then all of a sudden something happens and bam... you're rattled.

This weekend is quiet. Just hanging out at home. I bought a new mattress and am awaiting it's arrival. See ya later marital bed (ok realistically it's going in the spare room...just sounding tougher than I am lol). 

Oh ya... I have been reading "The Year of Yes" by Shonda Rhimes. It always amazes me when I come across something that is so relate-able at the right time and this is another one for me. One of the things she talks about is the statement "Your so lucky" in relation to our accomplishments, travels etc. When I was away, one of the friends that I have chosen to distant myself from, sent me a message wondering why I wasn't answering her, as she tried different messaging apps. I wrote back saying I was away. She asked where and I told her. Her response was "You're so lucky". This statement really burned my ass that day. Her of all people knows why I would be by myself, the time frame, going back to the island I married H etc. That this wasn't luck as to why I where I was. I thought what an @$$hole reply but responded "thank you, yes I am". It wasn't until I was reading that I fully understood the negativity that "You're so lucky" invokes. That when we use it (and I have used it myself) it has a belittling to it, a take you down b/c I am envious and don't have the ability to truly compliment or acknowledge in truly positive way . Like we didn't work for what we have or have done. Yes if you won the lottery...yes.. that's luck.  I understood in that moment why it pissed me off. I worked hard, physically, mentally and emotionally to get to where I was at that moment. What I learned is that I need to be more cautious using that statement. That for myself going forward instead of using that, and it tearing someone down in a false positive way.. use a truly positive statement. I need to be aware of when I want to use it and the why behind it, b/c chances are I'm not coming from a sincere place and need to check myself. So I learned that so far from the book and the root of why it pissed me off...lol

Hope everyone has a good weekend!

Hugs N  Prayers,
FN
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M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#112: March 03, 2020, 08:04:09 PM
So glad to hear you had a good time on your trip FN.
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M-42
H-44
S-20 (mine)
D-18 (ours)
S-15 (ours)
Friends 7y before M
Married 14y
BD 12/14/15 - 2 weeks after 14th anniv.
Divorce final 4/13/16
EA - 9/15-4/16
New GF 12/16
Engaged 6/17 (I found out 8/10/17)
Moved to her State 4 States away - 7/13/17 (told me 4 days before)
Eng. off 8/20/17
Moved back to our State 8/24/17
New GF 2/29/20 (Told me 4/22/20)
Marrying her 4/24/20 (Told me 4/22/20)

Link to my journey: 
https://mlcforum.theherosspouse.com/index.php?topic=11404.0

"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass - it's about learning to dance in the rain."

"Don't become a container for bitterness.  It's a toxin that destroys what it's carried in."

"Sometimes - some things have to break apart so better things can be built."

S
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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#113: March 25, 2020, 10:00:36 AM
Just checking in Fear to see how you've been.
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H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

F
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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#114: April 09, 2020, 07:57:31 AM
Hi S66! Thanks for thinking of me! Hugs!!I hope you are well. I will have to go check out your thread  :)

Update
Well it's been awhile since I've been here and the world is turned upside down. I am praying that my fellow LBS'ers are safe and healthy. My world has changed a little with COVID but certainly not to the extent of others. At this time I am still going to work even though we have the ability to work from home. The vibe we get regarding that, is that our company is a little worried about productivity and it is easier to keep an eye on us if we are in the office. I understand their side of it to a certain extent, but on the other hand considering what is happening.... Yesterday our receptionist came to work with cold/flu symptoms to tell our boss she was sick and was sent home immediately. I know she is afraid of losing her job and that her choice to come anyways was made out of fear. There is so much of that right now. I can feel the anxiety and fear from my co workers (and everyone else). It breaks my heart.

I'm a bit of introvert so the staying at home thing really isn't a huge issue for me. Although it seems as soon as your told to stay home, my inner 12 year old just wants to rebel (but I'm not). Lol. I have been chatting with some friends on the House Party app and we have been having some good laughs. Last Friday there was 6 of us, 3 I didn't know, friends of friends, having wine and hanging out. We all had boxes of Costco tinfoil so we had a tinfoil challenge and each had to make something. There was some pretty creative stuff. There were some funny hats, a horse head mask made an appearance, someone in a swim suit and a snorkel. 5 hours later it ended with us each making a snack and heading to bed. I got up the next morning and my house was a mess..just like a real house party, except with no one to blame. Lol I do enjoy seeing how people are getting creative and entertaining themselves. The streaming of music and the music compilations that people are putting together while being apart. Technology IS really crazy!

Due to all this craziness the JDR with H was cancelled. I wasn't really surprised but when I got the email, it made me realize how much stock I was putting into that happening. I had a couple emotional days and then decided it was time to buck up. Rumor has it that H had to cut his month long trip to Jamaica short and head home to quarantine for 2 weeks. I was a little glad that it wasn't me that was stuck with him for those 2 weeks. He's not a great home body by any means. I think in some ways I am very blessed to be by myself at this time, where I only have to worry about myself. I can't imagine the stress for parents, live in MLC'ers etc. My prayers are with you.

