Author Topic: My Story Beauty into Beast 13  (Read 2202 times)

Offline Acorn

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My Story Re: Beauty into Beast 13
« Reply #30 on: June 17, 2019, 02:01:52 PM »
The word ‘standing’ has knobs on it.  It sounds like ‘foot rot’, ‘stagnant and stinking’, ‘idiotic non-movement’, ‘stupidly stuck’, etc. 
There must be a better word than that. 
The imagery it creates couldn’t be farther from what LBS needs to do.

Come on, Morte, give us a word that can replace ‘standing’.
« Last Edit: June 17, 2019, 02:02:59 PM by Acorn »
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Feb 2015: BD.  H has a Nuclear meltdown. 
Oct 2015: ILYBIANILWY.
Apr 2016: Affair discovered
Dec 2017: Seriously reconnecting

Online Disillusioned

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Re: Beauty into Beast 13
« Reply #31 on: June 17, 2019, 02:08:38 PM »
The word ‘standing’ has knobs on it.  It sounds like ‘foot rot’, ‘stagnant and stinking’, ‘idiotic non-movement’, ‘stupidly stuck’, etc. 
There must be a better word than that. 
The imagery it creates couldn’t be farther from what LBS needs to do.

Conscientious objector   ;)
M=51
W=47
D=8
BD Feb 17 Thinking of divorce
Atomic BD June 17 Spying revealed OM at work
Still home.  Threatened to leave several times and has asked me to leave about a dozen. 
Says divorce proceedings will start Jan 18.
She has scheduled mediation Feb 7,  2018
I moved out March 16, 2018
Several mediations, mostly instigated by me.  Foot dragging by STBXW.  Nothing filed. Yet.
5/2019 STBXW filed D behind my back despite signed agreement to mediate.
I retain attorney.
STBXW still hasn't told me and no further action.

Offline MortesbrideTopic starter

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Re: Beauty into Beast 13
« Reply #32 on: June 17, 2019, 03:14:44 PM »

The only part where I differ from you is "going with the flow". To me going with the flow is immediately filling the void. Our MLCer's go with the flow. They just try and make themselves happy even if in the long run they are hurting themselves. Going with the flow is not deliberate or intentional. It is just a decision made in the moment.

Your mother became involved with less than desirable men. She looked at each one of them as the 'love of her life'. From my perspective, she more addicted to the hormones of initial romance and picked men she could easily drop and move onto the next high. Who knows? Or maybe deep down inside, she felt that this is what she deserved? Either way, she went with the flow.

In your situation, did you drop beast and go look for someone new? Did you look for someone to fill the void? That's going with the flow. Standing is more intentional and focused way of living. Even if you and Beast never get back together, I think standing gives you the time to respond rather than react to the situations unfolding before you.

Clearly you and I have two very different ideas of what ''go with the flow'' means. Go with the flow for me is more like....you are thrown into a rapid turbulent river rapids...Now what do you do to survive? You can swim and fight and use up all your energy trying to swim upstream until you eventually give out and either drowned, or have to float with the tide.....or you can choose to lie on your back floating, watching the sky as you flow with the river...until you arrive at a bank full of energy ready to fight.

My mother chasing man after man is not going with the flow...that is swimming up the same stream. If I had dropped Beast and started to look for a man.. I would be swimming against the stream. Using all my energy to stay in the same place instead of just letting the river take me where I am meant to be.


Morte, your introspection and brutal honesty about yourself never cease to amaze me. Asking the hard questions and being completely honest is really the only way to grow.  And I would say you are doing that masterfully.

I also like Ready's definition of Standing. It is NOT waiting by any means. But you don't necessarily need to define what you are doing anyway. B/c at the end of the day, you are DOING so much for yourself and your beautiful children.  Maybe Beast will catch up. Maybe not. That question doesn't matter right now though does it?

