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Author Topic: My Story Am I strong enough

S
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My Story Re: Am I strong enough
#10: June 24, 2019, 02:24:06 AM
Thank you Schratz and Ready for your support.

I have nothing to report on the MLC H. He is doing whatever he does. I don't see him and don't text unless to say something about the boys. But he does reply and then tells me what he is doing or plans to do but I can say I don't really care.

I have got my finances in order and so after much looking and talking to all my friends and work buddies I bought a car. I decided I wanted to start again so am trading in what was the car I had during my marriage. I am so excited as it is something I picked all by myself. I am hoping to get it by Thursday so the boys and I can go cruising around before I have to hand them off to their father for the school holidays on Friday.

I hope Friday I will still be miss awesomely independent given seeing MLC H is a huge trigger for me. But I have planned a few fun things to do over the weekend so I don't marinate in pity.

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M 39
H 40
Together 20yrs
Married 11yrs
S 10
S 8
BD Jul/Aug 2018

S
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Re: Am I strong enough
#11: September 17, 2019, 07:47:50 PM
Just checking in.

Nothing has changed in my situation. Kids and I are off on our first overseas holiday together in 2 and a bit weeks. That is very exciting, then I have my big 4 0 coming. I have to get to and plan what I am going to do for that but I am excited. I have joined the gym and have been attending during my lunch break which I am loving although I have strained/over worked my knee so am taking it easy this week. But I can do a push up again so am pretty proud of myself.

The weather is finally getting warm so that adds joy to my day.

As for my MLC H. Who knows what is going on there. We don't talk. Yes I still hurt and still find it hard to wrap my head around what exactly happened but I try not to get involved in anything going on with him.  Perhaps he is reconnecting with the kids as he is wanting to spend more time with them?  But then there are times that he has to run away again because it all gets too much for him. At least that is what I think is happening, I don't really know. His life is a mess. He quit his job in February and then lived overseas for 3 months and now he is looking for work but nothing is coming his way. If I happen to talk to him he is always talking about having no money and I just say nothing.

The other day he used "we" when talking about expenses relating to the kids that I pay. I said nothing, I have given up caring or rather I have given up trying to be right. I know my truth.  I no longer get monster, but I have stepped right back from him. I ask nothing of him when it comes to our relationship. I have worked out that if he wants to be with me then he will have to pursue. I am an awesome lady that only a fool would leave.

I hope that H is progressing. I want him to be able to be happy again. But mostly I hope I can continue to improve because I deserve the best.
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M 39
H 40
Together 20yrs
Married 11yrs
S 10
S 8
BD Jul/Aug 2018

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Re: Am I strong enough
#12: September 17, 2019, 10:02:39 PM
Yes!!!! You sound awesome!
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Re: Am I strong enough
#13: September 18, 2019, 03:48:08 AM
As I read this, you are doing well, getting your life together and growing forward...

H, on the other hand is what we in the military commonly referred to as an "LBITG" (Lost Ball In Tall Grass - NOT to be confused with Dumbfounded's LB - Leaky Bucket).

You have said that you have moved and that H has basically ceded all custody/parental rights to you, right? Have there been other legal steps taken, i. e. legal separation/divorce?

Honestly, it sounds as if his mom's brush with death triggered his own realisations of mortality and therefore his crisis...

Focusing on a different thing, you and your boys are on your first overseas trip soon... To where? Someplace fun and exciting I hope! And, you mentioned the weather finally starting to get warm which I assume means that you are somewhere down under because here in Germany, the leaves are beginning to think about turning and the nights are getting cooler... ..
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Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
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Re: Am I strong enough
#14: September 19, 2019, 08:02:46 AM
You sound like you are in a good place Sailing - keep on going. Who cares about H - it's all about you feel. The big 4 0 …...piece of cake - honestly that one did not bother me as much as the 5 0 …hope you celebrate yourself in style.
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Me 53
H 51
AD 22 from previous R
Known H since 1993
Together since 2000
BD 06/21/2017
OW High School Sweetheart lives 4 hrs away

S
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Re: Am I strong enough
#15: November 25, 2019, 08:00:25 PM
It has been some time since I posted. Here is what is happening in my world and I need some advice/guidance.

October school holidays started and the boys spent the week with their dad. Meanwhile I got a postal notification that there was a letter waiting for me at the post office.  I scratched my head over what it could be because I wasn't expecting anything. That arrived the Monday, due to working full-time 9-5 Monday - Friday there was no way I could get it before I went on my holiday. So I left it.

Then on the Saturday I get a text message from the MLCer. "I am out celebrating our youngest sons birthday, did you get the letter I sent you, what time do you want me to drop the boys back to you" I text back "what was the letter?" "6pm drop off" I then get back "It is the divorce papers". So that left me speechless. Needless to say I didn't say anything back.

Monday the boys and I get on the plane and head to LA from Australia to visit Disneyland and Universal Studios. We had a great time!!!

Arrive back on the Friday 2 weeks later, head to work Monday morning and he sent someone to serve me at work. He has to serve me within 28 days of the court date otherwise it can't go ahead.  I see the original court date was 3 days after my 40th birthday. Again I say noting to MLCer. This same day I am served divorce papers I contact child support and ask them to start pursuing him as he has paid nothing for over 6 months. Yet he continues to travel overseas etc.

So my birthday arrives and first thing in the morning I get a text message from MLCer to say I am a wonderful person and deserve the best in life. After wondering for quite a number of hours what the heck he is smoking because that cat is crazy I send back "thanks".

Divorce happened a week ago. I say nothing. So effectively haven't spoken to him in 2/3 months.

Last night I got an email from my kids school as one of the kids was a bit disrespectful to a teacher. I didn't contact MLCer as I decided he will have to chase me if ever he wants to talk. Anyway he called the kids and must of spoke about what happened at school. I then get into work this morning and I have an email waiting from him that is in response to the teacher. The first paragraph states "We had a discussion with S last night about incident".

Now I didn't talk to him and he didn't talk to me. Do you think in his mind he had a conversation with me? And do you think I should try and reach out to him to try and co-parent? My feeling is that no I should not, that he should be the one to reach out to me. Especially as the boys live with me 85% of the year.

It is just I am so close to the whole situation and don't know if I am being petty. If he texts me to have the boys for the weekend I will text yes.
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M 39
H 40
Together 20yrs
Married 11yrs
S 10
S 8
BD Jul/Aug 2018

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Re: Am I strong enough
#16: November 26, 2019, 06:46:31 AM
My first thought was "What do you mean "we" buddy? You got a mouse in your pocket or something?"

You will, by default, need to have some contact with him if you are to co-parent effectively but it is up to you how much and in what form.

I can say from personal experience so far that polite and cordial beats the alternative of nasty.... Doesn't mean you have to act like he's your BFF (because he isn't) but if you can maintain the peace, it is easier all the way around...

UM
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« Last Edit: November 26, 2019, 06:56:14 AM by UrsaMajor »
Me - 57, xW - 50
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation & 21 at D-Day
S - 13, D - 9
2 Dogs
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Divorce final 30 August 2019

Survival Instructions for Newbies
Site Map
 
A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

 

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