Author Topic: My Story Shocks sis recovered MLCer  (Read 3249 times)

Offline megogirl

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My Story Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer
« Reply #90 on: June 12, 2019, 02:20:07 PM »
No mine never asked either, but it's just a word that is constantly mentioned - most notably by recovered MLC'ers.

Can time "run out" for them?  Is the LBS hitting the road when their "time" finally expires?

« Last Edit: June 12, 2019, 02:29:16 PM by megogirl »

Online Disillusioned

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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer
« Reply #91 on: June 12, 2019, 02:25:36 PM »
Mine originally asked for "space."  I have since found out that is common when someone is having an affair.

After I moved out, she constantly said she didn't want to talk to me other than about D8 for "1 to 2 years" because she didn't want anything she said to be used against her.  When I asked specifically what that meant; IN COURT???  DURING RECONNECTION?  She would just say "I don't know."  In December, during a particularly ugly scene (instigated by me) she said "You've only been gone a year!  Do you need to borrow money or something?" because I was pushing her back to mediation.  She asked me to back off through the holidays due to her mother's illness, which I did.  She also mentioned needing to "grieve the AP" and her hormones.

So, I continued to push her into mediation until she went and got an attorney instead. 

I guess if you can give them time, give it to them. Some may know they need it.  I couldn't do it, and now D is filed.  That doesn't mean the outcome would have been different, I know.  But, I certainly wasn't good at following the "No R talks" mantra.
M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
STBXW filed D behind my back.

Offline Thunder

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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer
« Reply #92 on: June 12, 2019, 02:37:09 PM »
It's a very hard one to follow, but once I did he seemed more relaxed I wasn't constantly bringing it up.  Like he was going to be attacked, or was going to be asked questions he had no answers for.
Much less pressured.
A quote from a recovered MLCer: 
"From my experience if my H had let me go a long time ago, and stop pressuring me, begging, and pleading and just let go I possibly would have experienced my awakening sooner than I did."

Offline Standing Strong

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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer
« Reply #93 on: June 12, 2019, 03:01:45 PM »
Mine has never asked for time, or space.... she's only said she wants to run and get away.

I'm the one saying time and space.

In W's mind, it's over. She is hoping I'll bring up D or start one (NEVER!!!).
Time seems to annoy her, like she has something important to do or something.

I'd be happy if mine asked for time and space.

-SS
W - 38
M - 41
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

Online Disillusioned

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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer
« Reply #94 on: June 12, 2019, 03:24:31 PM »
SS - I also got "I feel like I need to run away."  Also "I hate my job"  (right, because you are dating a married man at work) and "I wish I could get hit by a bus."  There's a million things she said, and things she did (like taking off her wedding ring and telling me to start sleeping with other women) that will haunt me for years. 

Do your best to follow the advice on here.  Don't engage, don't snoop and make sure you detach.  Go about your own life.  If she stays, she stays.  Mine did, but in the end, I was the one that moved out.  It was too crazy for me to want my D7 (at the time) to be seeing everything that was starting to happen there.  Also, I felt like I was going to go crazy, while in the mean time she seemed to be in perfect control other than her extreme hatred of me.

It broke my heart, and broke my will.  Moving out was a last ditch effort to save myself.  The fact that it's resulting in divorce is secondary.
M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
STBXW filed D behind my back.

Offline Anon

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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer
« Reply #95 on: June 12, 2019, 05:12:56 PM »
Hi Shock’s Sis.  You are very brave and thank you for visiting with us.  I am very grateful to read your thoughts.  My question is this:  was it you or your xh who asked for the divorce?  How long after bd was that?   How long did it take to go through from the first request for the D to the final D?  If it was you who requested the D, did that come from pressure from om or was it what you wanted?    Did you ever wish you hadn’t started down the D road before it was final?   If it was your xh that asked for the D, how did you feel about it?  Did the request have any impact at all on your MLC? 

Thank you!

Offline Jackolar12

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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer
« Reply #96 on: June 12, 2019, 05:51:00 PM »
Mine asked me to wait for her and here I am still waiting!

Offline megogirl

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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer
« Reply #97 on: June 12, 2019, 06:05:42 PM »
Mine asked me to wait for her and here I am still waiting!

GAH!  "Wait for her" is the same as asking for "time"!  WHY?!?  Why can't they just be normal?!? 

I will never, ever understand their brains.....
« Last Edit: June 12, 2019, 06:20:16 PM by megogirl »

Offline OffRoad

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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer
« Reply #98 on: June 12, 2019, 06:19:49 PM »
Thank you for posting Shock's Sis. I completely understand your not wanting to talk about the elephant in the room. How would that go? "I am so sorry I screwed up our marriage. It was never your fault and I still love you and miss you." And your X thinks "She screwed me over for nothing ?" Or "I miss her so much, but I have this child...." or " I need to get out of this horrible marriage so I can be with her." Or a host of other thoughts, all of them being detrimental to his own situation. The only good solution is to wait until he has figured himself and what he wants out. Otherwise, Shock's Sis is putting herself in the position of OW, if only by the fact that her X Is so unhappy.

I am glad that you have learned much, Shock's Sis, and thankful you are willing to share.
When life gives you lemons, make SALSA!

Offline Standing Strong

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Re: Shocks sis recovered MLCer
« Reply #99 on: June 12, 2019, 08:08:45 PM »
Hey Shock-Sis,

I can't remember if this was asked in the original thread or not...... did you figure out what you had to figure out from the MLC? I remember you knew the trigger, but what was the underlying problem that needed to be resolved? I'm just curious if the resolution made sense to you, or if it's also a mystery and you don't know why you had an MLC?

On the thread about "does an A help or hinder an MLC'er"...... what do you think in your situation? Did the A serve a purpose? If it did, what was the purpose?

Thanks!

-SS
W - 38
M - 41
Together 24 years, M 21
No kids
BD - 27th April 2019

 

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