Thank you, and no it doesn't.  :)


The word ‘standing’ has knobs on it.  It sounds like ‘foot rot’, ‘stagnant and stinking’, ‘idiotic non-movement’, ‘stupidly stuck’, etc. 
There must be a better word than that. 
The imagery it creates couldn’t be farther from what LBS needs to do.

Come on, Morte, give us a word that can replace ‘standing’.


How about flowing and growing?  ;D

Or maybe LBS leveling up.  8)
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline UrsaMajor

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Re: Beauty into Beast 13
« Reply #33 on: June 18, 2019, 12:12:17 AM »
Mort,

I am with you on the "Go with the Flow" definition....

Going with the flow is taking the path of least resistance in order to have the time to recharge, renew, and work on what each of us thinks we need to work on.  I TOTALLY agree that going out and getting into a Rebound Relationship is swimming against the Rip Tide because we will invariably end up with some broken individual... after all, just like the Mid-Lifer, Broken attracts Broken.
Me - 56
STBXW - 48
Together 19 years - Married 17 at separation
S - 12
D - 8
2 Dogs (1 each)
BD#1 - August 2015
Atomic BD - 13 Dec 2015
House sold & separated - Mar 2016
Mid-Lifer filed for D
Waiting for final decree

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A "friend" will not "stand by you" no matter what you do. That is NOT a friend. That is an enabler. That is an accomplice.
A REAL friend will sit you down and tell you to your face to stop being a firetrucking idiot before you ruin your life and the lives of those around you.

Online readytofixmyselffirst

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Re: Beauty into Beast 13
« Reply #34 on: June 18, 2019, 07:43:08 PM »
Hello,

Quote
Clearly you and I have two very different ideas of what ''go with the flow'' means.

Yes, we do. I am from the deep south. "Go with the flow" means take the easy way and not make waves. Do what everyone else does and be quiet.

For example when the teenagers where picking on the young man, 'go with the flow' would mean, leave them alone. It's not your problem.  Another example would be, why stand? Woldn't it be easier to just get a divorce and find someone new. That's my definition of going with the flow.

So, we are not far apart in our ideas, but just our terminology.

(((Hugs)))

Ready
"Always look in the mirror and love what you see."

Offline MortesbrideTopic starter

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Re: Beauty into Beast 13
« Reply #35 on: June 20, 2019, 11:12:01 AM »
Update time. Can't believe I haven't updated MLCer shenanigans since my Exam.  :o

I suppose at this stage it just starts to be the same old same old...blend of nutter butterness.

The main highlights thus far:
-He has now went out of his way to download a game that me and son play together. A game he said was 'trash' and mocked me for a year for playing. He has played with me and son 3 times since he got it.  ::)

-I previously have mentioned that for some reason, 2 years on, he still keeps two pictures of me in his wallet hidden behind a picture of the kids. The day before his festival he sent me a picture on WA of these two with the caption ''Here's a blast from the past'' so I replied ''Time for you to burn them?'' he said ''That's harsh'' and I said ''What else would you be doing with old pictures of me from 2 years ago''. Instinctively I knew he was taking them out of his wallet to protect them from the rain and mud, but I wondered what he would do with them. Would he stick them in the bin finally? Would he put them in the box with his ring? Would he put them in a drawer until he got back?I don't suppose it matters with social media and all that...but for some reason they signify something and I wondered what it means if they are gone now? (More on this later)