That's about it in my world, besides the fact I got sucked into the whole Tiger King craze and lost 6 hours of my life. Lol

Time to catch up on here!

Hugs N Prayers, Stay healthy and Safe my Friends!
FearNot
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M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

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Hi Fear,

Good to hear from you, but what is JDR?  I suppose I should know.  ha ha

Yes I love how creative people are being.  I've smile at the many fun ways people are staying in touch with family and friends.

I'm a homebody by nature so it's not too hard for me to stay home either.  I always find something to keep me busy, even though one has been catching up on old TV series.
I'm not much of a TV person normally.

Well thanks for the update.  Keep yourself safe!

{{Big Hug}}
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A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

F
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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#116: April 09, 2020, 10:07:01 AM
Hi Thunder! Glad to hear you are well and keeping entertained. Sorry I am so used to just saying JDR. I forget it's not the normal lingo. Lol We were supposed to have our Judicial Dispute Resolution on April 28th in hopes of moving things forward, since H is not willing to negotiate with just our L's. Living La Vida Limbo continues.  ::)
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M 48
H 41
No Kids
Married 5yrs, Together 11yrs
BD Oct 31/17
ILYBINILWY Dec 21/17
2nd BD- Dec 27/17
OW-Confirmed Jan 3/18

 Isaiah 43:1 " But the Lord says.. Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. "

"It's ok to be scared. Being scared means you're about to do something really, really brave." Anonymous

s
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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#117: April 09, 2020, 12:05:13 PM

That's about it in my world, besides the fact I got sucked into the whole Tiger King craze and lost 6 hours of my life. Lol


Good to hear from you, FN. 

I also got sucked in to The Tiger King.   Some bizarre to go with the bizarre in my life right now! 

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BD: 1/1/16
Together 15 years - married 7 years
His divorce final 7/26/16
Married the OW

After all, tomorrow is another day.

S
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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#118: April 09, 2020, 06:41:24 PM
Fear Not -
Great to catch up.
I'm sorry that the uncertain work situation is stressful for everyone.
I can't wait for things to normalize to whatever the new "normal" will be.

Staying at home is very comfortable for me.
I don't get bored, and always find things to do, so really am enjoying it when it happens.
I guess I'd consider myself an introvert as well, but never really thought of myself as that.

Your house party sounds fun. 
I'm too intimidated to do anything like that!~
I don't even face time!  LOL

It's interesting that you were looking forward to the JDR.
Do you think that's a matter of just wanting it to be done, or are you looking forward to being divorced?
Two totally different things...
Let us know how your heart is doing.

Hugs,
Sea
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Seahorses have one mate for life...

A
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The Story Continues- Sold to the only bidder- FearNot
#119: April 25, 2020, 04:40:07 PM
Hi FN - I just read your latest update.  Seems like you are doing pretty well up there despite the covid restrictions.    I have to admit, I cracked up reading about your Houseparty night and waking up the next morning to a mess, LOL.   Sounds like you all had a great time from your respective homes.   I join a House Party or a Zoom about once a week.   It's fun but we are good for about 90 minutes and that's it, and the house looks the same after as it did before.   ::) 

Regarding your h
Quote
I was a little glad that it wasn't me that was stuck with him for those 2 weeks. He's not a great home body by any means. I think in some ways I am very blessed to be by myself at this time, where I only have to worry about myself. I can't imagine the stress for parents, live in MLC'ers etc.
This is me too FN.  I have frequently thought how nice is has been to be on my own as opposed still living with my h through these restrictions.   Way before BD he had the ability to drive me up the wall when he was cooped up for any reason - pacing the house, sighing loud and often,,,, made it impossible for me to enjoy relaxing when he was so stressed out.   I also think about and feel bad for the many women out there who might now have abusive or alcoholic  husbands with them 24/7 for weeks at a time with no end in sight.  I can't imagine living in more stressful conditions than this and grateful that I'm not.  So yeah,,, I have a lot to be grateful for despite the circumstances.  I am more introvert than extrovert as well and generally do fine on my own, however after 5 1/2 weeks of this, I'm getting just a little bit lonely.   Looks like another 3 weeks for us to go at least.  I could be a complete nut case by then as the cabin fever is starting to put down serious roots now.   :-\     

Maybe I'll look into that Tiger King craze - or is it a big waste of time?   No idea what it is but I'll google it. 

Take care FN and one day,,, the weather will clear and the pandemic will ease up and we can continue with our plans to visit and play golf.   8)

Anon
xoxo

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"This too shall pass.  It might pass like a kidney stone but it will pass."
"Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown.  Instead, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus."

 

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