-He was gone over the weekend for his festival. I was convinced it was him, BIL, and of course OW. I guess I just assume she goes everywhere now as that is safer and avoids disappointment type feelings later. If I assume the worst then it can't hurt me type mentality. I was feeling a bit of FOMO (fear of missing out). A bit bummed that I didn't get to go see all these bands and experience a tent and festival vibe, but partially because he was going to experience all these things without me. I couldn't help it, it was there. Even though I knew at least 85% of the trip would be complaints and moaning. ::) Anyway turns out it was a wash out...news articles about people leaving before it even started. Mud so thick people were dislocating their hip trying to walk in it. :o I felt less FOMO then ha! :D Later I got all the horror stories including a broken tent, toilet so covered in faeces it made him vomit everywhere, and laying in a tent from 2-11pm one night alone. He repeatedly mentioned being alone since BIL went off with his friend, and I of course was sceptical, but I think he might actually be telling the truth as a few situations didn't make much sense if she had went... For instance they left at 11pm and didn't arrive home the next day until 9 am. When I asked him why considering it is like a 5 hour drive he said he took three wrong turns, and ended up having a nap. I said ''Not just take turns driving?'' and he persisted with the ''BIL can't drive who else would be driving?!'' Type chat...I will eventually speak to BIL so I guess it is safe to say she didn't go as BIL will tell me if she did. It is kinda irrelevant if she did or didn't I suppose at the end of the day, I just find it super weird that you would lend your car to your 'BF' and his brother to drive down 6 hours to a festival all weekend and not want to go? But at the end of the day their whole situation is firetrucking weird so... ::)

-Wed he came over for contact. I thought he might r/s as there was kids school events on Thursday...so usually he would just swap days. This time he decided to double up and see them twice. So Wed he came over for 2 hours or so. The weird thing (funny I know) is when I called him to confirm if he was coming or not he actually answered the phone?! I know...sounds ridiculous when you say that but anyone with a MLCer knows what it is like. Don't think the man has answered the phone to me straight away in nearly 2 years....granted I do not phone often. Anyway he confirmed he was coming so I brought the kids home from the park to meet him.

-I asked him if we could get school uniforms for the kids since his work has a sale, plus he gets a discount off the top. Originally he moaned about not having money and I simply said ''I am not expecting you to pay for it, I could just use the discount to save me some money''. He then made a big deal about how we couldn't be seen in the shop together because ''He couldn't be bothered dealing with all the rumours''. I could not help myself and I burst out laughing and said ''I know! Can you imagine?! Going to the shops to buy school uniforms with your wife?! The insanity!!!''. He then started to skirt around some third party type comments about ''they will make his life difficult'' type chat, pretending as if he is talking about the old ladies at his work. ::) I said ''What you mean to say is someone will go off their nut with jealousy?!'' and he was like ''No..no...uh...'' and just sorta looked away. Bingo! ;)  So I said ''Look I don't really care, how about I make you a list, and you can go in and get the stuff then? I don't really care how it get's done, I just need the uniforms for the kids and having that money off would really help''. (P.S saved myself £60!  8) )

-Today was the two older kids sports day. That meant Beast was basically here from 9 am – 6 pm. He arrived in style flipping me off as he drove by.  ::) I continued to walk as if I never saw him. He then text me ''Rude!'' and I text ''Sorry I don't know any jerk weeds who drive toy cars that would be flipping me off.. ::)'' he eventually caught up and we went to see the kids. Sports day was great but of course he filled it with his cursey commentary. :-[ Odd comments and declarations about how he ''doesn't live in reality anymore''. I just joked and said ''What happens when reality comes back?'' and he got quiet and said ''I will deal with that when it happens''.

-Most of the day was chit chat. The same ''no one is the same as us'' ''no one gets my humour like you'' comments. A lot of 'millennial jokes'' which i funny since OW is basically one.  ::)

-Had dinner with us, thanked me for it...went on about that being the best meal he has had since the last one I cooked him. I suggest he watch a video I saw called ''3000 ways to make an egg''. :P

-Post dinner he begins to tell me about how much of a stud muffin he is. ::) He is back to the gym since April apparently?! ??? All the women just want a piece of him. ::) Can't keep their hands off... panties are hitting the fridge cooled floor in the dairy aisle as he sashays across to produce... ::) ::) ::) ::)
I think I being to say ''uh huh'' ''I'm sure'' and roll my eyes. He then says ''but I was like 'Woah there little lady I got enough woman problems as it is'' and I said ''Yeah, self inflicted ones'' and he looked a bit sheepish and said ''never said it wasn't''.  These conversations only ever make me think ''idiot''.

-And the answer to my question, about what he did with my picture after two years? He has carefully wrapped both of them, and the kids one in clear cling film and put them back in his wallet. I guess he only took them out to water proof them. And I will be damned if for some stupid reason that doesn't make my heart go 'awww'.  :o ::)
You know this is MLC when you have played emotional hot potato with a pair of crotch-less tights.

Offline DCD

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Re: Beauty into Beast 13
« Reply #36 on: June 20, 2019, 11:29:34 AM »
Dear Lord...there is so much I forget about what my MLCer used to say - i mean i do remember that it was ridiculous and like you, the word "idiot" often popped into my head - but holy hell did you bring it all back for me.  You handle him SO WELL...i snorted my way through your post.  i love it all but this:


-Post dinner he begins to tell me about how much of a stud muffin he is. ::) He is back to the gym since April apparently?! ??? All the women just want a piece of him. ::) Can't keep their hands off... panties are hitting the fridge cooled floor in the dairy aisle as he sashays across to produce... ::) ::) ::) ::)
I think I being to say ''uh huh'' ''I'm sure'' and roll my eyes. He then says ''but I was like 'Woah there little lady I got enough woman problems as it is'' and I said ''Yeah, self inflicted ones'' and he looked a bit sheepish and said ''never said it wasn't''.  These conversations only ever make me think ''idiot''.


hahaaa!! amazing - both for his idiotic comments and your succinct, right between the eyes, shot back.  Husband had his 'hard body' stage where he would walk around pulling up his shirt 'casually, without a thought', showing off his 4ish pack.  whatever...  ;D

some days are yellow
some days are blue
on different days, i'm different too
you'd be surprised how many ways
i change on different-colored days.
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Offline KeepItTogether

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Re: Beauty into Beast 13
« Reply #37 on: June 20, 2019, 12:25:54 PM »
He then made a big deal about how we couldn't be seen in the shop together because ''He couldn't be bothered dealing with all the rumours''.



This made me laugh. Last year I was speaking at a Cancer Society Gala. H texted me in the am telling me how proud he was of me and that had he known, he would have come too. I told him it wasn't too late, that I could get him a ticket--they were $150 each. But he said no b/c he didn't want to take the limelight form me, that people would "talk."  And that  there would be many more events where we would go together in the future like this. Ummmm yeah. OK.  To use your word Mort....IDIOT!
Me 47
H 46
S12
BD 5/16
H Moved out 6/16
OW--yes. Worked for H. EA turned into PA while I was in chemo. On again/off again like every high school romance

Offline Milly

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Re: Beauty into Beast 13
« Reply #38 on: June 20, 2019, 01:04:45 PM »
Morte, it's always fun to read your post Wednesday updates. I come here for some light relief. Hope you don't mind me saying that.

The camping festival sounded really awful! So happy for you! Nice for us LBSs when the unicorns didn't turn up but instead the gremlins came and poured mud all over everyone and real poo all over the toilets! Sorry, but your H/MLCer deserved it. Naughty Milly.

The talking stud stuff is just so bizarre. My S used to walk around showing me his muscles all the time last year when he was 13. Maybe your H is 13 right now.
Married 1989, together since 1984 
BD May 2014,
D25, D22, S15
OW Physical Affair same one. He and she said she turned 34 the month of BD. She turned 52 this year.

Offline Finding Joy

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Re: Beauty into Beast 13
« Reply #39 on: June 20, 2019, 06:23:19 PM »
Attaching!  I tune in every week:)
Married 19 years
Husband is 42
I am 38
BD-October 10 2018-ILYBNIL, wants a divorce, this after I found out about OW 1(EA), I believe he is on to OW 2(PA)
BD 2-March 2019-He is getting an apartment

4 kids 5-14 years

But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.

 

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